3.35 miles locks and dam no. 1 12 degrees 99.9% snow-covered
It snowed yesterday. 5.5 inches of soft, powdery stuff. Today it’s colder and the snow has compacted. With my yak-trax it wasn’t too difficult to run on. No slipping. Tiring, though. And beautiful! For the first mile, the river was open and then it was covered — one half had ice and snow, the other sparkles.
10 Things
sharp, dark shadows — mine, behind me for the first half, in front for the second
the only bare stretch of pavement was on the biking side of the bridge, up against the wall, where it is sheltered and covered in dead leaves
encountered at least 3 runners
the loud voices of some construction workers, joking with each other
a deep cough by one of the workers
everywhere, small ledges and wedges of snow
some dirt sprinkled on the path to make it less slippery
the bones of fallen trees, covered with snow in the ravine
a bench on the hill above the edge of the world, at just the right angle to face the sun
a screeching bluejay high in a tree
I’m working on a section of my poem about form. At some point during the run, I thought about searching for forms that can hold my words — but not too tightly — and my messy, layered thoughts and feelings. Earlier this morning, I was thinking about partial forms and illusory forms and unreliable forms — the fuzzy forms my brain creates, the unnatural form of the river. I haven’t quite figured out how to tie them all together.
As part of my focus on forms that seem natural but aren’t, I’ve been thinking about and trying to find an article about the Apostle Islands and re-wilding. This morning I finally found it again! The Riddle of the Apostle Islands
Warmer today! And clear, ice-free paths! Not looking like December at all. I decided to run to the flats so I could see if the water seeping out of the rock wall was still frozen now that it had warmed up. It looked like it was, at least to me, but I could hear some trickling water too. What will it look like this afternoon? I heard a few geese, admired the form of a few other runners after they passed me, noticed my shadow and a few streaks of blue sky when the sun came out from behind the clouds briefly. It wasn’t the easiest run, but it wasn’t the hardest either.
Heading north, I listened to a train — or was it a light rail? — horn honking repeatedly. Not sure what was happening; too many honks, and too insistent, for business as usual. Was there an accident? Returning south, I put in my “It’s Windy” playlist, but then switched to “Slappin’ Shadows.”
Here’s a wonderful poem I discovered this morning. That last line!
What aren’t you willing to believe. A heart graffitied fuchsia on the street, a missive from another life. Remember the stem of lavender you found in a used copy of Bishop’s poems, a verse underlined: The world is a mist. And then the world is minute and vast and clear. Suddenly, across the aisle a woman with your mother’s bracelets, her left wrist all shimmer and gold, you almost winced. Coincidence is the great mystery of the human mind but so is the trans-oceanic reach of Shah Rukh Khan’s slow blink. Each of us wants a hint, a song that dares us to look inside. True, it takes whimsy and ego to believe the universe will tap your shoulder in the middle of a random afternoon. That t-shirt on a stranger’s chest, a bumper sticker on the highway upstate. Truth isn’t going anywhere. It’s your eyes passing by.
Today I’m working on a section of Haunts about forms and shadows and seeing things slant, off to the side, in order to grasp (some of) their truth. I’m thinking I will mention how the mississippi is one of the more trained/shaped/managed rivers — with locks, dams, dredging.
a lone black glove
Almost always, when I see a discarded glove on the ground on my run it is black. Okay, today, I saw a gray one draped on a branch. As I walked home after my run, I encountered a lone black glove on the ground and decided to take a picture of it.
a lone black glove
added, 17 dec 2024: As I was working on a section of Haunts about form, I remembered something else I witnessed yesterday during my run. Somewhere between the trestle and lake street bridge, I noticed a form on the ground, just through the trees. I think it was a sleeping bag with someone (possibly) in it. I’ve seen it here before, but only as a quick flash while I run by. Am I seeing it correctly, or is it like the stacked limestone under the franklin bridge that I always think is a person sitting up against one of the pilings?
4.3 miles minnehaha falls and back 36 degrees 70% ice-covered
A great temperature — mild — but not great surface conditions. Neighborhood sidewalks and the trail had a thin layer of ice with only a few clear patches. The worst stretch was at the falls. I stopped and walked in the snowy grass for a few minutes. But, I didn’t fall. If the conditions had been better, I would have gone for a few more miles. Oh well, at least I got out there. It felt good to be outside, above the gorge. Fresh, cool air, a moving body, the river.
10 Things
a laughing kid somewhere across the road — not seen, only heard
the river, some of it open water, some ice, all of it gray
a runner in BRIGHT yellow shoes
a lot of the snow that fell last week is gone, now there’s grass and brown leaves all over the ground
a slick path near the falls parking lot — I didn’t feel nervous that I’d fall, but my feet weren’t getting any traction
near the overlook by the falls, dirt or grit of something had been used to make it less slippery
the falls were gushing
the dirt trail in the small wood near the ford bridge was visible and inviting and cleared of snow
stopped at a bench above “the edge of the world” — admired the clear, colorless view of the river
can’t remember where, but I encountered a faint smell — tangy, sour — of the sewer
Finished another section of my poem yesterday. It’s very exciting to have found a way to put all these words together. How many more section do I have in me before january? Yesterday’s section is titled, Geologic time, and it’s about experiencing time at the gorge on a longer, deeper, slower scale.
Here’s discussion of ekphrasis that I’d like to remember and return to when I finally get to my ekphrasis, how I see, project:
Some of the “paintings” and “photographs” are purely ekphrastic, in the sense that the images, associations, and overall tone were conceived in the moment of looking at a certain artwork hung in a museum or in my memory. Others are more of a collapsing between that moment of looking and earlier or later situationally unrelated impressions; some poems contain a dueling ekphrasis in which impressions of multiple artworks blend. So, yes, most refer to a specific artwork(s), but then the question becomes: What is ekphrasis in the pure sense? And what does pure even mean—another something that Heti can weigh in on. Doesn’t all ekphrasis—the act of looking, and reading, and possibly “interpreting” a text—include a necessary degree of subjectivity and, therefore, can’t it help but become saturated with personal associations and allusions?
random note for future Sara: Scott and I are rewatching all of The Brady Bunch. It’s been 10 years and I still think Mike and Carol are the worst parents in the world. Also, my least favorite character is Bobby, and my favorite is Alice. I was going to write that Jan was my favorite but then I remember the season 2 episode when she plays practical jokes on everyone. She’s obnoxious.
how I don’t see yellow
Yesterday on Instagram, I looked at a block of text and couldn’t see that part of it was circled in bright yellow until I shifted my eyes to the left or right. Straight on, no circle. Look slightly to the left, yellow circle. I took a screen shot of it so I could post it here as an example of how I don’t see yellow.
The run was hard, my hands were almost numb by the end of the first mile, and my left hip was sore by the end, and still it was a wonderful morning out there above the gorge. Greeted Dave, the Daily Walker who didn’t recognize me at first because my buff was covering half of my face. The river was completely covered in ice and snow, all white, except for below the trestle where there were a few patches of exposed ice and open water. Near the part of the path above the rowing club, I saw a flash of movement — a big bird! That wing span! Was it an eagle? A hawk? Not sure, but it landed in a nearby tree. I briefly wondered if it might be a turkey. Later, I heard a woodpecker knocking on a branch somewhere above me. I stopped to try and locate it, and the knocking stopped too. Near the end of my run, down in the tunnel of trees, I heard another knocking and saw the bird flying away. I stopped at my new usual spot: the bench on the edge, getting ready to slide into the slope — how long will it take? Will the parks leave the bench alone long enough for it to happen, or will they replace it before that?
4.5 miles minnehaha falls and back 11 degrees / feels like -7 100% snow-covered
The coldest run of the year so far. It didn’t feel like 7 below to me with all of my layers: 2 pairs of running tights, long-sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, my warmest winter jacket, a buff, a hat, a pair of gloves, my thickest pair of mittens. The thing I’d like to remember most about the run was the river, burning white in one spot. Wow! As I ran south, I could see it sparkling through the trees.
10 Other Things to Remember
the banks on the east side of the river were glowing white with snow
crunch! creak! my foot stepping down in the snow — the crunch for the foot striking, the creak for it lifting off
other peoples’ foot prints in the snow, all over the trail
running on stretches of the falls path where no one else had been, looking down at the untouched white, like a blank page ready to be written on
my shadow when the sun was out: sharp, in front of me
my shadow when the sun was behind clouds: soft, faint, only the hint of contrast
the falls were rushing over the limestone edge — all water, no ice today
the sound of a plow on the path somewhere across the park. later, its aftermath: a cleared path
an empty parking lot at the falls
a big tree, felled in the ravine below the double bridge — was it my favorite fall tree — the one that turns a bright orange? no — whew!
Yesterday I finished a draft of another haunts section and I was wondering if I was done (for now) with writing about girls and ghosts and the gorge. Then this morning, re-reading my post from dec 11, 2023, I came across this line:
At one point on my run back, I suddenly felt a beautiful ache of emotion and thought: tender. Yes, I need to include a few lines in my haunts poem about feeling tender as I run — maybe in contrast with tough and the callouses I mentioned last week (6 dec 2023)?
The poem I finished yesterday was about being tender and, although callouses are not in the poem, they inspired it. I started thinking about how time works on this blog, how it took a whole year to take up that suggestion, and how that is often the case here. Things move slower, and not always forward but looping back and returning again and again to ideas. Then I thought about gorge time and Lorine Niedecker’s geologic time. A new section of my poem to write — on my practice and time and looping back to ideas and experiences!
Wow, what a great morning for a run! All the snow has melted so the paths were clear and I don’t remember much wind. I felt strong and relaxed and grateful to be outside when everything is bare and brown and open. And that river! Half frozen with a thin layer of ice, half open with shiny, dark water. I stopped at the overlook on the ford bridge and stared down at it, admiring the variations of gray and the feeling of air and nothingness — barren, vast, other-worldly.
10 Things
the sound of a kid either laughing when his voice bounced as he went over something bumpy or crying so hard that his voice was breaking — heard, not seen
several runners in bright yellow shirts
two runners in white jackets
some kids laughing and yelling near the skate park just past the ford bridge, again heard, not seen
the view of the valley between ford and hidden falls — bare tree branches, then endless air, then the other side
a blue port-a-potty with the door ajar
the sound of water rushing over concrete at the locks and dam no. 1
a lone goose honking somewhere near the oak savanna
the contrast of wispy, dark branches against the light gray sky
the river — no color, some shiny, some dulled by ice
an attempt to track my train of thought
I’m working on another section of my Haunts poem (which might need a different name as I stray away from ghosts). Before my run, I was thinking about being tender and erosion and H.W.S Cleveland (Horace William Shaler) as envisioning the grand rounds and the gorge as art. Before I headed out, I gave myself a task for during the run: to think about and look for examples of erosion and how it fits in with my idea that art is about making us feel things deeply (feeling tender). This task was inspired by this section in my poem:
his pitch for parkways was about making space for beauty and for feeling things deeply — he wanted to turn this place into art. Grass and benches and trees to frame open sky and the stone that holds a river and all who seek it. But up here exposed on the bluff, it is not only the view that makes the girl tender. Wind, sun, frigid air, the effort it takes to keep moving, a slow wearing down of cone cells, smooth out her edges, peel away her layers, create cracks that start small then spread.
During my run, I stopped to record three ideas into my phone:
One: I thought about the cracks and the idea of being split open and how this splitting open was not a wound that needed to be patched but something else.
Two: I can’t quite remember how I continued to think about this idea of the wound and breaking open but I do remember suddenly thinking about eroding shorelines and bluffs and how cracks and a wearing away can be harmful. At first I wanted to make a clear distinction between the erosion I was writing about, and the tenderness it allowed for, but then I realized, just before reaching the ford bridge on my way back from hidden falls, that tenderness and feeling things deeply and art as inspiring this is both wound and that something else I can’t quite name. I spoke into my phone:
Beauty as not always pretty, sometimes ugly. Art as wonder and amazement, terror and pain.
I think I was remembering some lines from a podcast episode for Off the Shelf with Dorothy Lasky, as I mentioned terror.
I don’t think beautiful things are innocent, I guess, sadly. I mean, I don’t know what “innocent” means also, but yeah, I think beautiful things are holy, and I think that those things can be awful. I guess it’s like the sublime, and those things which we have awe about is what beauty is. And I don’t think it’s always kind, sadly. You know, I wish it were. It can be, but I don’t think that’s what is really there. It overwhelms. So, it is terrifying by its nature. Like, real beauty should make you terrified.
Three: By the time I had crossed the ford bridge, I had another thought about erosion and my diseased eyes:
My cone cells eroding is this slow softening, but at some point, most likely, there’s going to be a break — an abrupt break [when the few remaining cone cells in my central vision die, when I won’t be able to read or rely on my central vision at all]. And that is how the gorge works. It’s the slow softening of sandstone until limestone breaks off.
Yes! This is a helpful way for me to connect the gorge with my vision. I’m not sure that this third thing fits into this section of the poem, but I will use it somewhere!
posted an hour later: I can’t believe it, but after searching through the archive of this log, I realized that I have never posted this beautiful, tender poem by Mary Oliver:
Lead/ Mary Oliver
Here is a story to break your heart. Are you willing? This winter the loons came to our harbor and died, one by one, of nothing we could see. A friend told me of one on the shore that lifted its head and opened the elegant beak and cried out in the long, sweet savoring of its life which, if you have heard it, you know is a sacred thing., and for which, if you have not heard it, you had better hurry to where they still sing. And, believe me, tell no one just where that is. The next morning this loon, speckled and iridescent and with a plan to fly home to some hidden lake, was dead on the shore. I tell you this to break your heart, by which I mean only that it break open and never close again to the rest of the world.
More great winter running! Sometimes sun and sharp shadows, sometimes clouds. When the sun was behind a cloud everything looked sepia-toned. And when some blue sky peeked through it looked like it had been added in, like a photograph touched-up with color. I felt good and relaxed, except for when my left knee suddenly started to hurt — a quick, sharp pain that went away after a minute.
10 Things
the dull thud of a tool hitting something at a construction site — I can’t decide if is was dull like dead wood or something rusted and metallic
another thud, this one more rhythmic, from across the river
the water pooling below the falls was a faint green, like aged copper — patina?
the walking path was speckled or mottled with thin splotches of snow — where bare pavement peeked through it was brown and reminded me — and probably no one else — of a cow’s hide
there was ice on the river, but not thick — it looked like a slushy without the flavor
birds! I don’t remember hearing them, but I saw them flitting around from tree to tree
ran on the bike side of the double bridge — dead leaves were piled on the edge, and next to that was a strip of bare pavement that seemed to be narrowing near the top
at least one fat tire
a patch of open water, shining like glass, on the river — I stopped to admire it through a net of slender branches
the sharp and menacing shadow of the street lamp on the paved path
Rereading an article on the development of the Grand Rounds, I came across this line:
“I would have the City itself a work of art,” Cleveland explained.
A work of art. Yes! I’ve been thinking about the park space of the gorge as a work of art, created by Minneapolis Parks and the city, for some time. I’m envisioning it as part of a series of ekphrastic poems about how I see the gorge through/with my diseased eyes. Could these poems be part of the Haunts project, or is that too much?
5.2 miles bottom of franklin hill 21 degrees / feels like 12 75% snow-covered
What a wonderful winter morning for a run! With the sun and my effort, it felt much warmer than it was. The snow wasn’t slippery or deep and made a delightful crunching noise as I stepped down. The river was open again and dark brown. And the birds were so loud — not seen only heard. Mostly I ran on the bike path. Encountered some runners, walkers, dogs, at least 2 bikers, and at least one person smoking on a bench.
a new ritual
Like most of my rituals, this one began with little intention. I decided last week to stop at an inviting bench to check out the view for a moment and now I’m doing it every time I’m returning south from the trestle or beyond. The bench is facing the river and above the white sands beach. At one time I’m sure it was farther from the slope, but not it’s right on the edge. How long before it falls in? Today, while I was looking down at the river, I felt a blur of movement. What was it? Did I imagine it? I waited for a moment and then I saw a dog and their human through the bare trees, walking at the beach. They looked so far away and alone.
10 Things
elementary school kids yelling and laughing out on the school field — such energy unleashed — wow
small prints in the snow
a truck speeding by, revving its engine on a bend in the road
2 or 3 stones stacked on the boulder, covered in snow
a thin ribbon of bare pavement on the edge of the trail
the feel of my feet sliding slightly as I ran down the snow-covered hill
my faint shadow, just ahead of me, only visible occasionally
the slabs of stone still stacked up under the franklin bridge, looking like a person
all the steps down into the gorge are blocked off with chains
a clump of dead leaves at the top of a tree looking like a monster nest
5 miles minnehaha falls and back 15 degrees / feels like 6 light snow
Brrr. I’m pretty sure that this is the coldest run of the season. I wore almost all of the layers: double tights, double gloves, double socks, a buff, a fleece cap, long-sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, jacket. No frozen toes or fingers, only a few frozen eyelashes.
It was snowing lightly. I barely felt the flakes but I could see them collecting in the cracks of the path and on the road. Not slippery. When I reached the park I noticed faint paw prints on the path.
Passing the parking lot, 2 adults were trying unsuccessfully to calm down a kid losing it — did the kid not want to be at the falls, or did they not want to leave it?
By the gorge, the ground is a rich brown carpet of dead leaves and dirt. A few bushes — buckthorn? — seem to have new, bright green leaves. A runner passed me in a bright yellow vest, almost as bright as the crosswalk sign at 38th.
I noticed dark forms moving below me, on the winchell trail. A coyote or turkey or . . . ? Looking longer I finally saw 2 runners.
The river! Mostly white with wide slashes of exposed, dark water. The falls! Still gushing but covered in thick columns of ice. Winter is here.
All the steps at the falls and on the trails are still open. Will they close them this week?
Running south, between 42nd and 44th, I noticed a bench with an open view of the river and the other side. Decided I would stop on my way back north. I did. Beautiful. And right above the edge of the world.
10 Things
a distracted squirrel in the middle of the trail — gathering a nut?
a smoke smell on edmund, probably from a chimney
a gently sloping hill leading down to the river just past the double bridge, filled with tree trunks and dead leaves
mostly the river was white — ice covered with a thin layer of snow, but there were random patches of dark water. Some of them were thick slashes, others looked like geometric shapes — trapezoids, rectangles, triangles, but not a circle in sight
voices below me — who is there? some hikers, deep in and beyond the winchell trail
the small wood between the 44th street parking lot and the winchell trail, usually hidden, was exposed to reveal a short dirt path
birds! not seen, but heard — sweet tweets and chirps, sounding like spring
a fat tire with a faint, flickering headlight
the fake bells from the light rail train, followed by some quick horn taps
a woman reaching the falls overlook and exclaiming in delight and wonder — wow!
the start of another haunts section?
Before I went out for my run, I did a little research on the bike/walking trails along the river. Deeper digging is required. Maybe a trip to the central library, or an email? Anyway, I learned that they created paved trails above the gorge and beside the river parkway in the fall of 1973. The main trail I use is only 6 months older than me! That seems like it would make a good line for a section that features the trails, either just the paved ones above, or the ones below too.
Mostly the girl stays above on a trail as old as she is. Paved in seventy three, when gas prices and an interest in conservation were high.
Here’s a wonderful poem from Carl Phillips:
Speak Low/ Carl Phillips (from Speak Low)
The wind stirred–the water beneath it stirred accordingly … The wind’s pattern was its own, and the water’s also. The water in that sense was the wind’s reflection. The wind was, to the water, what the water was to the light that fell there, or appeared to fall, spilling as if the light were a liquid, or as if the light and the water it spilled across
were now the same
It is true that the light, like the water, assumed the pattern of what acted upon it. But the water assumed also the shape of what contained it, while the light did not. The light seemed fugitive, a restiveness, the less-than-clear distance between everything we know we should do, and all the rest–all the rest that we do stirring, as the wind stirred it, the water was water–was a form of clarity itself, a window we’ve no sooner looked through than we’ve abandoned it for what lies past that: a view, and then what comes
into view, or might,
if we watch patiently enough, steadily–so we believe, wishing for what, by now, even we can’t put a name to, but feel certain we’ll recognize, having done so before. It olled, didn’t it, just like harmlessness. A small wind. Some light on water.
3.1 miles locks and dam no. 1 23 degrees / snow flurries
A 5k run with Scott in the snow! Flurries collecting on the edge of path and in the cracks of the asphalt. Flurries in the air making my already pixelated view — due to dead cone cells — even more pixelated. Strange, dreamy, disconnected. It was cold, but not too cold. I was overdressed: double gloves, double tights, a buff, a hood, a cap. Before the end of the first mile I was losing layers: 1 pair of gloves, then a hood.
We talked about last year’s marathon, and doing it again next year, and how it wasn’t as cold as we thought it would be. I mentioned that one of my favorite views is blocked because of too many branches. Scott liked how I described it, thick with thin branches.
10 Things
brown leaves on the edge of the path, mixing with the snow
a white-gray sky
the flurries with big and clumpy, one flew in Scott’s throat and he freaked out a little
the ravine below the double bridge was open and brown and bare
a steady stream of cars, distanced from each other, flowing south on the river road
all the benches were empty
as we ran on edmund, a car behind us gently revved to alert us to their presence
bright green leaves on a tree near the savanna
a biker biking by in bright yellow shoes
after the run, FWA driving us, we counted 6 wild turkeys crossing the road
That was hard to come up with 10 things today!
1
In January of 2024, I devoted a month to windows. This morning, on poets.org, I found this beautiful window poem, Wooden Window Frames / Luci Tapahonso. Here are the opening lines:
The morning sun streams through the little kitchen’s wooden panes; its luminescence tempts me to forego coffee. But I don’t. The dark coffee scent melds with the birds’ chirping along the hidden acacia. Then, a small bird alights on the cross of the wooden clothesline. Its tiny head turns from side to side, then as if sensing me, it gazes at me through a window square. We ponder each other, then remember our manners, and it flies off into the clean, cold air.
Colder. A double tights day. Sunny, not much wind, clear. I love running in this weather, even if it was harder during the first mile because of lingering congestion. I wasn’t sure how much I could manage, but once I warmed up, I was fine.
Greeted Dave, the Daily Walker — hi dave! — and looked down at the floodplain forest — almost all bare branches. Heard some geese. Noticed the pink graffiti under the I-94 bridge. Passed another lone black glove on the ground, and a black jacket draped over a tree, making the tree look like a person. Was tricked again by the stone slabs under franklin that look like someone sitting. Avoided the uneven asphalt halfway up and out of the tunnel of trees. Saw that there were stones stacked on the boulder, but forgot to count them. I know I looked down at the river many times, but the only thing I can remember about it was the thin line of icy foam at the edge of longfellow flats.
Thought about breathing and whether or not running in this cold was good for the crud in my throat. Tried to keep my shoulders relaxed and my left arm swinging forward more, my right swinging backward.
Found this quotation yesterday. So much of my writing centers on counting syllables and using syllables to guide my lines. And not just any syllables, but syllables that mimic my breathing pattern while swimming (5) or running (3/2).
The most important thing I find is to live by the syllable. When I’m writing, I don’t think about sentences, lines or words, I’m totally living by the syllable.
The poem of the day on poems.com had a line that made me smile because it’s almost one of my favorites from Anne Sexton’s “The Nude Swim” — the real fish did not mind.
That gray hut is where I first learned to swim. They pushed us through a gap in the floorboards. Dropped down a rope to hold. It took us several panicked kicks to find
that we knew how to do it. Once under, our eyes adjusted to the salt’s burn and gleam. The fish did not care. They turned their long bodies and became something’s dinner.
At home, toweled off, we ate from plates of tasteless crackers bought from the only supermarket with sides salt-faded to white. The woman who owns it still lives inside.
She has no sons; the fish she sells comes frozen in boxes from the mainland. I once saw her crouch on the jetty at dawn and place a basket into the water,
raise it again full of leathery fish flopping against her arms. She gutted them. They were so small. I watched her toss what was left of them back to the ocean.
Another run with Scott. We were planning to go for coffee after a short run, but both places we tried were too crowded. Another gray morning with difficult light. Everything felt hazy, dreamy. Also, it was harder to breathe. For the past week, I have had a sore throat off and on and some congestion. I’ll take another covid test today, but it could be a reaction to flonase or allergies. Whatever it is, I wish it could go away. Because of my difficulty breathing, Scott did most of the talking. He talked about his upcoming gig and what would be on the set list. I remember looking down at the floodplain forest and pointing it out to Scott. The tree branches were bare enough that you could see the forest floor. Beautiful. Scott pointed out a roller skier to me.
I don’t remember looking at the river or hearing any geese or black-capped chickadees or rowers in the river. No regulars to greet. I didn’t count the stacked stones.
At the end of the run, I commented on how the sun looked like it wanted to pierce through the thick clouds. Behind the grayish-white was light. Now, writing this at my desk, the sun is trying even harder and everything — sky, grass, ground — is brighter.
Another wonderful almost winter morning! Sunny, hardly any wind, clear paths. In January, a day like this would feel tropical and offer hope for a coming spring. Ran with Scott to the trestle and back. We talked about the Love Supreme arrangement he’s doing for the jazz combo he’s in and how he’s learning a lot about the form of its 4 movements. I talked about my “And” poem and wondered if there was a 3 syllable word that might convey sudden understanding. Scott answered, Eureka! Nice, but not quite the right feel for my poem. I could use clarity, but I don’t want to — clarity is more the mood of the moment that the reader feels without it being spelled out for them, I think.
A mile later, Scott described how you code and in css (where and means both this and that must exist to make a statement true) and how you code or (where or means either this or that can exist to make a statement true). I was fascinated by how and was restrictive and narrowing in the code while or was expansive. In my poem, I’m understanding and as generous and open and allowing for more possibilities not less. I told Scott that I might need to write an or poem now. And is accumulation, more layers while or is a stripping down.
And = all these things can be true, and more Or = at any give time, any one of these things could be true
Am I getting too far into theory here, trying to be too clever?
Speaking of or in poetry, here’s a great or poem I just found:
Or Oreo, or worse. Or ordinary. Or your choice of category
or
Color
or any color other than Colored or Colored Only. Or “Of Color”
or
Other
or theory or discourse or oral territory. Oregon or Georgia or Florida Zora
or
Opportunity
or born poor or Corporate. Or Moor. Or a Noir Orpheus or Senghor
or
Diaspora
or a horrendous and tore-up journey. Or performance. Or allegory’s armor of ignorant comfort
or
Worship
or reform or a sore chorus. Or Electoral Corruption or important ports of Yoruba or worry
or
Neighbor
or fear of . . . of terror or border. Or all organized minorities.
And here’s what Robyn Creswell writes about the poem:
There is no doubt that Thomas Sayers Ellis’s “Or,” is a poem, but it is one of the few that feels to me like a rap—an especially good one. This is because of the way it establishes a pattern and then continually breaks away from it. The poem is based on the repetition of or, but as we read through it, what seemed like a formal constraint becomes a principle of transformation, a hinge that keeps flexing. The poem begins, as I read it, by riffing on the either/or logic of identity questionnaires (“You could get with this, or you could get with that,” as Black Sheep once put it, in a different context). But it quickly ramifies into geography, history, poetics.
Perfect running weather. Cold, but not too cold, calm, overcast. Clear paths, a dreamy, detached feeling. As I ran, I thought of a goal for this winter: continue working on running with a slower heart rate. I started this during the summer/fall with marathon training, and I think it helped me avoid injuries. This winter I’m thinking I should target 155-160. I wonder what fun experiments I can do while trying to keep my heart rate low?
10 Things
as I ran, I gave attention to my arms — when my form was good, I felt like my arms were blades scissoring the air
the river was half bronze, half pewter
2 walkers who were not together were both
wearing bright RED jackets
3 stones were stacked on the boulder — the one on top was barely balanced
the yellow leaves were thick on the part of the path that descends into the tunnel of trees
a roller skier bombing down the hill
a noisy squirrel rooting through the dry brush
the slabs of stone stacked under the franklin bridge always look like a person to me — they did again today, looking like a sitting person as I passed them on my way down, just stones on my way back up — I imagined someone playing a trick on me, first sitting there, but then after I passed, putting the stones down
some regulars I haven’t named yet, but that I’ve encountered for years: 3 older white men, walking, stretched across the whole walking path — is it the same guys every time, or different ones, all of them man spreading? That’s what I could call them: the man spreaders
rotting sewer smell in the tunnel of trees, close to where the city is doing some work
More work this morning (and afternoon), on my “And” poem. So far, I’ve written about the formation of the gorge (wanting to be somewhere else) and the designing of the Mississippi River Gorge park (to protect from overdevelopment and sell the gorge as a symbol of the water city). Now I’m getting into my love of the view, which is about what I see — softened, elemental forms, like tree line or water or white sand beach — but also what I feel — open, a veil lifted, a little clarity, freer and more able to breathe and move, to the other side (which stands in for many things, including St. Paul where my mom lived until she was 18, the place where people who died dwell, the normal-sighted and real world that I feel distanced from. I think the view is also about how standing above the gorge enables me to witness how it holds all of these things together, that it doesn’t divide but connects. There is not a gap between girl and world, but a space that can hold them together, along with water and stone, mothers and daughters, hear and there, now and then. These are all references to past sections of the poem.
4 miles minnehaha falls 49 degrees wind gusts: 25 mph
Wet. Windy. Slick leaves. Squeaks. A light gray sky. Singing pines. The usual puddles. White foam falls. Gushing sewer pipes. Brisk air. Mud.
Greeted Santa Claus (the regular runner whose long white beard reminds me of Santa Claus). Passed a man walking with one leg up in a boot on a scooter. Gave directions to 2 walkers — which way to the falls? follow the path, it’s over there.
The creek was a steel blue and rushing to reach the limestone ledge. A kid at the main overlook was jumping in a puddle. The green gate at the top of the steps leading down to the falls was still open.
Wore shorts and a pink hooded jacket. My legs were only cold for a few minutes. Too warm for mid-November. Today is the last day of warmer air. Tomorrow, below freezing.
I started working on the section of Haunts poem that I’m titling, And. Came up with a few lines while running north. Recited them in my head until I stopped near the Folwell bench and spoke them into my phone:
Before a Victor- ian’s great love for ventilation, there was water wanting to be something and somewhere else.
The ventilation bit is taken from an article about the origins of the Grand Rounds, and the Victorian is Horace W.S. Cleveland:
The concept of The Grand Rounds was born from Cleveland’s “preference of an extended system of boulevards, or ornamental avenues, rather than a series of detached open areas or public squares.” This was not only an aesthetic consideration: Cleveland had lost many possessions in the 1871 Chicago fire, and saw parkways as an effective firebreak in built-up urban areas. In addition, Cleveland stressed the sanitary benefits derived from parkways. Cholera, typhus, and other diseases plagued cities in the late nineteenth century. Parkways could save land from unhealthy uses and, reflecting the Victorians’ great love for ventilation, carry “winds . . . to the heart of the city, purified by their passage over a long stretch of living water, and through the foliage of miles of forest.”
Another beautiful, late fall morning! Sun, blue skies, hardly a breeze. Running north, my shadow leading me, occasionally drifting to the side and off into the woods. Running south, hiding behind me. I saw her only once when I turned around to check. Everything calm, quiet. Everyone enjoying being alone together. An open view of air and the bare-branched tree line on the other side. Blue river. An inviting bench perched on the edge of the bluff. I saw it as I ran toward the trestle. When I turned around, I stopped at it. Right on the edge, a steep brown slope down to the white sands beach and the river. How many more seasons before this bench, already on the edge, tumbles down? The sour-sweet smell of the sewer — a hint of sharp spice. Pounding hammers–not in a fast, steady rhythm, but in bursts and trading off. A great run.
As I ran, I couldn’t imagine how it could rain this afternoon. So much sun and blue skies! But already, less than an hour later, clouds. Rain is coming.
I’m still working on a section of my poem about progress and time and conservation. The ending turns to a vague reference to conversation of matter, where nothing is lost or gained, just transformed. Somewhere after the tunnel of trees, I suddenly thought, exchanged, and imagined oxygen being traded between lungs and leaves.
Made-up Walking Tours
Here’s an article that I found the other day about the poet, Mathias Svalina’s, surreal walking tours in Richmond: Surrealistic Zillow. Here’s how the tours work:
You show up at the appropriate time and place and look for a man with a bullhorn. “Because I’m a man who owns a bullhorn now,” Svalina says. “[Then] I’ll point to buildings and lie about them for 90 minutes.”
and part of its purpose:
“I’m particularly interested in civic history because of the ways that cities use, rewrite, and often weaponize their histories as promotional agents, or as ways of ignoring populations,” he explains. “So, I like the idea of inventing histories that could not have ever existed.”
Sun! Sharp shadows. Blue sky. The river burning white — wow! Rushing falls. A leaf-littered slope down to the river. A clear view across. Crowded trails, mostly walkers. At least one roller skier. People emerging from the oak savanna near the big rock shaped like an armchair. A little kid on a bike in the parking lot. The usual smell of smoke coming from some house on edmund or from the gorge; every fall/winter I can’t quite tell. My ponytail forcefully swinging in the wind. I don’t remember hearing any birds or dodging any squirrels. Where are the geese?
I also don’t remember what I thought about. I wanted to work through a part of my poem about progress and conservation of matter and the entanglement of decay/rusting/softening of the gorge and my shifting eyesight. But, if I did, I can’t remember.
This Kay Ryan poem was the poem of the day on Poetry Foundation:
Surfaces serve their own purposes, strive to remain constant (all lives want that). There is a skin, not just on peaches but on oceans (note the telltale slough of foam on beaches). Sometimes it’s loose, as in the case of cats: you feel how a second life slides under it. Sometimes it fits. Take glass. Sometimes it outlasts its underside. Take reefs.
The private lives of surfaces are innocent, not devious. Take the one-dimensional belief of enamel in itself, the furious autonomy of luster (crush a pearl— it’s powder), the whole curious seamlessness of how we’re each surrounded and what it doesn’t teach.
3.1 miles trestle turn around 52 degrees wind gusts: 36 mph
Ran with Scott in the afternoon. Windy but warm. Wore shorts and a sweatshirt that I took off a mile in. Sunny. We talked about progressive things: insurance (Scott), glasses and degenerative diseases like progressive cone dystrophy (me).
a twin mattress with a ripped cover next to a trash can
another runner in dark tights (purple?) with a green shirt
in the tunnel of trees the path was covered with leaves
adjusting my cap, worried the wind would knock it off
a navy blue glove propped on a branch
the water-logged black stocking cap still on the post above the steps
I’m working on a section of my Haunts poem that plays with the idea of progress and challenges the belief that progress is always better and that our lives move in strictly linear ways. I’ve written about progress before, on 7 feb 2022.
Moist this morning. Wet sidewalk, wet leaves, wet air. Something was squeaking — my shoes on the leaves or the leaves on my shoes? Only one stone on the boulder, looking lonely and flat. The black stocking cap I mentioned yesterday was still there on the pole. Today I remembered that it was above the old stone steps. Greeted Dave, the Daily Walker with a good morning Dave!, greeted Daddy Long Legs with a wave. He was with his walking partner again. Smiled and gave a head nod to another walker who I think I’ve mentioned before. They always wear a long skirt with tights, and most of the year, a blue puffer jacket. They have gray hair in a long braid. I looked it up, and when I wrote about them before (26 jan 2024), I described them as wearing a dress and tentatively named them, All Dressed Up.
Anything else? I’m pretty sure I looked at the river, but I don’t remember what I saw. No fat tires or roller skiers or geese — where are all the geese? — or turkeys. More YELLOW leaves, falling fast. Some sour sewer smells, puddles, empty benches.
I listened to squeaking leaves and thudding feet as I ran north, then my Color playlist returning south: “Not Easy Bein’ Green,” “Roxanne,” “Mellow Yellow,” and “Let’s Go Crazy.” Speakig of color, I discovered this excellent color poem yesterday afternoon:
There’s a rumor of light that any dark starts off as. Plato speaks here and there of colors, but only once, I think, does he break them down into black and white, red, and a fourth color. By then they’d reached for California high country where, knowing none of the names for all the things that grew there, they
began to make names up. But to have trained an animal to come just a bit closer because here, here’s blood, doesn’t mean you’ve tamed it. Trans- lations vary for what Plato calls his fourth color: what comes closest to a combination of (since they aren’t the same) radiant and bright–what shifting water does,
with light? Violence burnishes the body, sometimes, though we call it damage, not burnishing, more its opposite, a kind of darkness, as if to hide the body, so that what’s been
done to it might, too, stay hidden, the way meaning can, for years, until some pattern by which to trace it at last emerges. There’s a rumor of light.
I need to give more time to this poem; there’s so much I don’t quite get. But I love the discussion of Plato and color and what shifting water does to light.
November! A day for singing a song of gray. A pale, sunless sky, some wind, lots of bare branches. The tree outside my window and a few others by the gorge were YELLOW! Greeted Dave, the Daily Walker — hey Dave! Almost tripped on a few rocks on the dirt path next to the trail on the east side. Admired the waves from the bridges: from ford, little scales and from lake, a slight current down the center — from a sandbar? Heard a chickadee — chick a dee dee dee dee — and the constant grumbling of the city beneath everything.
Thought about different time scales and how time works for me while I’m running — encountering memories of past Saras, echoing their movements. Imagining the gorge before Cleveland created the Grand Rounds, before Longfellow was a neighborhood, before the gorge was a gorge. Having no idea how much time had passed — never hearing the bells of St. Thomas or looking at my watch. Having no memory of small stretches of the trail — being lost in a thought or the motion or my effort.
10 Things
the fast slapping of a runner’s feet passing me from behind
the clear open view from a bluff on the east side of the river, looking over to the west side
3 stacked stones on the boulder
a black stocking cap placed on the top of a pole beside the trail
the frantic bark of a dog, bothered by a nearby leaf blower
the barricades blocking the sidewalk in front of Governor Walz’ house
the ravine near Shadow Falls, mostly yellow from leaves on trees and the ground
voices from below, near Longfellow flats beach
a sour sewer smell near the Monument
a man call out a command — drop it! — to his dog near the south entrance of the winchell trail
While looking for something else, I came across this beautiful poem by Minnesota’s first indigenous poet laureate, Dr. Gwen Westerman:
5.45 miles franklin hill turn around 38 degrees wind: 13 mph / gusts: 27 mph
Sunny, windy, cooler. Wore one of my mild winter combinations: running tights, shorts, long-sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, vest, gloves, headband that covers my ears. I overdressed. Had to take off the sweatshirt near the top of Franklin. A good run. I’m running 30 seconds faster per mile and feeling stronger in the cooler weather than I did when it was warmer.
Yesterday, I woke up feeling not quite right. I slept a lot during the day. Almost a sore throat. Took a covid test: negative. Still feel a little off today. Is it a cold? Should I cancel my annual check-up that’s scheduled for tomorrow?
I deactivated my twitter account and haven’t checked the news since the election. Mostly I’m not thinking about what is coming, and instead focusing on writing, trying to help my kids with their struggles, and living (temporarily?) in the world I’ve built through my practice.
10 Things
the surface of the river was burning white through the bare trees
forest branches creaking and moaning in the wind
one or two trees in the floodplain forest still green
bright pink bubble-letter graffiti under the 1-94 bridge
4 stones stacked on the ancient boulder
Daddy Long Legs walking with someone today — I think every other time I’ve seen him, he’s been alone
a pale blue sky with one or two puffs of cloud
a biker slowing climbing the franklin hill on the road, a car following behind impatiently then hastily passing him
an empty bench facing an open view — so much air and sun and softness
walking up the hill close to the trees on the slope, I noticed a blanket spread out, hidden in the grass — was someone sleeping in it?
For the first half of the run, I listened to the gorge and my feet and the wind. For the second half, I put in my “It’s Windy” playlist.
5.25 miles bottom of franklin hill and back 47 degrees
A great November morning. Most of the trees bare, almost everything light brown and steel blue. A few yellow leaves still on the trees. I felt relaxed and was able to run without stopping — until I needed the port-a-potty. Found a freshly cleaned one at the bottom of the hill, then ran back up it all the way without stopping. For the last 2 miles I felt strong and resilient and ready to resist.
10 Things
roller skiers — at least 3 of them, not together. All of them looked graceful and strong and ready for it to snow
the awkward slapping of oars on the water from a rowing shell far below
the bells of St. Thomas ringing briefly
more awkward slaps from oars, this time from a shell with 3 people. I heard them when I was at the bottom of the hill and watched as they angled across the river. One of them had on a bright yellow — or was it orange? — shirt
a man sitting on a bench, his back to the gorge, reading a book
faint voices getting louder — was it runners or bikers? both
the floodplain forest is open — no more leaves — I glanced down the steep slope to the forest floor
a runner on the other side of the road in black shorts and white tights
4 stones stacked on the ancient boulder
a walker bundled up in a coat with a scarf
I had a thought about my Haunts project near the start of my run. I’m writing a lot about looping and orbiting, but I haven’t written about pacing back and forth — all of my out and back or turn around runs, when I cover the same ground twice, and stay on one side of the river. I’m thinking about the difference between restless pacing and cycles/loops/orbits.
I didn’t see any eagles or hear any geese. No regulars or fat tires or music blasting from car or bike speakers. No one singing or doing something ridiculous. Only one honking car horn. No chainsaws or sirens or leaf blowers.
Today I checked out Carl Phillips’poetry collection, which won the Pulitzer Prize, Then the War. Here’s an early favorite of mine:
The Enchanted Bluff/ Carl Phillips
You can see here, though the marks are faint, how the river must once have coincided with love’s most eastern boundary. But it’s years now since the river shifted, as if done with the same view both over and over and never twice, which is to say done at last with conundrum, when it’s just a river—here’s a river . . . Why not say so, why this need to name things based on what they remind us of—cattail and broom, skunk cabbage—or on what
we wished for: heal-all; forget-me-not. Despite her dyed-too-black hair wildly haloing her soulders, not a witch, caftanned in turquoise, gold, turning men into better men, into men with feelings—instead, just my mother, already gone crazy a bit, watching the yard fill with the feral cats that she fed each night. Who says you can’t die from regret being all you can think about? What’s it matter, now, if she learned the hard way the difference finally between freedom and merely setting a life free? As much as I can, anyway, I try to keep regret far from me,
though like any song built to last, there’s a rhythm to it that, once recognized, can be hard to shake: one of by fear, with its double flower— panic, ambition; two if by what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?
I love these lines:
But it’s years now since the river shifted, as if done with the same view both over and over and never twice, which is to say done at last with conundrum, when it’s just a river—here’s a river . . .
I’d like to use, as if done with the same/view both over and over/and never twice.
I want to fit it into my 3/2 form and use it my Haunts section about looping and doubling back. Maybe something like this:
Occasionally the girl does not run on the rim, changes her route, as if done with the same view, both over and over and never twice.
Even as I knew deep down it was possible, it’s shocking that Trump won and that after all of the terrible things he promised, so many people would vote for him. I started my practice of writing and moving not too long after Trump was elected in 2016, and now I will need to lean on it as I endure another 4 years.
As I ran, I kept trying to remember Lorine Niedecker’s geologic time: slow, long, layered. This terrible moment, a blip. Limestone, sandstone, shale, holding evidence of when Minnesota was part of the Ordovician sea millions of years ago. Glacial boulders still standing, indifferent to humans. The endless dripping and seeping and wearing down of ancient water. Not untouched (or left unharmed) by humans, but on a scale so much bigger than us or what we can comprehend.
When I started the run, there was still fog, but by the end, sun. It felt warmer than 45 degrees. I was overdressed in running tights, shorts, gloves, and my sweatshirt. It felt good to move and to almost forget everything for 40 minutes. When I passed by walkers, I listened for words about the election, but I didn’t hear any. I wondered how other people are feeling today.
The creek was a deep grayish blue and moving fast. The falls were foamy white. I heard a woman calling out a license plate number to a man at the parking kiosk. Tried to use the port-a-potty, but it was out of toilet paper. Noticed that the green gate at the top of the stone steps leading down to the falls was still open.
No geese or turkeys or roller skiers. One fat tire e-bike zooming by. Several dogs. Wet, slippery leaves.
2 miles edmund south/river road, north 45 degrees / drizzle
Election day. Read an accurate description of how today feels: like we all are waiting for the results from a biopsy. I’m hopeful.
Did a quick 2 miles with Scott before the rain started. Throughout we felt drizzle but it wasn’t until we reached our alley that it began to rain. Everything gray and heavy. Most of the leaves on the trees have fallen — except for the one in front of our house — full and green. We talked about a color video that Scott had just watched. Texture and wine dark seas and having no names for blue but many for green were discussed.
My favorite view: bare trees means more open air and the other side visible! I admired the tree line on the east side of the river. It gave off the feeling of being a straight line stretching across. Of course, nothing is completely straight for me; it’s all approximation.
10 Things
a cluster of headlights — stuck behind a slow-moving street sweeper
a thick trunk pushing through the bottom of the fence above the ravine
running past Dowling, hearing faint laughter from kids somewhere
the water was a blueish-gray, the sky almost all white with gray smudges
stopping at the overlook, noticing how uneven and slanted the paving blocks have become
a house on the corner, all black or dark green or dark something, no contrasting trim, difficult for me to see anything but a hulking shape or a dark void, absent of color
running past a water fountain and wondering if it was still turned on
the welcoming oaks have lost all of their leaves
passing above the savanna, seeing something white below — was it a hiker in a white shirt or the information sign?
something remembered from yesterday: the sound of chainsaws in the savanna
Working on a section of my haunts poem tentatively titled, And. It’s inspired by a line from the first section: a gap grew/between girl and world. I realized that the and here is the gorge, and it’s more than a gap; it’s the place that be/holds girl ghost here there now then water stone. It’s also the absence around which I orbit. It’s not empty but filled with open air and possibility. Anyway, I was reminded of a Community clip from Troy and Abed:
Here I’m reading Troy’s and as making more space for the story Abed is telling. I love how Donald Glover delivers the ands.
I’m also thinking about this bit from a wonderful Maggie Smith poem:
If I list everything I love
about the world, and if the list is long and heavy enough,
I can lift it over and over— repetitions, they’re called, reps—
to keep my heart on, to keep the dirt off. Let’s begin
with bees, and the hum, and the honey singing
on my tongue, and the child sleeping at last, and, and, and—
5.75 miles franklin loop 59 degrees / mist and drizzle
Wow, wow, wow! What a cool (vibe, not temp) morning beside the gorge. Everything damp and dripping, bright orange leaves, mist. I first noticed the mist in the floodplain forest, then on the river. Looking to the north while crossing the franklin bridge, the river disappeared into it. I greeted Daddy Long Legs — good morning! Saw a rowing shell on the river, gliding. From high above I couldn’t hear their awkward oars slapping the water. Noticed the reflections of trees in the water near the east shore.
10 Things
drips of water tinkling from the trees — or was it wind moving through leaves?
leaves + puddles = muck: yuck!
the bright white boat glowing on the dark river
a broken slat on a freshly painted fence
a group of glowing orange trees near the base of the bridge
walkers with raincoats, their hoods up
no stones stacked on the big boulder
a dirt trail leading down near meeker dam, just past a wrought-iron fence
a sandbar just below the surface, under the lake street bridge overlook
white sands beach, glowing through the bare trees on the other side of the river
As I ran, I was thinking about water and stone and how I feel like both. Water, flowing and carving out new possibilities, and stone, slowly being worn down, transformed, losing layers. I also thought about air and its relationship to water and stone. Octavio Paz has a wonderful poem, Wind, Water, Stone. I also kept returning to the idea of erosion.
Reading through past entries tagged with “water and stone,” I found this bit from march 13, 2024. Some of the same thoughts I was having this morning! Such loops and repeated cycles of thoughts!
restless water satisfied stone erosion movement
not 1 or 2 but 3 things: water and stone and their interactions erosion, making something new — gorge
Then: Water as a poet / stubborn Stone yields, refuses, resists water = poet / stone = words/language erosion = absence, silence, making Nothing me = eroding eyes / stone being shaped / a form of water shaping stone
I wear down the stone with my regular loops
Add a variation of this line, originally in my mood ring, Relentless, somewhere:
I am both limestone and water. As I dissolve my slow steady flow carves out a new geography.
In other rock-related news, FWA is planning to play the epically awesome bass clarinet Concerto for a Aria competition this spring. It’s called Prometheus and the four short-ish movements are based on Kafka’s short story about the myth:
There are four legends concerning Prometheus:
According to the first, he was clamped to a rock in the Caucasus for betraying the secrets of the gods to men, and the gods sent eagles to feed on his liver, which was perpetually renewed. According to the second, Prometheus, goaded by the pain of the tearing beaks, pressed himself deeper and deeper into the rock until he became one with it. According to the third, his treachery was forgotten in the course of thousands of years, the gods forgotten, the eagles, he himself forgotten. According to the fourth, every one grew weary of the meaningless affair. The gods grew weary, the eagles grew weary, the wound closed wearily. There remained the inexplicable mass of rock.—The legend tried to explain the inexplicable. As it came out of a substratum of truth it had in turn to end in the inexplicable.
I overdressed this morning in a long-sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, tights and gloves. The sun was warmer than I thought. Most of the leaves are off the trees and on the ground. The ravine near Shadow Falls was a beautiful rusty red. The thin creek running through it shimmered in spots.
It helped to get outside and be beside the gorge. It’s an exhausting time. Both of my kids are supposed to be in college this semester, neither of them are. They are each working on their mental health. It’s hard to see them suffer. On top of that, the impending election is terrifying. While I ran, I forgot about all of this.
10 Things
the bells of St. Thomas tolling twelve times as I crested the Summit hill
2 small bowls on a neighbor’s front steps, filled with full-sized reese’s peanut butter cups
a man walking a dog listening to talk radio without headphones — I couldn’t tell if it was about politics or sports
water falling softly from shadow falls
the river from lake street bridge: gray, rippled, a shimmering line of light near the east shore
a graffitied port-a-potty with the door very slightly ajar — was it open, or was the door unable to fully close?
the trees on the west side of the river near locks and dam no. 1 were bare and a fuzzy brown
the sudden start of sirens close by — a fire truck coming up the hill from the locks
the stinky mulch that had been piled on the edge of the path was gone
an opening on the bluff — what a view of the river and the other side!
3.5 miles trestle turn around 38 degrees / drips then drizzle then freezing rain
Happy Halloween. Snow later this morning. Wanted to get in a quick run before that happened. When I started it was only dripping but as I finished, freezing rain. Wore black running tights, a pink hooded jacket, a black winter vest, and black gloves. Running north I had the wind in my face. Running south, to my side. I enjoyed this run. Hardly anyone else out on the trail and cool temperatures. Winter running is coming!
Since I’m trying to finish an audio book that’s due in 2 days, I listened to it instead of the rain — except for in the last minutes of the run. I took out my headphones and heard water falling steadily.
10 Things
the usual puddles on neighborhood sidewalks: just past the alley, a stretch on the next block, a big one covering entire slab on 46th
bright headlights cutting through the trees on the other side of the ravine
a few stones stacked on the big boulder
under the lake street bridge: a red blanket stretched on the uneven limestone with a person under it, an empty wheelchair nearby
a small stretch of the river road between lake street and the trestle was flooded. It almost was cresting the curb
most cars slowed down for the flooding, but one didn’t — splash! — thankfully not on me
only one other runner out there
roaring wind
light gray sky
a steady, strong rhythm of striking feet
That wheelchair broke me open for the rest of the run.
Yesterday, Scott, RJP, and I voted early! Everyone at the polling place was happy and nice and excited to be voting. A great experience, even as it was difficult because of my failing vision. Before voting, we were required to fill out an absentee ballot form. Only the highlighted parts, the person who handed us the form instructed. The problem: I can’t see yellow, and that was the color of the highlighted text. RJP had to point out the sections. Scott was unsettled as he was reminded of how bad my vision is getting. At first, when I looked at the ballot, I couldn’t quite make sense of it, but after a moment, slowly, I could read the different categories and names. I thought I was filling in the entire bubble (Harris/Walz, OF COURSE!), but when I double- then triple-checked it, I had only filled in half of it. Another few times, and I finally filled it all in.
water section of haunts
Wrote this bit about the hidden cut-off wall in downtown Minneapolis that was put in place in 1876 and still holds the river back from breaking through the last bed of limestone:
A century and a half later, the concrete, hidden deep*, still stands and the river, ever restless*, has not stopped trying to move past it. Water will flow where water wants to go, under over through. Near the gorge the girl beholds its quiet refusal to be contained.
*should I cut these extra bits?
I thought about the idea of water going where it wants to go as I ran through the rain, navigating the streams and puddles.
3.1 miles locks and dam no. 1 and back 61 degrees / humidity: 80%
High today of 78. Tomorrow 72. Halloween 49. As Scott says, It’s always cold on Halloween. I felt overheated during the run. Face burning and dripping sweat. I had been planning to do a 10k — the Hidden Falls loop — but it felt too warm. Maybe on Thursday. I wore black shorts and a darkish blue short-sleeved shirt. The same thing I wore for the marathon.
I listened to an audio book, The God of the Woods, so I was distracted as I ran. Can I remember 10 things?
10 Things
an intense, sweet and sour and woody smell as I ran by a pile of wood chips at the edge of the trail
tall piles of wet leaves at the end of the street, waiting for the city workers to return and scoop them up in their truck
beep beep beep — a city truck backing up
3 or 4 stacked stones on the ancient boulder
a group of bikers, all wearing bright yellow long-sleeved shirts
crunch crunch crunch — my feet running through a blanket of leaves on one side of the trail
a faint shadow on the sidewalk, cast from the light of a weak, cloud-covered sun
someone sitting on a bench near the overlook, wearing dark clothing
the water fountain near 36th appears to still be on — the st. paul ones are already turned off, when do they turn off the minneapolis ones?
the clicking and clacking of a roller skier’s poles and the bright blue of their shirt — did I see this today or on my walk yesterday afternoon?
more on the water section of haunts
I’m still gathering ideas and resources for my water section. Here’s another one:
Though the river has always been dynamic, it looks very different than it did just a few centuries ago. In the past 175 years, people began making major engineering changes to the river in attempts to harness it for industry. Before we started building mills, dams and locks, the Mississippi here was a wild and free-flowing river.
Rather than the series of dammed reservoirs we have today, the river was a braided channel with at least a dozen islands between the falls and Bdóte, where the Minnesota River enters the Mississippi. The river had rocky rapids, gravel bars and beaches, fast and slow spots, deep and shallow spots and floodplains.
Possibly to put beside this, a line from a poem I revisited this morning:
And if the world has ceased to hear you, say to the silent earth: I flow. To the rushing water, speak: I am (from Let this darkness be a bell tower/ Rainer Maria Rilke)
1 mile river road, north/32nd/edmund, south 57 degrees
Even though I ran on Saturday and Sunday, it’s beautiful this morning, so I decided to go out for a quick run. Wow! The floodplain forest was almost all golden. And it was warm enough to wear shorts! The mile was easy, relaxed — my average heart rate = 137. I recited my favorite Halloween poem in my head — A Rhyme for Halloween — and tried to think about the latest section of my haunts poem. It’s about restlessness and water and control and the idea of enough and the army corps of engineers and locks and dams and hydroelectric power and energy and constant movement and . . . . Did I have any helpful thoughts? I can’t remember. Did I look at the river? I can’t remember that either. I think my view of it was still blocked. All I saw was open air.
The air over a gorge is different than the air over a field. Why? Sometimes when I’m being driven* on the river road and I can see the air but not the river, I think about this question. If I were seeing this for the first time and didn’t know anything about it, would I still be able to tell the air I could see was over a gorge and not a big open field? What’s different?
*usually I write driving and not being driven, but I don’t drive anymore because of my vision. I haven’t driven in 3 years and only briefly. I haven’t driven regularly in at least 5 years.
I was feeling good as I walked back through the neighborhood, happy to be outside, and then it happened. No warning, out of the blue: my kneecap briefly slid out of its groove. It went back in right away, but not before reminding me that it could do it again whenever it wanted. I recovered and wasn’t too anxious, but was cautious with every step, wondering if it would happen again. Sigh. One reassurance: while these slips and slides are still disruptive, they don’t bother me nearly as much as they used to. I will be fine, my knee will be fine.
water, preliminary thoughts
I mentioned above that I’m working on a new section of my haunts poem. It’s about water and restlessness. Before my run, I was free-writing about it: relentless, obsession, wearing down, transforming, constantly moving, never still.
Then I wrote this: the falls never stopped, just put on hold, all that restless energy built up. This is a reference to the fact that the falls didn’t run out of rock and peter out, but was stopped by a concrete apron under the water, built over 100 years ago. I can’t quite remember the details, so I better review the history.
My notes continue: dammed, locks and dam, hydroelectric power, tamed, removing the dam, letting water flow freely. Then I remembered reading about efforts to restore creeks and streams that have been buried in concrete as cities built up. It’s called daylighting. Yes! I could include something about that, too!
For some time, people and organizations (like Friends of the Mississippi River) have been advocating for removing some of the locks and dams (there are 3) and restoring the river. Here’s a description that I might like to use in my poem:
The Mississippi River, one of the most iconic, important waterways in the world, is also one of the most altered. Dams drown once-vibrant rapids, levees stop the river’s meander, and dredging and river-training structures keep the Mississippi locked into a prescribed path.
I’m particularly interested in the river-training bit and the efforts to lock the river into a prescribed path. To contrast this, I might also want to include my work/thinking around seeps and springs and their ability to leak and find ways through rock and asphalt.
Whew! I’ll need to edit and whittle it down to something manageable, but it’s fun to let the ideas take me wherever I want to go — to flow freely, not be locked in a certain path!
Thinking about all of these ideas, I was reminded of how the poet Wang Ping describes restoring the dam in their poem, And the Old Man Speaks of Paradise:
Do not dam me. To move freely is to evolve is to live Lock feeds fear feeds hate feeds violence to the base of paradise
added a few minutes later: I love Tim Walz and I love this interview he did while running:
When he said, about Minnesotans, “we run in the winter,” I yelled out to the screen and the empty room, Yes!
I’ll take this weather every day. Sunny and cold enough to not overheat but not cold enough to feel cold. Wore shorts, a short-sleeved shirt, and a sweatshirt. Took the sweatshirt off at mile 3. Ran much faster and for longer without stopping than I have recently. Was greeted by Mr. Holiday near the beginning of the run — good morning! Heard some voices down below — rowers? hikers? My right kneecap shifted a few times as I ran. At first, I was worried and thought, usually that only happens when I walk, but then I remembered that in the fall my kneecap can move around some. Is it the colder weather?
I ran the first 5k without stopping, then walked a little before starting again. I turned on the metronome at 175 and listened to it as I ran up the hill. Then I switched to a Billie Eilish playlist. I was hoping that listening to the metronome would get me inside of the beat and open me up to noticing and feeling more, but I couldn’t quite get there. I could hear that I was in time with the steady click, but I couldn’t feel that moment when we were fully in sync, when the striking of my feet was the beat happening.
10 Things
more leaves off the trees, more open air above the gorge to view — bright and looking almost hazy. Was that the air or just an effect of how bare and un-green the other side was?
the bright, silvery reflection of the sun off a bike’s mirror — the bike was not moving, but was parked by a bench and 2 people
fluttering leaves in front of me, showing me that the wind was at my back
the leaves hovered in the air, one of them long enough for me to touch it
a roller skier in all black
another roller skier in a bright yellow long-sleeved shirt
signs and port-a-potties left over from yesterday’s race
the seep in the flats was seeping enough to have left a big wet spot on the road
vision error: got too close to the edge of the trail and hit my face on a branch, then ran right over another pile of branches and almost tripped
so many leaves on the path, covering holes and cracks and bumps — rolled my ankle on a bump that I couldn’t see
Before the run, I listened to a recording of a draft of a section of the poem I’m working on and had some good ideas for revisions. Very excited about how my Haunts poem is coming together!
Scott and I were supposed to run the Halloween Half this morning, but we both decided it was too much — for Scott it was his feet, for me my gastro-stuff. I was not interested in stopping at every port-a-potty along the route. Instead, I decided to go out for a much shorter run to the falls and back. Mostly I felt good, but halfway in, a growing need to go the bathroom. Boo. I hope I can figure out/fix this problem soon. Other than that, I enjoyed the run. Not too cold, clear, hardly any wind. A beautiful morning!
10 Things
the tree 2 doors down from me, which was red a few years ago, is a bright yellow this year
stretches of the sidewalk covered in leaves
the falls were roaring and misting
the tinny recording of bells coming from the light-rail train across Hiawatha
the view! open air, bluffs on the other side
rowers below — heard the coxswain’s voice
only a few leaves fluttering to the ground
empty benches
the sound of plastic wheels — no chance to look, what was it? A crappy stroller? roller skates?
Took a quick drip to Duluth with Scott and FWA. Lots of walking and talking and being by the lake. Great weather! Peak color. Wore shorts and a sweatshirt on our morning run. Ran north (I think?) by the lake, past Leif Erickson park. Lots of short, steep hills. Just before the turn around, I realized that we had had the wind at our backs. Uh-oh. The wind was in our face for the second half. which didn’t really matter because we were running mostly downhill. I said to Scott, can you imagine if the wind had been in our faces as we ran uphill?
The water was almost smooth with no waves. I could hear the rocks gently shivering when the water washed over them. Speaking of shivering, while we were shopping in a kitchen store, FWA and I both overheard an older woman exclaim, wow, it’s shivery in here. It was a little chilly, but shivery?
10 Things
a tiny bird so small I thought it was a dragonfly — a hummingbird?
cooing pigeons near the wall
sparkling water — circles of light on the lake’s surface
no clouds
no big boats
entire trees with orange leaves, a few bushes with slashes of red
a machine across the way making a noise that reminded me of the sound the black monster in Lost made when it was hovering or hunting
so many inviting benches on top of the hill, high above the water
the constant buzz of the hospital helicopter, landing on the roof, then taking off again
a little boy and his older sister on the path — come on, Whitley, it’s time to start our grand adventure!
A quick run after getting my flu and COVID shot and before taking FWA to an eye exam. Another beautiful, warm morning. Everything yellow and crunchy. The Winchell trail was crowded with hikers admiring the leaves and the view. Heard kids on the playground. Smelled the sour sewer. Felt the soft sand. The theme of the morning: leaves. Brittle leaves covering the trail, making it harder to see roots or rocks. Fluttering leaves falling from the trees. Absent leaves giving me a better view of the other side. And that sound! Before starting my run, yellow locust leaves near the curb sizzled after a car drove by. A few blocks later, a cluster of leaves — or was it a plastic bag? — crackled and crunched in the slight wind.
Near Folwell, after climbing the short, steep hill, I stopped to record a few lines for the next section of my poem. The section is called Nobody and it’s about bells and mom-ghosts and dead cone cells.
In the gray morning the few cone cells that remain are starved for light, everything lacks form — no edges, no bodies, just blurs
Here’s a beautiful poem I encountered this morning. I’m adding it to my collection of dirt/dust poems.
We mourn the broken things, chair legs wrenched from their seats, chipped plates, the threadbare clothes. We work the magic of glue, drive the nails, mend the holes. We save what we can, melt small pieces of soap, gather fallen pecans, keep neck bones for soup. Beating rugs against the house, we watch dust, lit like stars, spreading across the yard. Late afternoon, we draw the blinds to cool the rooms, drive the bugs out. My mother irons, singing, lost in reverie. I mark the pages of a mail-order catalog, listen for passing cars. All day we watch for the mail, some news from a distant place.
It’s 14 lines. Is it a sonnet? Is there a volta? Is it the dust, lit like stars?
10.2 miles downtown loop* 61 degrees / humidity: 70%
*river road trail, north — past the trestle, down franklin hill, in the flats, up the I-94 hill, past the Guthrie and Stone Arch, under Hennepin, over Plymouth, through Boom Island, up to the 3rd avenue Bridge, winding down to river road, heading south.
Warm this morning. Sun, sweat. Wore shorts and short-sleeved shirt. Ran with Scott; we’re running the Halloween Half next Saturday. My legs and lungs were fine, my gut not so much. Unfinished business at mile 6, then again at mile 9. Hopefully I can figure out a way to fix it soon. I remember that Scott talked a lot more than I did, but about what? Music — he subbed for a community jazz band and he’s hoping they ask him to join. I talked about shadows and afternoon moons and my admiration for fit runners and good form — so graceful and pleasing to watch!
We greeted Mr. Holiday — good morning! — and encountered a few roller skiers. We also encountered Vikings Fans between Stone Arch and Hennepin. Enjoying the nice weather before the game, I guess. I heard train bells and some biker calling out to the other bikers he was with: we’re going to whip down this hill. I sang to Scott, whip it good! The steps up from St. Anthony Main to the 3rd Avenue bridge were tough, but the view of downtown was amazing. I mentioned Spirit Island to Scott, which is the sacred Dakota Island that was quarried by white settler colonists, then removed by the Army Corps of Engineers, and we wondered where it had been exactly (south of the Locks and Dam).
Looking up where Spirit Island was in relation to Stone Arch and the 3rd avenue bridge, I found a brief article that mentioned how the island had bald eagles and spruce trees, In my poem, I say the trees are oaks — did I remember it wrong, or were there spruce and oaks? To be safe, I’ll change it in the poem:
Among eagled spruce, rock by sacred rock hauled off in horse-drawn carts, few records of where. Not gone, scattered, displaced, their origin as island erased.
11 Things
the shadows of the railing on the Plymouth bridge — straight, sharp
the bright, sparkling water at the edge of Boom Island
the railing shadows at another spot on the bridge — the shadows they cast on the sidewalk made me think the sidewalk was broken
the pattern of the shadows of a chain-link fence — sharp but soft, geometric
2 shirtless runners passing us, running past and fluidly, their feet bouncing up down up down, spending more time in the air than on the ground
rowers, 1: the voice of a coxswain giving instructions
rowers, 2: an 8-person shell on the river
slashes of deep red leaves from the bushes beside the path
the quick suggestion of an afternoon moon: a flash of white in the bright blue sky. Was it the moon or a cloud? I checked with Scott: the moon!
a sour smell rising from below: sewer gas
falling leaves! reds and yellows, fluttering in the wind — sharp, brittle, hitting my cap hard
Earlier this week, RJP and I took an overnight trip to Red Wing and stayed at the old/haunted hotel, the St. James. It was wonderful — the hotel more than the town. As part of it, we hiked up the bluff — He Mni Can-Barn Bluff. A great view of Red Wing and the river, and a good workout! 90 minutes of ascending and descending. We saw a Vikings cruise, 5 stories tall, docked at the river. RJP looked it up: an 18-day cruise from St. Paul to New Orleans, $12,000 per person. Wow. The next day, at a bakery getting doughnuts and coffee, we overheard a woman ask for a Trump cookie. Yes, they were selling cookies that spelled out Trump with icing. They also had Harris cookies. RJP said that there were more Harris cookies left. We were both disturbed by the idea that someone would want to buy a Trump cookie and that a bakery would be selling them.
Wonderful weather for running! Not too cold, but cold enough to not overheat. The color of the day: yellow. I’m sure there were orange and red leaves, but all I remember were the bright yellow ones. Another color I remember: glitter — on the water, among the fluttering leaves. Seeing the low water in the creek on Monday, I wondered if the falls would even be falling. They were, but no gushing or roaring.
10 Things
laughing kids at Dowling Elementary
the oak savanna is still mostly green
a sidewalk covered in dry, yellowed pine needles
a person taking a selfie with their dog by my favorite overlook at the falls
the man who empties the parking kiosks — I’ve seen him several times before and wondered why he comes in a regular (unmarked) car and how many coins he collects
the creek was higher than in past falls when bare rock was exposed
instead of a rope blocking the steps down to the falls, which is easy to climb over, Minneapolis Parks has added a green metal gate
the shadow of some leaves falling to the ground, looking like the shadows of birds
those same falling leaves looking like brown snow
the swinging shadow of my ponytail
pines and Basho
I ran over yellow pine needles covering the sidewalk at the start of my run and thought about Basho. So I looked up “basho pine” and found this line:
Learn about the pines from the pine, and about bamboo from the bamboo. Don’t follow in the footsteps of the old poets, seek what they sought.
A poem I was working on yesterday (and submitted to a journal for consideration), starts this way:
It begins here: from the ground up, feet first, following.
The following I am referring to is not simple repetition, even as it literally is about following trails already made by past feet, but seeking what past feet sought: connection, contact, familiarity with the ground/land and how it has been shaped.
ghosts and zombies
My plan for this month was to focus on Zombies, but between a kid crisis, the marathon, and a poem that insisted on being reworked, I haven’t given much attention to them. Maybe two other reasons: I don’t really like zombies, and I’m still thinking about ghosts.
from Circle / Dana Knott
human obits in the process of being written ghostly obits in the process of being read
Here’s what I wrote on August 1, 2024 that got me thinking about zombies:
On Ghosts V. Zombies/ Suzanne Buffam
Soul without a body or body without a soul? Like choosing between an empty lake And the same empty lake.
For the past few years, I’ve devoted a lot of attention to ghosts and haunts, but I’ve rarely thought about zombies. This poem is making me want to think about them now. So many directions to go with it — the relationship between the body and the soul or the body and the spirit or the body and the mind; how, because I can’t see people’s faces or make eye contact, they look soulless to me — I’m a ghost among zombies; Alice Oswald and the Homeric mind — our thoughts traveling outside of our bodies; Emily Dickinson and the soul that wanders; the fish in us escaping (Anne Sexton) or the bees released, returned to the hive/heaven (Eliot Weinberger).
I clicked on the ED link and read my entry from march 19, 2024. There’s a lot of good stuff in it, including a reference to Homer, but not the poet, the cartoon character, Homer Simpson. It’s the clip where his brain escapes his body to avoid listening to Ned Flanders talking about the differences between apple juice and cider (if it’s clear and yella, you got juice there fella, if it’s tangy and brown, you’re in cider town). Wow.
taking it slow
Reading the “about this poem” for poets.org’s poem of the day, Dead Reckoning, I encountered this line:
This poem began as a long sequence but arrived at this stripped-down form after fifteen years of off-and-on revision.
15 years of off-and-on revision! I’m only on year 3 of my Haunts revisions. I’m glad to know that other poets sit with some of their poems for a long time.
After finding this, I read an old entry from October 16, 2021, and found this:
“I am slow and need to think about things a long time, need to hold onto the trace on paper. Thinking is adventure. Does adventure need to be speedy? Perhaps revising is a way of refusing closure?…”
Rosemarie Waldrop
This slow time reminds me of Lorine Niedecker and what she writes in a letter to her poet-mentor, Cid Corman, while working on her poem, “Lake Superior”:
Cid, no, I won’t be writing for awhile, and I need time, like an eon of limestone or gneiss, time like I used to have, with no thought of publishing. I’m very slow anyhow . . . . I’m going into a kind of retreat so far as time (going to be geologic time from now on!) is concerned . . . .
9 miles lake nokomis and back 37 degrees / humidity: 83%
Cooler weather! I wore my winter running tights under my shorts this morning! Fall! Even though it was cool, I was dripping with sweat. All the walkers I passed were bundled up in winter coats and stocking caps. Winter is coming.
I felt strong as I ran, able to keep going. Scott and I signed up for the Halloween Half on the 26th. We might even try to wear costumes. FWA suggested Bob and Linda Belcher. Yes!
My favorite fall tree this morning was next to the double bridge. It was bright yellow with a hint of orange. My second favorite fall tree was a RED one near the Longfellow House. Cherry red. About half of the trees are still green.
The lake was still with sharp reflections. A few people were at the beach, but no one was in the water. Any boats on it? Running past the boat landing, I saw one boat being dropped off.
Pickleball! Even in 30 degree weather, people were out there. I could hear the thwacking of balls being hit as I ran by the courts.
A mom dropping her kid off for preschool at Lake Nokomis Rec Center. I thought about taking FWA to classes here when he was 4.
The creek was very low. There was still enough water for the ducks.
Crossing the pedestrian/bike bridge near Lake Hiawatha, I heard a noise that was in time with my feet. I thought it was a truck or some type of machine, but later, heading back from the lake I ran over it again and realized the noise was coming from me. The bridge was squeaking every time my foot struck the ground!
added, 15 oct 2024: I forgot about the pine needles! A block from my house, yellow pine needles covered the sidewalk. I can’t remember now how it felt to run over them, I just remember that I loved it and somewhere, deep within, I imagined the sound of wind moving through the needles still on the tree.
Peak fall this morning. Orange! Yellow! Red! Made even more vibrant by the gray sky. Wow! I felt strong and relaxed and dreamy. No sharp lines, everything soft and fuzzy and dissolving into the gray. It was dark enough for street lamps and headlights. Heard the rowers and the clicking and clacking of a roller skier in a bright yellow shirt, a squirrel cracking a nut. Smelled the sewer. Felt a few raindrops at the very end. Crossing the ford bridge, the tree line was oranges, yellows, reds on the st. paul side, but still a lot of green on the minneapolis side.
These days I move from room to room looking for a thing to haunt. The filaments inside my teeth glow in the dark, thirty-two beacons no one will see, except the mirror I return to again and again, hoping for it to swallow me, to find anything there but my face. Mirror is another word for hunger. Hunger is another word for dead. Anyone would be tired of hearing from me, the kind of woman — this repulsive word — who’ll never have a garden or greenhouse, only a fridge crisper full of broccoli and kale and lettuce, all rotting to sludge, bananas on the counter blackening like frostbitten skin. I used to quarter an apple with such perfection I could have been autopsying my own heart. The thing is there’s no way out of this house. Memory circles like flies. Even the dead need to eat. Even the dead dream. I left a note in the memory: You deserve so much more than desire.
My first run after the marathon! I wasn’t sure how much I would do, but I felt good, so I ran to the bottom of franklin hill and back, and I did it without stopping to walk. I haven’t done that for several months. Almost perfect weather, calm and cool. Wore my bright orange sweatshirt and managed to take it off while running down the franklin hill. No roller skiers or rowers or Dave, the Daily Walker. But shadows and blue water and fluttering leaves.
As I ran, I chanted: I am flying/I am free/and I am where/ I want to be. I felt some soreness/tightness in my left hip, a slight pang in my right foot, but nothing in my knees.
I tried to think about my haunts poem and girls, ghosts, and gorges. I’m trying to put together a draft to submit for a journal that’s due on the 15th. Like in the past, I’m struggling — too many ideas and threads. I keep getting stuck and lost and in a rut of repetition. I started chanting, girl girl girl ghost ghost ghost gorge gorge gorge.
10 Things
red leaves on bushes — or are they young trees? — at the edge of trail, a red that burned dark and deep and seemed to yell out, I am RED!
yellow leaves, like lemon sugar
orange leaves, with a hint of pink
the occasional dead leaf fluttering down
the sound, somewhere above, of a nut being cracked open
most of the leaves are still green
a stinky, sewer smell above the ravine, a faint sourness
a man on a bench — I think it was Daddy Long Legs — calling out, hello!
a quick glimpse of something sitting under the franklin bridge — was it a person, sleeping? No. On the way back up the hill, I could see it better: stacked limestone blocks
2 black garbage bags, full, beside the trash can near the lake street bridge — did they come from the gorge?
26 Marathon Things: r-z
river. Crossing the Franklin bridge near 2 other runners, I heard one of them look at the river — a blue ribbon sparkling in the sun — and say something like, this marathon is hard, but we get to see this! And I thought, yes! this is the beautiful river I get to run beside almost every day!
strong. During the last 10 miles of the race, I regrouped. It was still difficult, but I ran more than I thought I could. And every time I ran, I felt strong. Several of the spectators called to me, you’re looking so strong! you’ve got this. Once when I stopped for a walk break, a kind runner passed me, gently touched my back, and said, I’ve been watching you and you look so strong. You can do this! Keep going!
t-rex. At least twice, I saw someone dressed in a t-rex costume by the side of the road. The first time, Scott pointed them out to me, but the second time I saw them on my own. What’s the deal with t-rexes? (I asked Scott and he said the t-rex has been a thing for several years).
unreadable. It didn’t bother me, because I’m used to it, but with my bad vision I couldn’t read any of the fun or encouraging or strange signs that people were holding up. When Scott laughed at one, I asked what it said. Run bitch!
vikings. In past years, I’ve enjoyed watching football, but recently I’ve lost my love for it, especially for the Vikings who always seem to disappoint. Even so, this year they are undefeated, and hearing spectators calling out the score as we ran, 10 – 0, 20 – 0, or listening to the game while they cheered, was fun and distracting and felt very Minnesotan. Scott’s dad, a big vikings fan, would have loved the season so far if he were still alive. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I enjoyed hearing the score; it reminded me of his dad.
walz. At mile 20, you run by gov. walz’s house. I thought I heard someone cheering there and imagined how cool it would be if it were gov walz. I don’t think he was there when I passed by but later Scott told me that he had been outside cheering on runners.
eXhilarated. At the beginning of the race, during the first 2 miles, Scott was so excited. He talked about running this race again and how pumped up he was. I was happy to be there, but couldn’t match his enthusiasm. I was not exhilarated, I was waiting for the moment when it got very hard.
you can do hard things. So much support from spectators. Most of it straightforward encouragement, you’ve got this, you can do hard things, you’re amazing. Some of it slanted: you’re crazy! or look at you out here running and look at me enjoying my bagel! The one sign I could actually read just said, Why?
zephyr*. While the wind wasn’t gentle, it was blowing from the west. In the first mile, it almost blew my hat off. Then it was at our backs. Then I forgot about it until we reached the east side of Lake Nokomis where it was really blowing. A woman’s signs, stacked on a table, blew off and into the road. I briefly thought about stopping to help her then remembered I was racing and should probably keep going.
*I was struggling to come up with a z. Thankfully Scott thought up zephyr, which means west wind
26.2 miles / 5:35:27 twin cities marathon 50 degrees
I did it! It was hard. I was slow, but I did it. And I smiled and sometimes felt strong and had a deep love for everyone else out there — racers and spectators. I never thought of quitting, even though I knew it was going to be a long day when, at mile 11, I had to use the port-a-potty and felt like I might pass out (a combination of constipation and failing to drink enough water in the first 10 miles, I think).
I never cried or neared my breaking point which, as I write this the next morning, is a little disappointing. It’s been a very difficult fall — one kid deferring their first semester of college, the other shutting down in their last year of college. I was hoping to have a big moment of release. It never came. What held me back? I never allowed myself to push closer to my physical limits. If it felt too hard, I walked.
Uh oh. Writing about my disappointment, then talking to Scott about it, I realized something: I want to do another marathon. I want to dig deeper and break down that wall I’ve built around myself — the one that keeps everyone and everything at a (slight) distance. I want another chance to figure out my fueling and my pooping and to not be afraid that my body will fail me.
I am proud of myself and this accomplishment. And I’m grateful to have made it to start and finish line. And, wow, what a beautiful marathon course!
26 Things: a-h*
*Instead of creating a very long entry with all 26 marathon things, I’ve decided to break it up over several entries.
asphalt. For the first half of the race, the road was cracked and cratered and rutted. A few of the biggest holes were marked with bright orange or green spray paint. The asphalt was the worst at Bde Maka Ska.
brrr. The weather was wonderful during the race, but chilly before it started. So much wind! Most people had on extra sweatshirts that they planned to donate at the start line — me too. A few brave runners were in tank tops. Even with extra layers, it was cold. A woman ahead of me in the port-a-potty line who was wearing running tights and a running jacket was violently shaking.
caboose. I was not at the very end of the race — I finished ahead of 450 people — but I was near the end. The winner finished in 2 hours and 10 minutes. I finished in 5 hours and 37 minutes. That’s a long time for people to be out on the course cheering. The spectators were still amazing, but I could tell the energy was not at its highest level. In the last few miles I noticed people leaving the course, their signs tucked under their arms. Walking through the finish area, volunteers were packing up and most of the food was already gone.
dogs. Some spectators brought dogs. The only dog I recall seeing was a GIANT ball of black fur asleep next to a guy sitting in a lawn chair on the edge of the road. I do remember hearing lots of runners calling out, dogs! or puppies! or your dog is so cute! or hi, puppy!
electrolytes. At the hydration stops, you could grab a cup of water or a cup of electrolytes. Almost always, I grabbed water, but once I foolishly grabbed electrolytes. Yuck! Not sure why, but I was expecting something that would taste like Gatorade. It did not. It tasted like salt water and made me feel sick.
finish line. Miles 22-25ish are on Summit, high above the capitol. For the last stretch, you run down a hill, the finish line in sight. You’re almost there!, people were calling out, you can see the finish line! Yes, I could see the finish line, but it didn’t feel like I was almost there. It looked so far away, and it was, until it wasn’t, and I was done and Scott was waiting there for me.
glimping. After the race, I mentioned to Scott that I would probably be limping the next day (yep, I am), and he thought I said “glimping” which led us both to try and imagine what glam limping (think, glamping but for limps) might look like.
hat. At the beginning of the race, we were following behind a guy in a pink hat. He looked relaxed and smooth and Scott said, look for the chill guy in the pink hat and run like him. We were near him until Bde Maka Ska, but lost track of him when he stopped to use the port-a-potty.
1 mile river road, north to loons coffee 56 degrees
A final shake-out run before tomorrow’s marathon with Scott. My left hip is still a little tight/sore, but I’m believing it will be okay, especially once I warm up and run more miles. It’s supposed to be windy — 15+mph. When Scott mentioned this I replied (and with no sarcasm), great! I can recite some of my favorite wind poems while we run! I am the wind and the wind is invisible. All the leaves tremble, but I am invisible.
Yesterday we picked up our bibs and shirts at the expo and the line to go through security was ridiculously long, stretching the entire length of the River Center then curving through 2 hallways. Scott panicked and briefly wanted to rage quit the line (and the marathon!), but I remained calm and a nice guy behind us started commiserating with us about how long the line was. Scott got over it and the line started moving. Even with the long line, it only took us 15 minutes to get in. Whew!
I am nervous and excited and ready to push at my limits. To be broken open and find out how I respond. To feel grief and delight and wonder and whatever else 26.2 miles will pull out of me.
5 miles bottom franklin hill and back 50 degrees / humidity: 75%
In 4 days, I’ll be running the marathon! Today’s run was mostly fine; my left hip was a little tight, but I think it will be okay. Otherwise I was relaxed. It was cool, but humid, so I sweat a lot. For several of the miles I chanted in triple berries: strawberry / blueberry / raspberry. For the last mile, I put on my metronome, set to 175, and synched up my feet. So cool! When I lock in with the center of the beat, I know it. I become the beat, or my feet become the sound of the beat. I feel a soft buzz throughout my legs that spreads to the back of my head. I am running without effort — not floating, but bouncing off the ground. I wasn’t locked in the whole time. Sometimes I was ahead of it or behind because I got distracted by another runner, but when I locked in again, bzzzzzzz. I might try putting on the metronome during a later mile of the marathon, if I need some focusing and motivation to keep going.
10 Things
rowers! running north, the coxswain’s voice seemed to be following me
music coming from a bike — I think it was a song by Regina Spektor, but I’m not sure — I almost called out, hey! are you listening to Regina Spektor? I love Regina Spektor
greeted Mr. Holiday — good morning!
more red leaves, some yellow
someone in running shorts standing beside the porta potty. Were they waiting — to use it, for a friend?
a line-up cars — maybe 10 — behind a car turning left onto 32nd
a biker zooming by — fast! — with a kid in a trailer
under the franklin bridge, looking up at an opening above — not for the first time, I thought someone might be staying up there, but I can’t see well, so I could be wrong, and could anyone climb up to it — it’s 15-20 feet up?
running through the dark tunnel of trees, looking ahead and seeing an opening: bright, white, glowing
The moon will shine for God knows how long. As if it still matters. As if someone is trying to recall a dream. Believe the brain is a cage of light & rage. When it shuts off, something else switches on. There’s no better reason than now to lock the doors, the windows. Turn off the sprinklers & porch light. Save the books for fire. In darkness, we learn to read what moves along the horizon, across the periphery of a gun scope— the flicker of shadows, the rustling of trash in the body of cities long emptied. Not a soul lives in this house & this house & this house. Go on, stiffen the heart, quicken the blood. To live in a world of flesh & teeth, you must learn to kill what you love, & love what can die.
I want to think more about how darkness and light work in this poem, and the last line about killing what you love and loving what can die.
Finally, fall weather! Wore my bright orange sweatshirt today, which was too warm during the last mile. Ran above on the paved trail heading south, below on the Winchell trail heading north. Sunny, breezy, cool, dreamy. Tree shadows. My left hip was a little sore, but otherwise I felt strong and relaxed. I chanted Emily Dickinson for part of the run: life is but life/ and death but death/ bliss is but bliss/ and breath but breath then life is life/death is death/bliss is bliss/breath is breath then life life life life/death death death death/bliss bliss bliss bliss/breath breath breath breath.
Thought about the marathon and how long it’s been since I ran on the winchell trail and FWA and My Neighbor Totoro, which Scott and I watched last night. Also thought about zombies, which is my theme for October. Mostly I thought about bodies without minds and feeling like you’re trapped in a body and soul-less, indifferent, relentless bodies.
10 Things
heading down to the Horace Cleveland Overlook, I was blinded by a circle of light on the river — so bright! impossible to see anything else
the sharp crack of a squirrel opening an acorn
kids on the playground — laughing, yelling
water trickling out of the sewer pipe at 44th
a few more slashes of red, a golden feeling*
the surface of the winchell trail is in terrible condition — cracked, slanted, cratered
bikers on a bench, taking a snack break
a woman on the narrow winchell trail with a dog, off to the side and facing me, talking on a phone I couldn’t see, saying something about walking after 60
someone sitting on the bench in a blue shirt near the overlook
big trees on the ground, cut into sections and stacked beside the trail
*For the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing trees turning yellow everywhere, but when I mention it to Scott he says that they look perfectly green to him, not yellow at all. Since my color vision is questionable, I’ll take his word for it. I’ve decided to believe that I’m seeing the yellow that is coming, or the slightest idea — the inkling — of yellow that has arrived but only as a feeling or the whisper, yellow. This morning, as I stood at the kitchen counter, about to make my coffee, I noticed the reflection of my neighbor’s tree on the granite countertop. Yellow! Wow, I said to myself out loud, has that tree turned when I wasn’t looking? I looked out the window and checked the real tree: a golden feeling, but nothing more.
Another gold/en thing: Admiring the sun spilling through the treetops, feeling the crisper air, W.S. Merwin’s line from “To the Light of August” popped into my head: Still the high, familiar, endless summer, yet with a glint of bronze in chill mornings. I thought, not bronze, but gold.
some marathon experiments
During and after my run, I had 2 ideas for things to try while running 26.2 miles. First: pick 26 poems I’ve memorized to recite in my head as I run. One for each mile. The problem with this idea is not memorizing all the poems. I’ve already done that. The problem is remembering which poems I picked and for which mile! I imagined attempting to write a list on my arm, which seemed ridiculous and too unruly.
Second: for each mile, notice things that begin with one particular letter. Do this in alphabetical order. So, mile 1 = a, mile 2 = b, etc. I could also make a list of as many words that start with that letter as possible. This experiment might be fun, but it could also get tedious.
In addition to these experiments, I’ve been thinking that I need a mantra and/or a few lines from favorite poems to chant in difficult moments or when I want to be distracted. Yes! I’ll have to make a list today. Of course, ED’s life/death/bliss/breath is on this list!
zombies!
Today is the first day of Zombie month! I’m excited to explore this topic, which I don’t know that much about. Since the marathon is this Sunday and I’m also thinking a lot about that, I’ll ease into zombies this week.
When I think of zombies, I think: relentless, indifferent, hungry, mindless, brainless bodies. And this makes me think of Jaws as a relentless killing machine. Here’s a great poem I found on poetryfoundation:
I don’t realize I’m starved for the color until the blood
washes up on the beach. I’m craving red but still
haven’t seen the creature, just the quick whip and slither
of its tail in the wake —and then there I am,
facing the skin side of the animatronic shark.
The slick apertures of its eyes. The mythic teeth.
The anvil nose beating the deck, cracking windows.
The shark, like the moon, is pockmarked, unstoppable,
never showing its hidden side. Surely space is just another underwater,
the messages we send from satellites a bleeding haze of infrared:
This is my blood type, this is where I keep my body at night,
and I tell no one about the times my body, taking over,
stands waist-deep in the surf, some wild need inside me
ticking into place.
The slick apertures of its eyes. Yes — Jaws’ eyes are the worst: huge, empty, black. Is much made of zombies’ eyes? Anything distinctive, or do they just look dead and empty?
The last long run before the marathon next Sunday. Just one more week and then I’ve made it to the start line! Not easy, but not hard either. My first time running this far into downtown — past the Stone Arch Bridge — in years. Already crowded at 9 am on a Sunday morning. Sunny, warm. Lots of sweat.
Listened to an audio book, The Marlow Murder Club, so I was distracted. Can I remember 10 things I noticed?
10 Things
near the seep/spring in the flats, the road was all wet
rowers! heard: coxswain’s voice
some more red leaves higher in the trees
the St. Thomas bells chiming at least 2 different times
roller skiers: a pair + a few individual skiers
running straight into the sun — difficult to see anything
the soft sand on the dirt path near the Hennepin Bridge
a single, brown leaf fluttering to the ground in front of me
thin foam on the surface of the river
blue, cloud-free sky
No music blasting from bikes, no Doppler effect, no sirens, no stinky trash or sewer smells, no geese, no darting squirrels, no turkeys, no Dave the Daily Walker. No chafing (my old running bra was scratchy me up — lots of small cuts and little scars, but no bleeding), no unfinished business, no bathroom or water stops. No thoughts, no lines of poetry popping into my head, no epiphanies, no problems solved. No yelling, no getting irritated, no sliding kneecaps. No goldenrod, no swarming gnats, nobody calling out encouragement. Just me and legs and lungs and hips and river.
Warmer than I thought this morning. Lots of sweat. Sun. Shadows. Sparkling water. Ran past the road closed on Oct 6 (that’s for the marathon!) and smiled. Not long now. I felt fine. My big toe on my right foot stung a little. My right foot is a bit of a mess: an in-grown big toenail, a blackish-purplish second toe, another possible in-grown toenail on the fourth toe. I think it will all be fine — nothing’s infected and it doesn’t hurt that much.
10 Things
a coxswain’s voice, calling out instructions
a motorboat’s wake, leaving soft ripples on the surface of the river, moving upstream and contrasting with the motion of the water heading downstream
ahead of me, under the 1-94 bridge, the river sparking silver
water seeping out of the limestone below the U of M’s west bank, wanting to be a waterfall
my shadow, running ahead of me: sharp and solid
several of the benches were occupied — one person at each
a few more red leaves — a bright, fiery red
the rhythmic snap of a fast runner’s striking feet
cracks in the asphalt just north of the trestle — they just patched these in late spring and the entire stretch was redone 2 or 3 years ago — in 10 years will you even able to run on this section, or will it have slid into the gorge?
someone left the lid of the trashcan below the lake street bridge open — wow, it stinks!
Here’s a poem I read yesterday that I liked to add to my collection of shadow poems — I might also add it to my growing group of moment poems too:
My child is upset that they cannot jump over their shadow. They want me to help them. They want me to teach them how it’s done. The best I can do is an invitation
to jump over each other’s shadows instead. This satisfies them for a moment and then the moment is gone. In sunlight my shadow loves to give me a little dose of sorrow,
the beams having traveled so far only for the lump of me to get between them and the ground. They came so close. If I were the earth I would resent me too. My child
has gone into the next moment. I have to catch up. They say they are riding a horse. They point and it drags them away.
I read this wonderful quote from Hanif Abdurraqib the other day in one of my favorite former grad student’s newsletter. It’s about the ekphrasis form and is helpful for thinking about my “How to See” project:
Many of us live in an ekphrasis mindset. We are often executing ekphrasis storytelling…creating a story based off of that witnessing. I don’t ever want to move beyond that desire to say, I saw something and I know that you were not there to see it. But I can build the world wherein you felt like you have witnessed it alongside me.
I want to build a world about how I see with my dead-coned eyes in my poems, partly to feel less alone and isolated and partly to invite people to think more what it means to see (and to not see).
Last night, Scott and I were watching “Escape to the Country” and one of the escapees (Carol from Hertfordshire) was registered blind. She sometimes used a white cane and had some help from her husband in navigating, but she could make eye contact and see some of what was going on. When the host (Jules) asked her to explain her vision, she said she could see about 20% of what he could, enough to get a sense of the space, but not clearly. I appreciated that Jules had asked her to explain her vision (and impressed with the positive, non-tragic way they depicted her throughout the episode), but I wanted more. I wished she (and/or the show) had had an ekphrasis mindset and offered additional details about what seeing/not seeing is for her. The host, Jules, suggests, “Fundamentally, understanding how she sees the world is going to be crucial to finding properties that will absolutely deliver.” Even a sentence or two more might have helped in that understanding.
I wondered what someone who had never thought about the process of seeing or the spectrum of no-sight to full-sight made of her description and how she (fairly) easily/”naturally” moved through the world. After my run, I decided to google the episode and see if I could find more information about the woman, like what her condition was, etc. I was disappointed to discover headlines describing her blindness as “heartbreaking” or that she told of it, “with tears in her eyes.” That’s not how I perceived it. Admittedly, I can’t see faces clearly enough to grasp slight facial expressions, but this woman did not seem heartbroken and if she had any tears in her eyes, it was because she was looking into the sun. This was not a tragic episode; she and her husband were excited to move. These headlines seem to be typical examples of writers projecting their own fears and negative understandings of blindness onto blind people (or people with low vision, or people who see differently). Blind = tragic = heartbreaking = pity.
Scott and I watched the brief, 10 second clip that this “heartbreaking” description is based on, and he agreed that she wasn’t upset or crying. Her description was neutral and matter-of-fact. Sigh.
At the beginning of my run, I thought more about the ekphrastic mindset and asked myself, what is art? I didn’t come up with an answer — a task for another run!
one more thing to add: Talking with RJP about my various projects, she introduced me to a new phrase for describing the dirt trails that walkers/runners make in the grass: desire paths. That should be a title for one of my gorge poems, for sure!
3 miles trestle turn around 54 degrees 13 days until the marathon!
Overcast, cool. A steady stream of cars. I was planning to greet the Welcoming Oaks, but I forgot. Encountered many runners, walkers, someone (I think) was heading to the rowing club, and at least one roller skier. I noticed a few streaks of red and yellow, but mostly everything is still green.
Since I ran 20 miles on Sunday, today I only did 3 miles. My legs were slightly sore, but not too bad. I’m pleased with my recovery. I was especially pleased that I pushed through the moments when it felt a little harder. To keep my heart rate below 170, I chanted in triple berries in mile 3: strawberry/blueberry/raspberry.
10 Things
in the first mile, encountered a woman’s cross country team — a core group of 12? then pairs of slower runners trailing behind, one final runner at the very back — as I passed them I could hear their labored breathing — they were all running fast!
happy, excited voices rising up from the rowing club
a car pulling out right in front of another one at the top of the lake street hill — the second car honked once, but no yelling or repeated honks or crash sounds
click clack click clack — a roller skier’s poles
in the third mile, encountered the team again — still fast, still jagged breaths
no sparkle on the water, flat featureless blue
running south, I could feel the faintest outline of my shadow — was I imagining it?
more spray paint on the path — bright green and orange, looking sloppy
the sharp crack of an acorn hitting the asphalt
above the ravine, at the wooden fence — all thick green, no view, one of the fence slats had been pushed away from the others by a leaning tree
Before and after my run I listened to a recording I did this morning of myself reading 4 of my water poems. I’m proud of them.
Watched a short video with Hanif Abdurraqib while I at my breakfast (peanut butter toast). I love this definition of writing:
I think about writing as being in the pursuit of beautiful language to extract or shake out a curiosity that’s been long haunting me in a pleasurable way. And I’ll do as much as it takes and seek out as much language as it takes to get there.
I want to remember an idea I encountered in an explanation of yesterday’s poem of the day on poets.org. The poem was “Villany” in LA by Gabrielle Civil. Here’s their explanation:
About this Poem
“More than just rendering something in another language, the Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries remind us that translation is ‘the process of moving something from one place to another.’ What better way to signal that than a poem about public transit? In their book Villainy, Andrea Abi-Karam moves love and grief for those who died in the 2016 Ghost Ship [warehouse] fire in Oakland to me [as I’m] riding the train in Los Angeles. As with most translations, I move my reading into something else: this time, a new poem, which receives the original and carries it like a holy relic into a different city.”
I’d like to think more about translation and this movement and how I might play with it in my writing about running and swimming and my running/swimming-as-writing.
*river road, south/minnehaha falls/minnehaha creek path — past lake hiawatha, lade nokomos, the bunny/lake harriet/william berry parkway/bde maka ska and back
20 miles! The first half of it was fine, then I had some unfinished business and no porta potty for miles. I had to wait 3, or was it 4?, miles before I reached one at lake harriet. Then I went to another one at bde maka ska. I should have returned to the lake harriet one again before heading out into the porta potty dead zone, but I didn’t. Soon, it was difficult to run, so I did more walking than running for the rest of the time. Finally at the lake nokomis pickleball courts, another porta potty! As I waited to use it, I appreciated how lively and crowded it was: packed pickleball courts and playground. It’s great to see people using the park so much. In terms of the unfinished business, why is it such a problem? It is the cliff blocks I’m taking every 3 miles?
I listened to a cozy murder mystery — The Marlow Murder Club — which seems like a pale imitation of the Thursday Murder Club, but was a good distraction. I took out my headphones between the bunny and lake harriet and listened to the creek and a wailing kid.
20 Things
sparkling river water through the trees
heard, not seen — laughing kids across the creek — joyful exuberance
minnehaha creek — first calm and flat, then bubbling, then gushing
the path by nokomis, which was closed for the summer, has reopened — no more running on sharp gravel!
early, around 8:30, the pickleball court was already filled
a few barks from a dog, then a strange, terrible whining noise that I think (hope) was a machine and not an animal
a hopping squirrel — so graceful and fast, moving across the shaded grass
2 adults, an upset kid, and a stroller under the bridge
more slashes of red, but not much color anywhere else
heard, not seen — more laughin exuberant kids playing at the creek at the spot where the tall, pedestrian bridge crosses over to the other side of the creek
lake harriet was crowded — difficult to dodge walkers with dogs coming both ways
a beach with no buoys, an empty lifeguard’s chair
a woman adjusting her hiking poles, almost whacking me with them
taking william berry parkway to reach bde make ska, running down a steep hill
a striking contrast: waving blue water with bright green grass
images of butterflies imprinted in the sidewalk
a honking noise, sounding like a big ship — what was that?
a flotilla of sailboats, all with white sails
a real bunny hopping through the grass / a bronze bunny beside the creek path trail
a single, small leaf, floating under the duck bridge as I crossed it
20 miles was difficult and uncomfortable, but not terrible. I can definitely go farther in 2 weeks. During the last mile, I kept smiling, proud of myself for what I was accomplishing and how far I’ve come since getting injured during marathon training in 2017.
Such a beautiful morning! I marveled at it with a woman we passed on the stairs down to the east river road. Sunny and still with sharp, satisfying shadows. The first 5 miles were, as I said to Scott, not hard but not easy either. Just one foot in front of the other, moving forward. I had some unfinished business (which is my euphemism for needing to poop) that I had tried to finish before the run started, but couldn’t. Around 5 miles, we stopped at a porta potty — the last one for several miles — but it was locked and it didn’t seem like anyone was coming out anytime soon. I’m not even sure anyone was in there. So I kept going and it got a lot harder. Some stomach cramps and muscle clenching made the run more of a struggle, mentally and physically. But I did it and I don’t feel terrible now that I’m done.
10 Things
flat, still, blue water with dozens of single leaves sitting on the surface
clear, sharp shadows on the bridge — the railing slat shadows were a series of thin parallel lines
the sun reflecting off of the water and through the railing slats was very bright and trippy — so many flashes of light as the shine shot through the slats in a steady rhythm
at first we couldn’t hear shadow falls, but as we neared the monument, I heard the tiniest trickle
pleasing contrast — the bright blue of the sky against the green leaves of a maple tree
slashes of red and orange in the bushes at knee-level
running across the highway 5 bridge, the cars were loud but a speeding motorcycle was louder
more leaping grasshoppers, landing on our legs and feet
a group of people standing in a circle near coldwater springs
a screaming bluejay
Scott and I didn’t talk as much on this run. With my unfinished business, I was trying to focus on moving and didn’t have much to say. Mostly I talked about that or the condition of the path — I rolled my ankle twice (mildly, I hope). Scott talked about where we were (distance/time) in terms of the marathon and how he needs to practice for his gig on Saturday night. I also talked about how the Minneapolis Parks have very specific guidelines for the paved paths along the river — how level they must be, how much distance is required from the road. Scott said that that doesn’t seem to be the case in St. Paul and that he prefers to run on Minneapolis trails.
liquid looking
I’ve started writing around the idea, from Alice Oswald, of liquid looking. I need to gather the different definitions in one space (a job for later today?), but for now I want to mention what I was writing yesterday. It’s about the fish in me escaping (from Anne Sexton), a school of minnows at my feet as I entered the water, and imagining those fish as the insects, the spirits of sight, that Dante describes and that Alice Oswald understands as the light that travels and returns, making it possible for us to see. Here are a few lines from AO (Nobody):
There are said to be microscopic insects in the eye who speak greek and these invisible ambassadors of vision never see themselves but fly at flat surfaces and back again
In my version, the ambassadors of vision are little fish, and they speak in bubbles, not Greek, and they bubble-whisper the colors of things, like the water. I need to work on bringing in just a little bit more of the origin — Dante’s/Oswald’s idea of light spirits/insects — so that it makes sense for the reader. Here’s another passage from an interview with AO that might help:
I was just thinking an awful lot about light and vision and the way … well, light as an insect, really, which is not just Homer, it’s also Dante. I always loved this part of Dante where he talks about the spiriti visivi, I think they’re called. And this idea that when you look at things, what’s happening is these kind of, you know, these creatures are sort of moving out from your eye to the world and moving from the world back into your eye. I was trying to sort of slow down my senses while I wrote this poem and imagine even a sort of passage between myself and the world was a creature, living creature of some kind . . . .
I enter water and the fish in me escape — a school of minnows who dart past lunging kids before disappearing in- to the murk beyond the buoys. I won’t see them again but they are there flashing below returning to speak in bubble- whisper all the names of water’s colors silver pewter bronze copper’s weathered green reddish-purple rust
Reading this again, I’m thinking about the next line from Anne Sexton’s poem, “The Nude Swim”: The real fish did not mind. I’m really interested in this distinction between the real fish and my fish escaping and what it means and I think I’d like to bring that in here. It fits with something Scott was saying about the poem last night when I read it to him — something about beyond metaphor. I can’t remember, but I think it speaks to what real might mean here.
I enter water and the fish in me escape — perhaps they will join that school of minnows who dart past lunging kids before disappearing in-
OR
I enter water and the fish in me escape. The minnows do not mind as they dart past lunging kids on their way to what’s beyond the buoys. I won’t see my fish again but they’re there.
I could also end the poem with an altered version of AO’s, There are said to be microscopic. . . There are said to be tiny fish in the eye/who speak Bubbles . . .
5 miles bottom of franklin turn around 70 degrees / dew point: 63
So much sweat! The bill of my cap, the end of my ponytail, the tip of my nose dripping before I finished the first mile. Ran 3 without stopping, then walked until my heart rate was down to 135. Started running again to the metronome at 175 and finished with my winter playlist — time for a new playlist!
I liked running to the metronome (through my headphones, from the metronome/tuner app on my phone). I was able to match my foot strikes with the beat fairly quickly, but it took a few minutes for it to lock in. When that happened, I could feel the transformation from the edge of the beat (just before or after it) to the deep center of it. My foot strike seemed different, more solid and strong. The beat sounded different, less generic and more connected to a physical source (my foot). And I felt different, inside the beat, no longer a body but that steady clicking sound. Very cool.
It’s not quite the same, but I’m thinking of myself as Annie Dillard’s bell being struck. Also, Emily Dickinson and these lines:
As all the Heavens were a Bell, And Being, but an Ear, And I, and Silence, some strange Race, Wrecked, solitary, here –
10 Things
slashes of red in the bushes
a pinkish-orangish clump of leaves
almost all green in the floodplain forest
a shimmering circle of light: the sun on the river through a gap in the trees
a steady stream of commuting cars
mostly overcast, with occasional sun, enough sun for me to see my shadow as I walked home
at the beginning of my run, a for sale sign in a front yard, by the end of my run, it was gone
running down franklin, the trees were a yellowish green
at least one roller skier — maybe 2, unless it was the same skier
the bright, generous smile of a woman walking past me
Yesterday, I came across this cool poetry project, The BardCode Project:
In the BardCode Project Gregory Betts has analysed and mapped the rhyme patterns within Shakespeare’s 154 sonnets. Shakespeare built his famous sonnets by a unique sound pattern of rhymes in the final syllable, the tenth column, of each line. Betts asks, and answers, the question: What was Shakespeare doing in the rest of the sonnet?
The BardCode project maps out the full sound pattern of rhymes in all ten columns across all of Shakespeare’s sonnets. Colour coding these sound-codes results in a visual text rich with the sonic patterns of the poems. Suddenly, for the first time, you can see the BardCode.
14 miles randolph to the river / crosby farms / confluence 75 degrees / dew point: 68
And now it seems you are still summer. Still the high, familiar, endless summer. . . A warm September day. We started later than we should (9:30), but Scott and I both wanted to sleep in. Sun, some shade, an occasional breeze.
We took a new route: south on the west river road, over the ford bridge, north on the east river road, west on randolph — past st. kate’s, a walgreens, trader joes, a cool coffee place, a-side public house — to shepherd road and the river. Through crosby farms and past 2 lakes — crosby lake and ? lake, up a STEEP hill to the confluence, above hidden falls, over ford bridge again, and finishing north on the west river road. Wow, such different terrain. Randolph is a very cool avenue. Near 7th street, there are some great restaurants and quirky houses, their yards stuffed with flowers and sculptures and other whimsical thing.
It was hot! An hour in, we were both soaked. So much sweat! Tough conditions.
Mostly we were quiet, conserving eneergy, but we talked about the hills and the heat. Scott sang the song from his favorite childhood movie, Midnight Madness. Then he mentioned how he wanted to study its composition and explore what chords make a song a disco song. I recited W.S. Merwin’s “To the Light of September” at one point. I also talked about wanting to check out Phillip’s Aquatic Center with RJP this fall.
update, 17 sept: Reading a past entry (from 17 sept, 2023), I remembered that Scott talked about an article he read about how they (St. Paul? Minneapolis?) has been handling the ongoing problem of people stealing wires out of street lamps for copper. They’ve replaced the copper with aluminum and put signs on the posts that say something like, these wires contain aluminum and have no value. Scott added that aluminum isn’t as efficient as copper, but it’s helping with the theft problem. Typing this up, I also remember a random thought I had about street lamps vs. street lights. I was suggesting to Scott that we should start running again at the streetlight ahead of us in the parking lot. I thought, why did I call this a street light and not a street lamp? Is it because it’s much taller? A boring thought, I know, but I could imagine using it in a poem.
update, 21 sept 2024: I also forgot about the surrey! Finishing up the last miles of our run, entering the pedestrian side of the double bridge, we witnessed a surrey biking through the narrow bike part of the path. I have always wondered what happens when surreys (which aren’t supposed to travel this far from the park) reached the double bridge. How could they make it through? It was tight, but they did it. Not nearly as dramatic as I had imagined.
14 Things
some poop smeared on the sidewalk — someone must have stepped in it and then dragged it for several feet
passing by, but not stopping to read, several st. paul sidewalk poems near st. kate’s
the patio at carbone’s pizza place, looking very inviting with its chair in the shades and its planters creating some space from the road (mentioned this to Scott and he said there was also a sign that read, caution pizza crossing)
the loud beeping of a crosswalk sign (scott said it sounded more like the rapid fire of a machine gun, and I agree)
up and down and up and down — so many hills on randolph!
a few small leaves fluttering in front of me as we ran on the trail next to shepherd road
a woman on the ground, stretching, her bike nearby. as we ran by, she called out, way to go runners! you can do it!
the cool shade of the cracked trail in crosby farms
overheard: a walker to another walker — tomorrow we’re going to tum rup thai. they moved locations into a bigger space. I said to scott, where did they move? I want to go! just looked it up, and I can’t find the new location anywhere
the delightful knocking of a woodpecker on dead wood, echoing in the quiet forest
a group of high school cross country runners taking over the trail by the confluence. one kid was swinging his leg out onto the path
lots of bikers calling out, on your left
crossing the ford bridge again, looking down at the water, noticing the bumpy texture created by small waves
a guy (a dad?) on a bike blasting some music, two little kids sitting behind him in a safety seat
Windy, muggy, hilly. Mostly, the lake looked pewter a few times like oxidized copper — a rusty, tarnished green. Fluttering, falling leaves, leaf by leaf. Slashes of red and gold. Up north smells — pine? wildflowers? Up and down over little rises beside Lake Superior. Kids laughing and yelling in Leif Erickson Park. Morning! — a greeting from another runner. A woman with 2 dogs, wearing bright yellow pants, not looking as she stepped back on the trail in front of us. Rocky beaches below, echoes of hollow, metallic stones knocking against each other.
Overheard, one woman walker to another — and we’d get ALLmost two days!
A good run with Scott on our quick trip to Duluth with RJP. We did 9 minutes run / 1 minute walk the whole way. The marathon is less than a month away. Next week: a 20 miler!
