A bike in the basement to get my legs moving and to have the chance to watch something. Started with the next episode of Wednesday but, when she encountered another man with his eyes pecked out, then peered into his gaping mouth and was assaulted by a stream of crows emerging from said mouth, I didn’t know if I wanted to keep watching. Then she quipped, he was murdered by a murder of crows, and I did know, I didn’t. Next up: the new, 2025 version of Frankenstein. I got as far as the scene where the “monster” begins attacking the crew of a ship heading for the North Pole, but it was too violent for me. Then, I tried Train Dreams and made it to the part when the main character (who is white) is working for a railroad and his sawing partner — a Chinese immigrant — is dragged away from his work by 4 white men and thrown off of a high trestle. Too much for me today, I guess. I remembered that I was in the middle of watching a documentary about the poet, Charles Olson. So I found that, and managed to stick with it for the last 10 or so minutes of my bike. Sometimes I can find something to watch right away, and sometimes I can’t stick with anything. I should make a list of videos to watch before my next bike ride.
wrapping up the old year as I start the new one
Began working on my end of the year review. Realized that I’ve created a lot of new poetic forms. I should document that on my writing portfolio site. Decided I want to have a separate page titled, a year in pictures, since I posted pictures several times. After finishing this entry, I’ll get back to my 2025 cento. I’m not sure I like what I wrote yesterday.
Speaking about the new year, it started with a bang. Trump invaded Venezuela without congressional approval early Saturday morning. Heather Cox Richardson’s latest video does an excellent job of clearly describing why this is such a big deal. According to her, Trump and his administration are in a desperate position and are going to try a lot of bad shit (my words, not hers) to solidify their power. In the next 3+ months (she imagines we will know by May) either his Putin-esque totalitarian regime will take firm hold OR the American people will reclaim democracy and laws will be enforced. It’s going to get bad — much worse — before it gets better, if it gets better.
HCR on 3 jan 2025
All of this sounds bad, and it is, but HCR presents it in a way that is not sensationalized and is informed, informative, and offers hope and a chance for doable action.
note for future Sara: near the beginning of the video she mentions that some people are speculating Trump will do something big for the 5th anniversary of January 6th. Sara from 6 jan 2026, let us know what happens. Hopefully nothing.
4.5 miles minnehaha falls 20 degrees 100% snow-covered
Not a single bare spot on the trail or the road. Hard on the ankles, calves, and the eyes — so bright and white and endlessly nothing. Difficult to see where the snow was loose and where it wasn’t. It didn’t bother me; I’m just happy to be outside moving, connected to this place. Tried to greet everyone I saw — runners, walkers, at least one biker — with a wave or a hello.
10 Things
the smell of chimney smoke lingering near a neighbor’s house
soft ridges of sand-colored* snow covering the street — tricky to run over and through
empty benches
(almost) empty parking lots
a hybrid/electric car singing as it slowly rounded a curve near locks and dam no. 1
the sound of the falls falling over the ledge: almost gushing
scattered voices echoing around the park — at least one of them was from an excited kid
stopping to tighten my laces, a woman in a long coat nearby, standing and admiring the falls
splashes of yellow on the snow
bird song then a burst of birds briefly filling the sky
*sand-colored: using these words, I immediately thought of a favorite poem that I’ve memorized, I Remember/ Anne Sexton: the grass was as tough as hemp and was no color — no more than sand was a color
I listened to the quiet — barely any wind — for the first half of the run, then put in my “Sight Songs” playlist on the way back. Memorable songs: Sheena Easton’s nasally high notes in “For Your Eyes Only,” and the lyrics in the refrain —
The passions that collide in me The wild abandoned side of me Only for you, for your eyes only
Yikes. Also, these lines from The Who’s “Behind Blue Eyes”:
And if I swallow anything evil Put your finger down my throat
And if I shiver please give me a blanket Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
And these, from Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” which I don’t recall ever hearing:
Every now and then I know you’ll never be the boy you always wanted to be. . .
. . .Every now and then I know there’s no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you
(Almost) 9 Years!
Typically each year, I mark the anniversary of this log as the first of January, with a new year beginning on that day. But, that’s not the real anniversary of this log. It’s January 12th, 2017. Why the 12th and not the 1st? I’m not quite sure; I’ll have to look through my journal from that year. It seems fitting, with my affinity (see D. Seuss below) for the approximate, the almost, to not start on the first day of the year!
On This Day: January 3, 2022
Reading this past entry today, I re-discovered this beautiful poem by a favorite poet, Diane Seuss, Love Letter. Rereading it, so many words, phrases, ideas tapped me on the shoulder, invited me it! Here’s the second half of the poem:
I’m much too sturdy now to invest in the ephemeral. No, I do not own lace curtains. It’s clear we die a hundred times before we die. The selves that were gauzy, soft, sweet, capable of throwing themselves away on love, died young. They sacrificed themselves to the long haul. Picture girls in white nighties jumping off a cliff into the sea. I want to say don’t mistake this for cynicism but of course, it is cynicism. Cynicism is a go-to I no longer have the energy to resist. It’s like living with a vampire. Finally, just get it over with, bite me. I find it almost offensive to use the word love in relation to people I actually love. The word has jumped off so many cliffs into so many seas. What can it now signify? Shall I use the word affinity like J.D. Salinger, not a good man, put into the mouths of his child genius characters? I have an affinity for my parents. An affinity for you. I will make sure you are fed and clothed. I will listen to you endlessly. I will protect your privacy even if it means removing myself from the equation. Do those sound like wedding vows? Are they indiscriminate? Well then, I am indiscriminate. I am married to the world. I have worked it all out in front of you. Isn’t that a kind of nakedness? You have called for a love letter. This is a love letter.
sturdy! I love this word — the sound and the feeling of it: I like being sturdy. My Girl (in my Girl Ghost Gorge poem, the preferred version of me — Sara, age 8).
the “gauzy, soft, sweet selves” — these gothic girls, jumping off cliffs into the sea — a very different version/vision of a girl than mine
Linking these lines to others from Seuss, I imagine one version of her girl to be the one that died when her father did — she writes about him in Still Life with Two Dead Peacocks and a Girl. That girl’s father became sick when she was 2 and died when she was 7.
Of course, this is only one version of her girl. How many different versions of girls do I have? Do I write about?
Affinity?! Yes, I need to put that beside my list of “love?” words, accustomed, familiar, acquainted, known. Affinity = kinship, attraction, liking/affection, causal relationship, attractive force, “a relation between biological groups involving resemblance in structural plan and indicating a common origin”
Right now, I’m reading “You” as the poem and poetry.
Indiscriminate = not marked by careful distinction — ambiguous, sloppy? a (too) rough approximation?
love letter world . . . suddenly, I’m thinking of Emily Dickinson: This is my letter to the world that never wrote to me
That was fun, giving some time to these words! I am drawn — do I have an affinity? — to Diane Seuss’s words. Is it because my introduction to her was her fabulous poem about vision that begins with the line, the world, italicized? Or her ekphrastic poems, in Still Life with Two Dead Peacocks and a Girl?
a return to the ekphrastic!I am reminded of my past reading and writing about still life, especially with Diane Seuss. I’m imagining my “how to see” series of ekphrastic poems with a section on still life paintings and one on pastoral poems! Also, a section on artists with vision conditions or that particularly resonate for my vision: Magritte, Monet, Vincent Van Gogh. Ideally, a series of poems. But first, taking the time to gather all of the resources together, then to stay open to what could happen! I’m also imagining a section on cut-outs/silhouettes, which I studied during my shadow month.
Colette Love Hilliard and the erasure poem
Last night I bought CLH’s a wonderful catastrophe. Wow! I love it. This one reminded me of my blind spot/mood ring visual poetry:
from A Wonderful Catastrophe / Colette Love Hilliard
The first swim of the year! I started it out of sorts — leaky, fogged-up goggles; leaky nose plug; a stiff neck. But I kept going, lap after lap, and somewhere in the middle it got a little easier. Hovered around 1:40 pace for the whole swim, which didn’t feel hard, but also didn’t feel too easy or slow. Shared a lane with an older man in a red speedo. When I asked him if I could share a lane with him he said (jokingly, I think) as long as you behave!
vision note: As usual, I tried very hard to check the lane for another swimmer. I looked 3 or 4 times — I stared. I thought it was clear, so I got in. Nope, a swimmer. Luckily, I act as if there’s a swimmer there that I can’t see, so it’s not a problem that I couldn’t see him.
Pool friends: another older man in a speedo who was a good swimmer — he liked to do dolphin kick on his back, deep under the water; a woman in a green and black suit, also good, doing a steady freestyle; 4 or 5 other swimmers with bright pink, open water swim caps; 1 or 2 bits of fuzz; shimmering shadows on the pool floor; 2 lifeguards in bright red swim shorts.
locker room encounter:
An older woman sitting on the bench, wiping down her wet snow boots. Another women arriving, Shirley wears her boots when she does yoga, so you can, too. (I’m assuming that the first woman forgot her shoes for yoga class and was trying to figure out if she could wear her boots in class — did she?)
4.6 miles minnehaha falls and back 11 degrees 100% snow-covered
A wonderful way to start the new year: a run outside, in the snow, above the gorge! There were moments when it felt easy, but mostly it was hard because of the uneven, loose slow. I think my calves are going to be sore all day from the effort! Not injured, just tired from being used to push through and keep balance in the snow. Ever since we got the 5.8 inches of snow last weekend, it has been snowing a inch of two every night. It’s beautiful, but not fun to drive in — I’ve heard; I haven’t driven in at least 5 years because of my vision. It’s not always fun to run in (and on), either. But I’m not complaining, I loved being out there today.
I encountered runners, walkers, at least one fat tire. No cross country skiers or regulars. I heard some people sledding at the park, and the light rail leaving the station — oh, and a woman saying to someone she was walking with, I just need to get the shoes and I’ll be fine. What shoes? Fine for what?
10 Things
a bright while, almost blinding — I’m glad I had some dark tree trunks to look at
snow on the side of a tree making a pleasing pattern on the textured trunk
the falls were falling and making noise — more trickle than gush
the dark gray water of the creek was moving through shelves of ice and snow
the sounds of my yak trax in the snow: crunching and clopping and clicking
the smell of a chimney smoke hovering in the air
a small dome of snow on top of a wooden fence post
empty benches
a crunching noise behind me: crusty ice in my braid hitting the collar of my jacket
overheard: an adult to a kid playing in the backyard, are you having fun?
Running up and out of the park, I had a moment of freedom and happiness — ah, to be outside moving in this fresh air and all of this snow! I thought about my wonderful, low-key New Year’s Eve with Scott and our kids, both of whom are doing so much better at the end of the year than they were at the beginning, both excited and hopeful about the next year.
Today I’m submitting my book manuscript to another press, Yes Yes Books. Before I went out for my run, I drafted a pithy description of my collection, Echolocate | | Echolocated:
“Echolocate, echolocated: to locate using echoes instead of sight, to be located by the echoes you offer. In this collection, a girl and her ghosts visit a gorge daily to locate and be located by the rocks, a river, and the open air and all who are held by it.”
Here’s a beautiful poem I discovered the other day about (not) naming.
