3.25 miles locks and dam no 1 and back 73 degrees humidity: 67
Typical September weather in Minneapolis: cool, then hot, then hotter. I went out for my run late because I was watching Vingegaard finally show some panache on the final, ridiculously steep, climb of the Vuelta. Perhaps the most memorable thing about the Vuelta this year were the pro-Palestinian protesters. They disrupted several of the stages, resulting in the shortening of at least 2 of them, including the individual time trial. Mostly they peacefully (I think) occupied the finish line or lined the course with Palestinian flags. A few groups were more disruptive: cutting down a tree to block the road, running down from a hill and almost hitting some of the riders, and today, blocking the road and (possibly?) tackling one of the riders. I support the protesters and their movement, even as I disagree with some of their tactics that put the riders at risk.
10 Things
2 runners ahead of me, one in an orange vest. when I passed them, I overheard one say to the other, only 1.3 miles left. we can do it.
same runners, later, walking, one to the other: you go ahead, I’m walking the rest
the wheels of a roller skier, sounding rickety and rusted — or was it the uneven asphalt?
leaves floating in the wind, looking like flying birds
pale blue water below
encountering a guy with a dog: excuse me / oh — you scared me, you’re quiet / I’m sorry / no, that’s a good thing I thought: me, the running ninja
a coxswain’s voice below — rowers!
a small peloton on the road
an organized run, probably a 20 miler for the upcoming marathon — participants were wearing orange vests
the tree that was blocking most of the winchell trail has finally been moved
It was tough out there. I chanted a reminder in triples: in the heat/time on feet. Because it’s so hot, I’m not worrying about how slow I’m going, or how much of it I’m walking instead of running. It’s all about just getting out there and spending time moving.
Just discovered this book! I’m hoping I can find it in a library somewhere:
Out the front door, across the street, down the hill, and into Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx. This is how Ben Ratliff’s runs started most days of the week for about a decade. Sometimes listening to music, not always. Then, at the beginning of the pandemic, he began taking notes about what he listened to. He wondered if a body in motion, his body, was helping him to listen better to the motion in music.
update 28 dec 2025: A few days ago, I picked up a hard copy of this book from the library. I haven’t had a chance to read it. Part of my reluctance might be that it’s a lot of text, and there’s no table of contents or chapter titles. Difficult to get a sense of the book without those, especially for me with my limited vision.
4.5 miles monument and back 60 degrees humidity: 93%
A mist hanging above the river. A heavy white sky. It looked very cool, but felt too humid. Heavy legs. Not a great run, but still wonderful to be moving through the mist. Noticed more leaves changing, mostly yellow. Heard water falling in the Summit ravine: Shadow Falls. I imagined that it was not water falling, but shadows. Then I thought about myself shedding shadows as I ran. A cool image.
On the lake street bridge heading west, 2 more memoriable images.
First, a single shell on the river, rowing towards the mist. The rower in a bright yellow shirt. I couldn’t hear the paddles, but saw them gliding through the water.
Second, looking down at the shadow of the bridge: dark with a quivering edge. I thought about how all edges I see are often moving like this. The moving edge of the bridge is because of wind on water. The moving edges for me are because of dying cone cells.
bridge shadow, moving edge
Recited some of the chants I’ve been working on:
girl ghost gorge soft slow sight
saint peter saint peter saint peter sandstone glenwood glenwood glenwood forMAtion plateville platteville plateville limeston glac ial till glac ial till
In the late afternoon, Scott and I went to the lake. He was planning to take a walk, I was going to swim. I even brought my wetsuit. But, when I went down to the water, I immediately knew it wasn’t going to happen. The water lapping the shore was bright green and the water beyond it looked like green paint. Blue-green algae blooms. Maybe the blue-green algae was only in this spot, but probably it wasn’t. I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. So I took off my wetsuit and went for a walk with Scott instead.
4 miles river road, north/south 65 degrees humidity: 87%
Went out for my run later than I’d like because I was watching the final climb on the Vuelta. I was hoping Vingegaard would do something special but sadly he didn’t have the legs (as commentator Christian likes to say). Other favorite phrases from Bob and Christian on Peacock’s coverage of the tour: going from strength to strength, fire power, full cry, and Jonas & co..
The run was a little difficult, partly because of the humidity, partly because of my need for a port-a-potty. Sigh. Oh — and the front of my left knee felt weird — tight? — for the first 5 or so minutes. Even with the difficulty, there were moments I felt strong and bouncy. I did a few strides (sprints, fast bursts) at the end.
Thinking about Girl Ghost Gorge some more, working on triple chants related to rock.
st. peter sandstone st. peter sandstone st. peter sandstone limestone shale
Fall! Noticed a few more slashes of orange and yellow and some red leaves on the ground. More acorn shells on the trail. At the beginning my knee — I can’t remember if it was the left or the right one — hurt, a dull not sharp pain. I can’t remember when it stopped. Maybe it was when I started feeling the rumbling of unfinished business. When I reached the falls, I went to the bathroom. I’m ready to be done with perimenopause.
Running south, I listened to chickadees and music blasting from a bike radio — I recognized the 70s or 80s rock song, but now I’ve forgotten what it was. Just past the Veterans home, I put in my “the Wheeling Life” playlist.
10 Things
the sound of the rushing creek, 1: just before it falls over the limestone ledge
the sound of the rushing creek, 2: far below, as I ran over the bridge to the Veterans Home
a soft mist rising from the falling water
a half-filled parking lot at the falls
a full parking lot at the Veterans Home
an empty parking lot at Locks and Dam no 1
above on the bluff at Waban Park, a view of the river, the water rushing over the concrete, one white buoy, several redorangepink buoys
an American flag waving near the Veterans Home
strange flashes and a distorted view out of my central vision as I ran across the bridge — a result of facing the sun, I think
soft shadows from the chain link fence on the bridge
While I ran, I chanted in triples. I was hoping to center or ground or locate myself in the time and place. First, berries, then:
I am here/I am here/I am here I am now/I am now/I am now I am here/I am here/I am here It is now/It is now/It is now here here here/ now now now/ here here here/ now now now
Then, I added a condensed version of some Emily Dickinson:
Life life life/death death death/bliss bliss bliss/breath breath breath
Then:
I am here/I am here/I am here/Here I am 123/123/123/123
Throughout the run, I thought about locating myself and how I might translate that for my project. A list of surfaces? my landmarks? a topographical map?
Reviewing old notes and entries, including 19 may 2025, which includes a bit on context, I encountered the phrase, there or there abouts. I had written it in my notebook after hearing it several times on the TNT coverage of the giro d’italia (the tour of italy cycling race). Yes. When I locate myself, it’s not here! or there. but there or thereabouts. Maybe that could be the title of a poem for the collection?
there or thereabouts
double bridge old stone steps ancient rock / stacked with stones sliding bench near the fence under tree on the edge (of the world) high above down below in the flats past the creek wrapped in green off the ground / in the air deep in oak riverside locks and dam sewer pipe steep ravine brand new trail snowy path in the groove seeping hill leaking ledge eagle’s perch spreading crack
Do I want to do this poem in triples? Not sure. It is how I locate myself sometimes — by chanting in triples about what’s around me. This syncs up my feet with my breath and my surroundings. But, how does it sound? And does it work as a poem?
swim: .75 loop lake nokomis main beach 76 degrees wind: 29 mph gusts
Another swim! When RJP told me the buoys were still up I knew I needed to swim again. Wow, it was choppy, and wow, that water was cold, but it wasn’t too cold and the choppy water was fun. I think there were whitecaps. In one direction, I could mostly ride the waves, the other direction, I punched water. Both fun, but in different ways. Speed from one, power the other. Got tangled in some vines, but nothing I couldn’t get out of. Noticed: soaring and hovering seagulls, held up by wind; planes, bobby buoys, voices, and water rushing over me, water crashing into me, water dragging me forward and sideways. I wouldn’t want to swim in water like that every time, but it was fun today.
3.5 miles bottom locks and dam no 1 60 degrees / humidity: 59%
What a difference low humidity and less direct sun makes! Today’s 61 felt much cooler. A wonderful, early fall morning. Often September still feels like summer — that is, it’s uncomfortably warm — but this year it definitely feels like fall. It looks like it too. Leaves changing color already. At the bottom of the locks and dam, looking over at the east bank of the river, I think I noticed changing leaves. Not sure what color, just the sense that they were no longer green green green.
10 Things
at the bottom of the hill, the surface of the river was covered with swirls of green-tinged foam
the pedestrian gates to the lock and dam were open — I thought it was closed?
encountering an adult and a kid on bikes having just crossed the road. The kid: why didn’t they stop? the adult: because they were breaking the law
running parallel to a runner slightly slower than me. me, on the dirt trail in the grassy boulevard, them, on the river road trail
down on the winchell trail, admiring the color of the river: light blue and only partly visible through the green leaves
no puddles, but patches of soft dirt and mud from yesterday’s multiple rain showers
near the 38th street steps, another runner emerged from the trees and the part of the winchell trail that travels down to the oak savanna
the strange shuffle of someone’s feet — part-walk, part-run, part-skip
lots of cars parked on the street, lots of people walking towards the river — longfellow’s annual clean up the river event
water streaming out of the 42nd street sewer pipe
girl ghost gorge
It’s fall, so good-bye my obsession with open swim, hello girl and ghost and gorge. I’m hoping to build on the dozen poems I wrote last year and create a full collection. I want to add some different forms and approach my obsessions from different perspectives.
On the way home, a thought, partly inspired by W Berry’s reversal of wild and domestic: my collection of poems / hybrid pieces is about locating myself and making a home beside/above/near the gorge. In a disorienting time — for many reasons, including my vision loss — I’ve been running by the gorge to orient myself, to find a home space, to establish an enduring location.
connections and re-connections: place, family, others, a larger history, the non-human world, my body, a nation (not sure if nation is the right word here, but I’m thinking about the park system and public works projects in the US), past and future Saras.
a flash: somehow bring in the unigrid brochure that I did, or something like it, into the book — a map, a nod to the national parks — would this fit in this collection, or should it be a separate project? If not the unigrid brochure, take some inspiration from the WPA poets hired to write guide books, like Lorine Niedecker. Add in a few entries inspired by that?
Back to the connections/being located thread: I wrote in my Plague Notebook vol. 26: Locating myself on eroding, shaky ground. Too unstable for a foundation? No, but offering a new way of thinking about location and connection and where I might root myself. Not just rooted in the ground, but connected to water and air — the river, the gorge. The location is and is not a place: a specific location with paths and forests, a river, limestone and sandstone walls AND the absence of land that the gorge frames — space, air, Nothing.
Another cooler run. Shorts with my bright orange sweatshirt. Ran to the bottom of the franklin hill before I stopped to walk and use one of the few port-a-potties on the route. There used to be at least one more under the lake street bridge, but they removed it. Chanted in triple berries to keep steady and distracted, or focused, depending on your perspective.
Listened to rowers and a beeping bike that I thought might be a bird before I saw it and striking feet, all around. Lots of runners out there this late morning. Listened to my “Moment” playlist once I started running again. It started with U2’s “Stuck in the Moment” and I thought about my latest insomnia rut.
10 Things
a greeting from Dave, the Daily Walker: Happy 100 days after your birthday! Dave is the best — well, maybe not with his math!
dark and green in the tunnel of trees, a circle of faint light up on the hill
at least one yellowish orangish tree
down in the flats the river’s surface was laced with grayish-white foam
someone sitting on the sliding bench as I ran north, their bike propped behind the back of the bench
returning south, the sliding bench was empty so I stood behind it and assessed the crumbling hill and the block view of the white sands beach
finally took the dirt path that cuts behind some benches just south of the trestle
2 people walking 2 dogs, one person saying to the other something about an unwalked dog needing to be walked
2 women walking in the flats, one of them to the other: It’s by Ann Patchett. I wish I would have written down the passage.
running on the north double bridge — just past the old stone steps — something caught my eye on the fence. On the way back, I remembered to stop to check it out. A small cut-out of Frump’s head on a popsicle stick with a caption: ‘tator on a stick. I took a picture, but decided not to post it*
*it took me a minute to understand fully the meaning here — at first I was thinking of the state fair, but finally it hit me that tator = dictator. Memories of reading Simon Schma’s Citizens about the French Revolution and heads on pikes being paraded around Paris. A sad and scary time in this country to have a president who foments such violence and violent responses in others.
You
1
A line from Endi Bogue Hartigan’s poem “Running Sentences”:
First the cloud of gnats first the movement through the cloud and then the body, not a cloud
Something about running through gnats — which I’ve done many times — and the body as not a cloud, triggered past thoughts about encountering someone on the trail and what happens to the You in the time/space between my Thank you and someone else’s You’re welcome when I thanked them for moving over.
2
These were the original thoughts, from a 31 may 2023 log entry:
I had a breakthrough in the second mile as I passed a walker and a dog on the Winchell Trail. They noticed me before I reached them and moved to the side. I said thank you and the woman replied you’re welcome. As I continued running on the steep-ish trail with no railing I thought about how when I said thank you, I was the I, she was the you. But when she answered you’re welcome, I become the you and she the I. Each of us both. Then I started thinking about the space and time between when we each embodied the pronoun, before my I turned into a you or her you into and I. This is the space of possibility where unhitching can happen, when we can be both a you and an I or something else that doesn’t divide and separate or assign us a fixed role — as active I or passive you. A moment when we can experience or behold the is below the threshold of thought, over and above society and its constructs.
Cool enough today for my bright orange sweatshirt! Excellent running weather. I felt strong and was able to push through a few moments when I wanted to stop. Thought about the perception of time during difficult moments, particularly in terms of how to endure it — learning to hold multiple perceptions at once: time on a short scale, day by day, minute by minute, step by step / on a long scale, think beyond this moment to a bigger goal / as in flux, this feeling can/will change again, and again
10 Things
a cool, dark green
far ahead, tunnels of bright light
birdsong — difficult to identify
a coxswain — rowers down below!
kids arriving at school — heard, not seen: excited voices
a roaring creek
every bench, empty — a stone wall, occupied by a person leaning and looking at their phone
tall grass smell: almost like cilantro
sharp, yippy barks at the falls — two little dogs greeting each other
Hi Sara! / Hi Dave!
After stopping at my favorite spot at the falls, I put in my “The Wheeling Life” playlist. Most memorable song today: “Windmills of my Mind” and these lines:
Like a door that keeps revolving in a half-forgotten dream Or the ripples from a pebble someone tosses in a stream
I thought, ripples. Such a great word and image on the surface of the water, or from tall grass in a field, or through the thick leaves on a tree. Later, on my walk back, I thought more about ripples and triples and inklings:
an inkling
a ripple
a flicker
a ruffle
a whisper
a rumor
a tumor — where did that come from?
a lurking
a leaking
a speaking — soft, slow, barely audible
added a few minutes later: Early this morning, 5:30 am, I briefly woke up to stretch my restless leg. I noticed a flashing light through the blinds. An ambulance? The police? A fire truck? No. A runner with a flashing headlight running in the street. I’ve never seen that before, but that’s probably because I’m hardly ever up this early. Would I see it more if I were up this early? Probably.
3.1 miles 2 trails + tunnel of trees 56 degrees / humidity: 80%
Fall! Cooler this morning for my run. Windy, too. Ran south on the paved path, then north on the Winchell Trail. Heard kids arriving at Dowling Elementary. It’s the second day of school. Also heard wind rushing through the trees and some water falling out of the sewer at 42nd but not at 44th. No rowers or packs of runners or fragments of conversation.
Chanted in triple berries — strawberry/blueberry/raspberry — for several minutes then other triples — mystery/mystery/mysterydeepening/quieting/deepeninginterior/exterior/deep deep down Thought about surfaces again and their value. Wondered: should I spend a month studying surfaces?
Listened to my “The Wheeling Life” playlist for the last mile of the run. Started with “Proud Mary” and my feet found the fast beat. I swung my arms back and forth but imagined they were rolling like wheels. Rollin’ Rollin’ Gave the most attention to the lyrics of XTC’s “Season Cycle”:
Darling, don’t you ever sit and ponder (darling, did you ever think) About the building of the hills a-yonder (all this life stuff’s closely linked?) Where we’re going in this verdant spiral (‘Round and ’round) who’s pushing the pedals on the season cycle?
It’s September, so it is time to wrap up my reading of Endi Bogue Hartigan’s oh orchid o’clock. Here’s another great hour entry:
hour entry:The hawk is an approximate whisking together/ Endi Bogue Hartigan
The hawk is an approximate whisking together of fractions of itself the 23 intervals in the second the eye can see the 500 intervals in the second the ear can hear the 100 intervals in the second the bird can see. The second is forming midair like any duration or station in sun. Say “look a red-tailed hawk” and in that second the alliterative span of flashes of light formed by a moving pinking-sheared wing shape becomes it. I wish my words to become unfit for a second, to not make such burred sad sounds. The unspoken fractions of our seconds are expressed imprecisely all the time in seconds. “I’ll be there in a second.” “He was gone for a second.” “The next second they were on the ground.”
intervals / frames per second / illusion: converting what’s still into motion, what’s motion into a still / duration station span / blurred imprecise approximate
motion, the animation of the still still, the freezing of motion Oliver’s quieting of the spirit = slowing and smoothing of the motion
I was planning to bike over to the lake and swim this morning but it looked gloomy and ominous, and then started raining and thundering for several hours. Bummer. By the time it stopped raining it had warmed up and the sun came out. Even so, I went for a hot and humid run. Everything was wet. A slick trail, dripping branches, wet shoes and shirt.
10 Things
someone covered over the graffiti on the steps that read, stop hate, with blue paint
sky, part 1: gray, heavy
sky, part 2; blue and cloudless
empty river
white foam on the edge of the east bank near the franklin bridge
kids laughing on the playground at the church daycare
some orange and red leaves beyond the fence near east river road
the squeal of tires near the trestle — what happened?
orange cones lining the path: there must have been a race or a sponsored bike ride this past weekend
the sliding bench was empty of people but close to a thick veil or green
Listened to voices, cars, and drips for the first half of the run, my “Doin’ Time” playlist for the second half. The song I remember the most was Peter Gabriel’s “Playing for Time.”
Oh, there’s a hill that we must climb Climb through all the mist of time It’s all in here what we’ve been through
Not a fan of the phrase, mist of time, but these lyrics reminded me of a few lines from Mary Oliver that I read right before heading out for my run:
Slowly up the hill, like a thicket of white flowers, forever. (The Leaf and the Cloud/ Mary Oliver)
The lines just preceding these were a series of good-byes to the world: the swaying trees, the black triangles of the winter sea, oranges, the fox sparrow, blue-winged teal, lettuce, turnip, rice fields, the morning light, and the goldfinches.
Down, I’m getting it down Sorting it out So everything I care about Is held in here All of those I love, inside
Listening to these lines, I thought about Oliver’s deepening of the spirit. I thought about the interior and moving inside of yourself and of burying memories and ideas not as a way to avoid them, but to protect them. I also thought about someone growing older and having memory-loss and trying to hold onto faces and names and experiences. I weighed the possibilities and limitations of going deep inside as compared to opening up to the outside. All of these thoughts came at once — not in a linear progression — in a burst which lasted until I heard these lines less than a minute later:
There goes the sun Back from where it came The young move to the center The mom and dad, the frame
I just remembered: at the start of my run, I was thinking about the difference between ordinary and extraordinary time, which was a continuation of thoughts that began earlier this morning. Habits, routines, activities/events experienced again and again — the mundane — versus the scattered, sporadic occasions that break up the routine. While meaning and memories are often found in the singular moments, I’m drawn to the rituals and repetitions and daily events as where imporant meaning dwells.
Everyday. everyday = ordinary / every day = each day, daily.
Everyday—I have work to do (“Work” in The Leaf and the Cloud/ Mary Oliver)
I love that she writes everyday and not every day, so it’s not, each day I have work to do but, ordinary, everyday life: don’t bug me, I have work to do!
bike: 7.5 miles lake nokomis and back* 75/71 degrees
*instead of the river road trail, we took 44th until the falls park, which is shorter
A good bike ride with Scott. As usual, better on the way back — easier, more relaxed. On the way there: wind. No problems with panicking about not seeing. The ride home was great: the sun was setting soon. Passed by adults playing soccer or flag football or some team sport in the field by the duck bridge, and kids playing soccer at Hiawatha school. RJP and FWA both played for a season at Hiawatha. I played for 5 or 6 years when I was kid in Northern Virginia. I loved it; they didn’t.
swim: 2 loops lake nokomis main beach 74 degrees
Only 4 other people in the lake, and none of them were swimming laps, just standing around and talking — brrr, I bet that was cold! I swam far from the white buoys and almost completely avoided the milfoil. Only a few times, I got too close and felt the vines on my toes and wrists. For most of the swim there was wind and choppy water. In one direction, it pushed me along. In the other, I got to swim straight into it, which I liked doing. Mostly, a fun swim. The vines were the only bad thing about it. They were too thick by the one buoy so I didn’t want to circle around it. This made it much harder to loop, so I mostly stopped and twisted around. I noticed some birds in the sky and a few planes. Trees on the distant shore were looking less green — were any of them changing?
I thought about how this might be my final swim of the season. It’s cooler for the rest of the week — highs in the 60s, so they might take down the buoys soon. It’s been a great season. I swam for longer, both distance and time. And, I had fun reciting more water lines in my head and writing about water.
A beautiful morning! Sunny, only a slight breeze, algae-free water. There were 2 exuberant kids and a scraping shovel somewhere, so it wasn’t quiet above the water. But below: a deep soft-bottomed silence. My only complaint: too much milfoil! The vines were thick and just under the surface, wrapping around my wrist, touching my toe. Once, when I stopped to tread water, a vine encircled my foot. I wasn’t worried about them pulling me under, but I didn’t like brushing against them or having a pale clump suddenly appear in my face. I swam far out from the white buoys to avoid them, but then I had to worry about paddle boarders and kayaks. The vines were irritating enough to make me think maybe open swim season is ending. I want to keep coming this week until they take down the buoys, but navigating these vines is taking some of the fun out of swimming in the lake.
10 Things
2 women on a blanket speaking in Spanish
4 kids playing soccer in the sand, one the kids looked about 2 years old
a big bird high up in the sky, soaring
at least one plane taking off from the nearby airport
aggressive bird shadows — sharp, too close
sparkles on the water
racing a kayak, both of us parallel to the beach — I was winning, then I looped around
a metal detector man waving his machine over the sand
a few shreads of clouds in a pale blue sky
paddle boarders exiting the water — I’m so glad we were able to paddle board! And it wasn’t too warm!
Minutes after my swim, I felt the gentle, burning glow of muscles having been used. I will miss that feeling this winter!
The Poetry Daily’s poem-of-the-day is I, Lorine Niedecker. Very cool and difficult for my cone-compromised eyes to read, I’m glad they included an essay by the author about the process of writing the poem.
Surely, the finest way to appreciate Niedecker would be to read her well. And then repeated reading, reading aloud, transcribing the vibrant phrases on to paper, oh and even framing then. But how to linger in the presence of this voice, and let it echo within oneself, make her a part of oneself? Perhaps by applying Niedecker to Niedecker, I would arrive at a new condensary. De- and re- constructing her poems, deleting words, conflating words, writing through her writing.
After their explanation, Rao offers a writing prompt:
Pick a poet who moves you, isolate their characteristics, and apply this to their work. Using words from within their own work, write the narrative of their poetics or/and biography. Example: Get romantic and didactic with Wordsworth, apply surrealism on André Breton …
Imitation is the best form of flattery, but also of ridicule—so this kind of repetition can function as a spotlight or a spoof. I suggest choosing a poet you absolutely adore, as it’s better to have such a voice under your skin.
Someday I’d like to try this with Niedecker, but right now, I’m more interested in Alice Oswald and her collection, Nobody. And, maybe Mary Oliver, too — especially since I’m using her poem, Swimming, One Day in August.
4 miles minnehaha falls and back 63 degrees / humidity: 86%
Felt cooler at the beginning, then the sun came out. Warm! A good run. There was a nice spray coming off of the falls and lots of people taking selfies. I felt strong and able to run 2.25 miles without stopping for a walk break. A slow, steady progression towards more endurance. By winter will I be able to run 10 miles without stopping? I hope so.
Listened to cars and one runner’s slapping feet and rushing water on the first half of my run, then my “Slappin’ Shadows” playlist on the second half. I was hoping that listening to songs about shadows would make more of them appear! Did it? I don’t think so.
10 Things
a speedy runner sprinting past me, his feet striking the ground with a loud slap — Slap! Slap! Slap!
crunch crunch — discarded acorn shells on the trail
the steady whooshing of car wheels
2 walkers, or maybe runners who were taking a walk break, walking towards me, one of them saying, let’s turn around, the other, let me get some water up ahead first
empty benches, including the one above the edge of the world
crash! crash! some critter rooting around in the bushes in the park
kids laughing and yelling at the park playground
a runner with a white shirt wrapped around her waist, running on the bike path, then on the edge closest to the bike path, forcing runners and bikers to more around her
a roller skier on the walking trail doing a strangely slow shuffling exercise with her poles and roller skis
stillness: Anne Carson and taming uncontrolled movement:
The other day I discovered an essay by Anne Carson about her experiences with Parkinson’s, especially with trying to navigate tremors and tame uncontrolled movement. My experiences with vision loss are very different, yet I recognize similarities in terms of focused attention as a way to combat constant motion.
Righting oneself against a current that never ceases to pull: the books tell me to pay conscious, continual attention to actions like walking, writing, brushing my teeth, if I want to inhibit or delay the failure of neurons in the brain. It is hard to live within constant striving.
Since being diagnosed with a degenerative eye disease, I’m giving conscious, but maybe not constant, attention to how I see, to the complicated process of seeing. Some of this attention is out of curiosity and astonishment. And some of it is about helping neurons to fire in new ways and learning how to see differently.
The uncontrolled motion I experience is not tremors, but images that constantly shift and shimmer and buzz, usually in ways too subtle to see clearly. I feel them — soft notes of disorientation, dizziness, restlessness. Maybe you could call them tremors? The ground never ceasing to unsettle.
Recently, I’ve been writing about the different definitions of still. Is the constant motion I see never still? I’m not sure. I think I’m striving for new ways of defining that word and of accessing the feeling of being still, enough, calm.
still / enough / calm / quieter
Here are 2 more poems from Hartigan’s excellent collection, On Orchid O’clock that I want to put beside each other:
hour entry: Sorry, I am at the gym this instant/ Endi Bogue Hartigan
I am at the gym again this instant and of it, in its treadmills, its black tongues and beetle shines its oily handles in time and time and time intervals and people cupped and kept in beeps and measures, always. I’m nearly half done with my pre-programmed eliiptical slot, having spent 211 calories. This very instant a woman, having come in from the street, is staring at the smeared glass of the vending machine an instant too long, the change hot in her palm, a kind of calm as yet unspent. And I am bent away from God, running horizontally in place, & all instance protests movement, all instance must be thick with protest, coated with candle wax of sadness, walking upright like unlit wicks.
The treadmills black tongue / time and time and time intervals (intervals as verb?) / people cupped and kept in beeps and measures / 211 calories / I am bent away from God
hour entry: Orchids because orchids are impossibly mimicking / Endi Bogue Hartigan
Orchids because orchids are impossibly mimicking the milk fluid capture of being orchids, orchids because they are grown commercially in soldiering rows in hothouse tents, because they are given as gifts for merely being orchids, because they are inherently exceeding themselves and held as if rare, though they are not, their stems are second hands untimed and slightly skewed to binding. Orchids because they are wrist-colored, because they are eyelid textured, because they are partial light captured, because they are hard to keep living. And on the slope of a hillside of a rainforest of my childhood was an orchid nursery. I don’t know I ever entered it, but knew the plastic walls sweat.
I love the repetition in this poem — the orchids, because orchids as partial light captured / eyes as orchid textured / the slope of a hillside of a rainforest of my childhood
Cooler this morning. Quiet. Ran earlier than usual: 7:30. Lots of traffic on the road, some on the trail too: walkers, runners, bikers, strollers, at least 2 roller skiers. I could hear one of the roller skiers as it approached, scraping their poles on the ground. No clicks and clacks, just scraaaape scraaaape. Running past the rowing club, I encountered a group of people in bright yellow vests emerging from below. Were they rowers, and did they wear those vests on the water?
After reaching the river, I noticed the fence slat, pushed loose by a leaning tree trunk, was looser today. Greeted the Welcoming Oaks, good morning! hello friend! The sunlight was beautiful in the tunnel of trees — thin strips of light coming through the leaves.
Found this poem yesterday. It’s great for my interest in ekphrastic poetry and color:
bike: 8.6 miles lake nokomis and back 64/71 degrees
Hooray for feeling comfortable on a bike! Able to see enough to not feel scared.
…sitting on the back deck to write this, a wave of ear piercing cicada buzz just passed by. Wow! What’s the decibel level of that?
Rode into the wind for a lot of the ride — and not just the wind I was making with my moving body. Wondered if it would be choppy at the lake. (it was). At one point, when the wind seemed particularly strong, I could feel how un-aerodynamic I was — an upright form fighting against air. I tried to get more aerodynamic, leaning low and over my hips, my bike as parallel to the ground as I could get it. Thought about ironman triathletes who can bike like in an even more parallel position for almost 5 hours. Wow, how many hours of training and lifting and working with a coach must you need to keep that form for so long?
The bike ride back was wonderful. What a beautiful late summer day! Sunny, warm in a way that’s welcome because it was cooler in the morning.
swim: 2 loops 56 minutes lake nokomis main beach 66 degrees
I did it! 1440 minutes, 24 hours, one day swimming in August! Hooray for ambitious goals that push you to do a little more than you would have otherwise. Swimming a total of 24 hours (over 21 swims) was a commitment for sure, but it wasn’t an unreasonable commitment. And the biggest challenge was not getting my body to swim that many minutes — and miles, over 40 — but having clean water and an open lake. Lake Nokomis was closed for 2 weeks in August due to elevated e-coli and algae blooms.
24 hours was a good goal. Enough to challenge me and enable me to get deeper into my swimming and writing about swimming, but not too deep to sink me, to overwhelm and injure me. That’s another definition of Mary Oliver’s deepening and quieting of the spirit: deepening my commitment, steadily chipping away at the time (a quiet = still = steady approach).
The water was empty of other humans. I don’t remember seeing/hearing any ducks or geese or seagulls either. Lots of milfoil, both tethered and floating in segments on the surface. Too many milfoil vines near the white buoys. They seem to be increasing every time I swim. Boo! I went much farther out to avoid them, and when I veered closer, I could feel them wrapping around my wrists and ankles. Join us, I briefly imagined them saying. No thanks!
Yesterday while looking up recent drownings in Lake Nokomis — the ones I remember are the South High football player in 2013 and the 11 year old girl in 2023 — I discovered that someone else drowned last week. A woman who (presumably) took her own life. Rescuers were searching for more than 24 hours, looking for the body. They found it. As I swam out to the white buoys, I thought about this woman and the others that had drowned, wondered how terrified I would be to encounter their dead bodies bobbing in the water. Another meaning of deepening/quieting of the spirit.
The water shimmered in the sun, sometimes like silver, sometimes glass. There were little waves, big enough to make a noise, but not big enough for white caps. Before I got used to the rocking movement, I was slightly dizzy. I liked the chop. I was able to got faster heading north with the wind, and more powerfully heading south against it.
The sky was a deep blue with a few clouds. They were fluffy like cotton balls, some of them big, like a whole ball, some of them wispy and small, like one chunk of the ball. Noticed a plane, parallel to the water.
The water was thick with particles, impossible to see too far in front of me — only my hand and the trailing bubbles.
Heading north, following the path of an open swim loop, I looked up and imagined that the orange buoy was far off in the distance. Oh, to have it appear to be able to swim out and beyond it!
When I finished the swim, I sat on the sand, feeling the sun on my back, looking out at the water and reflecting on the season. What a summer! I hope to come back to the lake more times this week and until they remove the buoys, but whatever happens, I met my goal and have no regrets about how much I swam this summer. Good job, Sara!
today’s inspiration
One of the poems-of-the-day offers inspiration for my Swimming One Day project:
There’s a poem I tried to write about bathing you the last day you were alive.
On one of our drives home: I want to die without shame.
You didn’t elaborate. I described standing across from a stranger
paid to do this work, her presence anchoring me in the task
with you between us. From this distance I can use the word task.
Your pain the astrologer said A gift for others
A mixing bowl filled with warm water
we dipped washcloths into before wringing them out
rested between your legs. The phrase utilitarian tenderness served
some containing purpose I needed at the time.
A great effort to come up to the surface of yourself
to say what you said to us. A student writes two lines
about an aging parent they think are boring and may cut.
That poem did not belong to language, and surpassed touch
Dough rising somewhere under a red and white
dishtowel in that bowl
about this poem
“The task is attempting to write the poem again the task is bathing the dying the task is work done for wages the task is recognizing the encounter that refuses containment that insists on experience outside narrative time the task is to not entomb memory in language to not reduce grief to a quotable thing the task is to feel the edge of a void and keep going inside the feeling the task summons in you the task continues despite”
inspirations
create a set of poems — one of them is the main poem, another about it, explaining it in some way, sideways or front ways or back ways, and maybe a third one that condenses it (like Hardly Creatures and the original poem, replica, souvenir)
a pair of poems, the second, the reflection of the first, as if on the surface of water, and darker, like A Oswald’s line about water letting you see twice but more darkly
take an idea — in the poem it is “task” — and play around with a wide range of meaning. I’m thinking: “day” or “quiet/still”
run: 2.45 miles around lake nokomis 76 degrees
Went back to the lake in the evening with Scott. He started running north, I started south around the lake. I haven’t run here at all this summer. Stopped at the little beach briefly to check out the algae. Since my swim this morning, the test results have come in and there is an blue-green algae advisory at both beaches. They tested it on Monday when it was the worst. It’s better today.
Over halfway around, I passed a young boy walking by himself. After I passed him, I heard somebody running like they were trying to catch me. I think it was him. The footsteps lasted for 30 seconds? a minute? then stopped. I kept running until I reached the overlook on the cedar bridge then briefly stopped to take in the view. I noticed waves and the silhouettes of 2 kayaks in the distance, silvery water.
10 Lake Things
a guy calling out, no! drop it! drop it! no! no! — I’m assuming they were talking to their dog, but I didn’t see
a kid’s loud foot strikes
a group of people crossing the path, heading for the dock
the soft sand of the dirt trail next to the path
2 kids climbing the leaning tree that I used to run by and think it looked like a woman arching her back
an opening in the vegetation, an empty bench, a person closer to shore
2 women’s voices on the water near shore — were they in a kayak or a canoe?
the bridge has lane markings for a bike path — that’s new
the smell of cigarette smoke near the booth where they test for zebra mussels
a woman and a man blocking part of the path — the guy practicing a stretch as the woman gave him pointers — his coach?
bike: 8.6 miles lake nokomis and back 62/66 degrees
Feeling a bit tired and out of it this morning. Yesterday, Scott and I biked over to the State Fair and spent the entire day walking around with 145,000 other people (a record!). Wow, crowded. And fun. And great to bike there instead of driving or taking a bus. We biked 10 miles and walked almost 9.
Even with all of yesterday’s exercise, today’s bike ride wasn’t too difficult. Not easy to see with the gray sky, but not too many people around so it didn’t matter. Encountered acorns, walkers, runners, a few other bikers, and one dude on a hover board.
swim: 1 loop (6 mini loops) 30 minutes lake nokomis main beach 65 degrees
The water looked smooth and silvery from the shore, so I was excited to get in. When I did, uh-oh, a film of green. Not quite looking like green paint, but not not looking like green paint either. Blue-green algae blooms? I got out and walked the shore, wondering what to do. Was it an isolated patch? Should I stay out of the water? I was thinking of biking over to the other beach when I saw another swimmer get in. Decided to go for it, but only a shorter swim until the testing results come out later today — they always test the water on Mondays with results on Tuesdays.
It felt great to be in the water, but I was uneasy. Would I run into slime? No, but I encountered even more milfoil than usual. So many vines reaching up to tap my foot or wrap around my wrist. No thanks.
Out, just past the white buoys, the water didn’t seem too bad — no slime, not that green. Quiet, calm. No boats or other swimmers. One seagull that was committed to their perch on a white buoy. 4 geese having a conversation on the edge of the shore. A few ducks. The water was colder. By the 6th loop, my hands and feet were getting a little numb. Time to get out!
10 Things
swirls of green on the surface when looking from abover
goose poop on the sand, feathers in the water
thick, opaque water
a silvery surface in the distance
seagull on a buoy
swimming directly over some clusters of milfoil, inches from my face, its sudden appearance was unsettling
a feathery soft tap on my heel — swimming over milfoil
a kid at the nearby playground repeating the same phrase over and over (6, 7, 8? times) it’s so quiet
wading through water, a line of green at the point of contact between suit and lake
clouds then, at the end, the sun breaking through
Swimming One Day
With today’s morning swim, I’m done to 56 minutes left. If it were actually a day, it would be 11:04 pm. Very close. Hopefully the lake won’t be shut down with algae blooms in a few hours! If that happens, I will still swim the 24 hours by finding water somewhere, but it will be more difficult.
hour entry: That it never/ Endi Bogue Hartigan
-That in 1751 Carolus Linneas conceived of a floral clock, a botanical garden designed with species that blossomed predictably at certain hours of day, so that walking through it, one could tell time from the petals.
That it never worked may have been critical to the pollen of future ruins and revolts, that the lily wrist opacity decided not to show itself, that 6:00 industry was lost to the ants and the nectar chambers, that I got nothing intended done all day and coworkers floated between cubicle sunbeams, that the cockle shell women and the snapdragon breaths and the pin code clues and the politicians’ shoes never quite stood to stand there in a punctuating sequence, that all sequence would stymy and revolt, that Mary mary, alarm and delay and caterpillar-staring, that the empirical battalion of the flower clock disintegrated by noon, that subsequently there would be wilderness of soon and soon and soon where the ruins of the instrument held us.
Is this poem in the collection that mostly directly references the title, on orchid o’clock? Possibly. I love the idea of a botanical clock! And also, I don’t. What a delightful way to connect the natural world with our sense of time and what an impossible way to impose invented time on the natural world. And that wilderness of soon by noon? I love that as a description of rewilding! I want to memorize this poem for tomorrow’s swim!
An idea somehow inspired by giving attention to this poem : 24 short poems — inklings? — about swimming one day in august.
Cooler! It makes such a difference for my running when it’s cooler outside. Easier, more relaxed. I’m looking forward to more fall and winter running! Running north I listened to the wind, the birds, a strange sound — a kid crying out? a dog barking? — coming out of a neighbor’s house. Running south I put in my “It’s Windy” playlist. Windy has stormy eyes/that flash at the sound of lies.
2 strange ensembles:
a biker stopped on the edge of the path, his back turned to me. I almost didn’t see him because he blended into the trees. I think he was wearing a camo jacket and shorts. Why would you do that?
a runner approaching me in a half-zipped shirt — or was it a bike kit? — and no socks or shoes. They were running barefoot. I’ve seen that before, but rarely. I thought that trend went away 7 or 8 years ago?
Early on, I chanted in triple berries: strawberry/raspberry/blueberry. Then, other triples: intellect/mystery/passing through/persistent/enduring. Persistent and enduring came as I passed by the big crack that they’ve tried to repair several times but just keeps coming back. I started thinking about my persistence and then stillness and deepening as steadiness, which led to thoughts of my core. I imagined my belly button was leading me. I thought in a triple: who needs eyes? Then I imagined seeing with my stomach or my shoulders or my feet. I focused on my center as balanced and stabilized and still as it moved through the windy bluff above the gorge. Finally, I thought about my belly button as the place that once tethered me directly to my mom. How long did these thoughts last? I’m not sure.
10 Things
roller skiers
someone wearing all black sitting at a bench
river surface, 1: rough, empty
river surface, 2: looking north it was flat, south a glitter path
a shorter runner passing me, holding a sweatshirt awkwardly
the big crack in the path, still blocked off
no more limestone slabs stacked and looking like a lounging person under the franklin bridge
a damaged fence: the top slat missing
returning south, the wind was at my back, enabling me to go faster
no stones stacked on the ancient boulder — too windy?
I thought about the wind and how I noticed it only as it encountered objects — trees, fences, rocks, me. Then I thought about what happens when it doesn’t encounter anything, which led me to wind tunnels and aerodynamic testing and then a line from Rita Dove’s poem, “Voice-over”:
because now you’re all throat, a tunnel skewered by air.
3 loops 54 minutes lake nokomis main beach 62 degrees
A little colder this morning. The water was warmer than the air. Windy, too. I liked how the wind made the water choppier — another day of gentle rocking. Swam loops off of the main beach, near the 4 white cylindrical buoys. I wasn’t too close to them because of all of the milfoil just under the surface. So many vines reaching up to briefly wrap around my heels and ankles!
I was joined in the lake by the vines, a few seagulls, maybe a duck (can’t remember), a silver canoe in the wading area with at least 2 people in it, fish (I’m imagining), my sparkle friends, and, at the end, 2 cute little kids and an adult (Dad?) giving one of them a piggy back ride and singing a silly song to them. again! again! they cried.
Wow, did I feel the deepening and quieting of the spirit! Recited Oliver’s poem and thought about that quieting as a stillness in my core, and the stillness not as motionless but a steadiness — enduring, endurance, duration, durable. I was less certain about the deepening. Not going too deep in the water; I like to be just under the surface. And not deep and thinking too much — I’m remembering Maxine Kumin’s line about the thinker as the sinker. I like deepening as commitment, a rootedness, a settling in.
I condensed the words in Oliver’s first verse:
now time said / quiet happens now I / flux now / I quiets / flux happens
I’m thinking of deepening and quieting as condensing. Getting to the essence of something, removing the layers, cutting through the flux of happenings to a/the core.
hour entry:it is reported/ Endi Bogue Hartigan
It is reported that 11th century Chinese peoples employed a wooden clocklike instrument that calibrated time by burning camphor, rhubarb, aromatic scents through the particular mapped incineration path of freshest ash, one could map the hour of day… it is Mountain Pear o’clock, it is Pine Ball it is Maze Petal it is Spine Curl o’clock, only part of this is imagined.
3.6 miles locks and dam #1 74 degrees humidity: 88% / dew point: 65
I’m trying to write this entry but I’m distracted by the little kids next door in the front yard — such cute voices. One of them was singing a song — take this grass. . .broken world. . . broken glass.
Refrain: hot, humid. Even so, a better run today than the last one I did. When was that? Tuesday (checked my log). Ran all the way to the bottom of the locks and dam #1 hill without stopping. Noticed the river. Such reflections! Clouds, trees, the bridge. Took a picture:
bridge / clouds / surface / sky
The water was smooth beneath the bridge and rippled (corrugated, as Anne Carson wrote) farther out.
Everything is still this morning, calm, quiet. Partly inspired by my 21 aug 2024 entry, I thought about being still. Not as not moving, but as a calm, steadiness. Stillness as the space between beats, when both of my feet are off the ground. Or, stillness as my strong core that floats through that space — suspended as held up in the air, not as stopped.
10 Bridge Things
at the top of the hill, in-between the top and bottom of the bridge, a family was sitting on a bench
the gate near the columns of the bridge was unlatched and slight ajar
beyond it, hollowed out bricks with a strange pattern
empty benches all the way down
the reflection of the bridge on the water’s surface, upside down
a car nearing the bottom, voices — couldn’t hear what they were saying but imagined it was about whether or not the locks and dam was open
the echo of my footsteps under the bridge
the clicking of a bike’s gear across the service road
thought about what RJP told me yesterday: someone went over this locks and dam in a canoe (or was it a kayak?) yesterday
at the top of the hill again, a man read the sign to a little kid who started jumping and asked him to join — by the time I reached them, they were both jumping and laughing and making goofy noises
the deepening and quieting of the spirit among the flux of happenings
still
I thought about being quiet and calm and the opposite of restless and anxious. Then I thought about my core — literally and figuratively. Core = my core muscles, strong back, a straight spine. Core = enduring values, character. I felt the stillness within my self and my body even as the world blurred and floated and drifted around me. Then, Mary Oliver’s “deepening and quieting of the spirit” popped into my head — amongst the flux of happenings. Yes! A stillness of the spirit, where stillness is being satisfied and balanced and present in the moment, not needing to do more or feel guilt or regret for what was or wasn’t done.
/I still the clock by holding the pendulum coin still so that the mechanism stops and I can sleep without the consciousness of it.
to still the clock is a ritual of the demagnification of clocks.
/it is a kind of violence of fiction for the clock to not function as a clock while others click and breathe and blink.
the eyes blink more before they stop functioning as eyes.
/the rapid eye movement of dream frightening being pure pulse, pure frenetic zag force
/to watch a gold-painted platinum extravagant clock you’re an excess you’re a fire you’re in competition with the tiredness of time. /to hold in your satiny eyelids the still unstill pendulum of the gaudy machination you are in unison
with the aspirant expirations of the day.
still / holding / pending / stop sleep / not function / click / breathe / blink / dream / pulse / excess / rapid fire extravagance / tiredness / still unstill / aspire to expire
underwater the end (expiration) is the breath (expire) the end / forced above / evicted from below / no longer water but air
In this poem, to still is to stop, to end, the deep sleep
swim: 6 loops 110 minutes cedar lake open swim 82 degrees
The final open swim of the season. It goes so fast! Another great night for a swim. Warm, sunny. I liked that the wind made the water less smooth — not too rough, a gentle rocking. The course was set up strangely and even though I complained about it afterwards, I think I liked the challenge of it. One buoy was in the middle of the lake, the other was at the far left edge of hidden beach. At first I worried that this set-up would cause chaos with swimmers crossing over the path and running into to each other, but it was fine.
a risky moment: Because the course was so far to the left, I swam in water I haven’t before. Almost halfway across, I swam straight into a nest of vines — the biggest cluster of vines I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t panic and was able to swim out of it, but I could imagine a weaker swimmer struggling to free themselves and getting wrapped more tightly. As I swam away from it, I thought about the high school football player that drowned off of the little beach at lake nokomis about 10 years ago. That’s probably how it happened.
Some things irritated me: the swimmer that I tried to pass but sped up to prevent it, another swimmer stopped at the buoy, blocking the way, the unmoving lifeguard on his kayak too close in on the course, the bright sun making it almost impossible to see anything on the way back, the scratchy vines. But more things relaxed and delighted me: the gentle water, feeling strong and able to swim for so long, swimming past other swimmers like they were standing still, the faint clouds in the sky, the solitary orange buoy sitting on the surface of the water glowing, glimpsing other swimmers off in the distance — only inklings: the flash of a yellow or orange buoy, a bright pink cap, white foamy water.
overheard:
a mom with 2 kids, one who was around 4 or 5, the other a baby in her arms, to a lifeguard: Can he swim out to the orange pyramid? lifeguard: (thinking she meant the baby and not the kid) alone? mom: oh no, not the baby!
Later I heard her recounting the story to a friend. They were laughing about it.
At the end of the second to last loop, I stopped at the beach, stood in the shallow water and the sand, checked my watch, and decided to do one more loop. For the final loop, I felt Mary Oliver’s one day in August, everything calm and quiet. I thought about what a great season it has been, how grateful I am to have this time swimming, and how satisfied I am to have taken advantage of it. No open swims until next June. I thought about how no next season is guaranteed; a lot could happen between now and then. Then I remember the story of my great-grandmother Johanna standing out in the field at the farm near the end of the fall to behold the familiar view, wondering if she’d still be around the next fall.
Hooray for biking to a lake that is open again! Had a few (almost) moments of panic — maybe not panic, but feeling unsettled. Everything blurred or smudged. I could see enough but not as much as I wanted to. The rest of the time, the ride was more than fine.
Nearing the double bridge, I could hear a bike approaching from behind. I slowed down to let him pass and he called out, in a chill and kind voice, you’re good — it’s single file here. After making it through the bridge, as he passed me, he called, those e-bikes are scary! I agreed, but wasn’t sure why he mentioned it. Only now, writing this, did I remember that some e-bike passed me going very fast and without warning me. I suppose that was what he was referring to.
swim: 1.75 loops (6 mini loops) 45 minutes lake nokomis main beach 72 degrees
The lake and the beach were empty. Noticed some signs near the shore — oh no, is the beach still closed? Nope. Those signs were for more information about blue-green algae and weren’t announcing that the beach was closed.
The water was great. Not too cold, clearer than cedar lake. Saw some of my sparkle friends and a lot of ducks. At least 2 different ducks crossed my path as I swam. quack quack
Forgot to count loops; counted number of strokes for one loop (250) and each of the four white cylindrical buoys as I swam past them, and my five strokes between breaths.
Encountered a lot of pale milfoil, a few paddle boarders, a canoe. No other swimmers.
Right before starting my swim, I heard a dog barking on the other side. Something about the deep sound, repeated half a dozen times, that seemed solemn or ominous.
It was wonderful to be swimming in lake nokomis all alone. So quiet! So relaxed. A definite deepening and quieting of the spirit.
For part of a loop, I recalled the woman I met who had been bit by a fish and was unsettled. Will any fish come and bite me today? Then I remembered that it annoyed her, but it didn’t seem to hurt or haunt her. Barely a nibble.
Later, I recall thinking about how my world is always underwater: distorted and approximate forms, softened features, a sense of disconnection but also a new logic of connection. Right after that thought, I noticed how underwater was green, above blue — blue sky, blue surface, green everything else
hour entry:I made a chart today a beautiful/ Endi Bogue Hartigan
I made a chart today a beautiful weekly chart for links and breakages and shoulder pulls and astronaut walks. Some items are measured in repetitions, some in minutes and I endeavor to note on which days I have devoted my body’s minutes and repeated movements through time space onto this chart. At the end I hope for late endorphin states, and an even gait, and for uncertain ailments to dissipate by my discipline.
chart / shoulders / repetitions / measured minutes / devotion to minutes to repetitions to even gaits to uncertain ailments
What does my watch watch?
minutes / loops / beats / strokes / effort / uneven gaits / balance / breath / pace / distance / errors / miscalculations / days / dates / hours / location / light / how loud that military plane flying overhead was / ambient light / laziness / discipline / dedication / obsessions / hesitations / regrets
swim: 3.25 loops 75 minutes cedar lake open swim 81 degrees
Another beautiful night for a swim! And the buoys were back where they belong: close to point and hidden beach. I didn’t feel too sore even though I swam earlier today. My shoulders were fine the whole swim, but my right tricep started to ache on the second to last loop.
Everything was great in the water except the vines. So many vines — strands, clumps, nets of vines. I kept swimming through them and as they hit me with their sharp scratchiness, I flinched. I’m glad I didn’t pull something in my neck with all the flinching I was doing! And the vines didn’t want to leave. They wrapped around my feet, my wrists, shoulders, head. One persistent clump wrapped around my safety buoy and kept tapping me on the thigh until I finally realized what it was and ripped it off and threw it.
The sky was blue with a few fluffy clouds and an occasional soaring bird. Oh, and a dragonfly! I haven’t seen many of those this summer.
Today I noticed the spray from my arm as I lifted it out of the water. Dripping in an arc as my hand traveled from my hip to past my head and back into the water.
One more day of open swim club. How can it be over already?
Ugh — so thick! Oh well, there’s one good thing about this consistently hot and humid weather in the morning: it’s making me want to be done with summer and ready for fall and winter running. My calf almost cramped after 4 minutes of running again. I had to walk it off. I wonder what’s causing this?
Heard a lot of rowers on the river. And not just the coxswain this time; I also heard rowers cheering for each other. Was it a class? The U of M team? I stopped on the winchell trail to try and see them but I couldn’t. Too many leaves in the way.
Evidence of rain everywhere. Lots of mud, gushing and spurting sewers. The pipe that dumps neighborhood water down the ravine and into the river at 44th was loud. I decided to stop and record a video of it. In the background, you can hear the coxswain.
water falls / coxswain calls
When I wasn’t on the winchell trail, I listened to my “Doin’ Time” playlist, including Beck’s “Time Bomb.” The first time I heard that song was in the Funny or Die video with Will Ferrell and ? (can’t remember the other actor) going around Los Angeles and high-fiving everyone. Tried to find a clip of it but couldn’t.
When I looked up “time bomb beck video” a promo video for charity: water came up from 16 years ago. The organization was seeking donations to help in drilling for water in Central Africa. I don’t know enough about whether or not this is a good (effective, responding to the needs of the people by asking them what they need) organization, and I couldn’t tell from the video, partly because I couldn’t see it very well, but its reminder, at the beginning, that water is life and its emphasis on access to water offers an important link between time and water and a powerful contrast between my experience, living among so many lakes, and the experience of others without easy access to water.
I am reminded of a passage in Anne Carson’s “1=1.” After describing a scene of a train car in Europe over-stuffed with people fleeing war zones, she writes:
a scene so much the antithesis of her own morning she cannot enter it. What sense it makes for these two mornings to exist side by side in the world where we live, should this be framed as a question, would not be answerable by philosophy or poetry or finance or by the shallows or the deeps of her own mind, she fears.
1=1/ Anne Carson
Impossible to answer, important to dwell within the discomfort of it.
hour entry:When John Adams wrote / Endi Bogue Hartigan
Another toll, another count of automatic weapon casualties, another occasion of America losing track of its math. I read today that when John Adams wrote “Thirteen Clocks were made to Strike together,” clocks were a tolling of public event, rung, an occasion or station in sun. I slept, and woke, I slept too long and woke. I tried to count the measured world by reading. Read “Thirteen Clocks,” read the late morning sun slant, read the current count outpaces past casualty counts, read “just three percent of adults own half of America’s guns.” Something automatic in measure, too automatic. I woke out of 9.25 hours of sleep I calculated automatically upon waking. I saw a crow out the window that was the occasion of a crow pecking frozen specks. I read the headlines leaking into headlines, saw the orchid sky calculating nothing. I have an inclination to stream and I don’t know what it means today. I have an inclination to lie in my husband’s shoulders crook and let the day snowdrift let the dimness become wide, so a shoulder is a kind of stream too. The argument is made that the streaming of time is a perception trick. The argument is made that we have moved past occasion to incremental measure that we are obsessed with measure and stricken. I have an inclination to obsessively stream, to arise and move not through incremental measures of occasion but through water. The early clocks were water clocks but it was shown that water was imprecise, was subject to pressure and pore—even streams of consciousness can encounter ducts and brim. I am conscious of my husband’s warmth because of more than his warmth. Do not mistake headlines for measure. We were held in God’s soft pocket. Do not mistake automatic grieving for water.
toll / automatic / occasion / track / count measures / measure counts / outpace / streaming time / from occasion to increment / obsess / to stream is to move through water not seconds or minutes or hours / water exceeds measure is imprecise is more than our grief
the imprecision of water clocks / “The history of timekeeping is the story of the search for ever more consistent actions or processes to regulate the rate of a clock.” / “Since the rate of flow of water is very difficult to control accurately, a clock based on that flow could never achieve excellent accuracy. People were naturally led to other approaches.”
precision / division / headline as occasion as increment as measured line between
a line to keep/to use: I have an inclination to obsessively stream, to arise and move not through incremental measures of occasion but through water.
Maybe this could be the title of a poem? Something about softness and imprecision and the inability to be contained in easily measurable ways. And how my vision loss has made for liquid looking (Alice Oswald), and a way to see the same or better than others in the water. Moving through water offers a different logic and makes the existing logic strange — distorted, weathered, unreliable, imprecise.
And now, instead of moving through water, I’m thinking of Bruce Lee’s short poem about being water:
Empty your mind. Be formless shapeless like water now you put water into a cup it becomes the cup you put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle you put it into a tea pot it becomes the tea pot now water can flow or it can craaaaasshh be water my friend
Be water versus be like water. Metaphor versus simile. Metaphor removes the encounter with the other; you become the other (see Anne Carson and the anthropology of water).
people always believe that metaphor is more poetic. But I’ve always loved simile. One of the reasons is that simile keeps both worlds alive at the same time whereas metaphor changes one for another. So you get this beautiful kind of doubled feeling with the simile.
Searching for something else, I just came across this excellent answer to the question, Do you carry a notebook?
AO: No, I don’t much. If I travel like now I do take a notebook. I find by the time I get back home I haven’t got the sort of liveliness. Mostly I try to take things into my head. I really believe in the sort of inarticulate ways of thinking. So the fact that you can read the whole day, all day long, and then when you’re composed it can come out again. I like that process of it not yet being in language, changing your mind round. And I’m more and more wary of the kind of willed and conscious act of writing. More and more I leave my mind to do it by itself. So I will, you know, go out and be kind of shocked by all the colours and pictures and smells and then purposefully not think of them linguistically. I think that the underneath mind will then do the work and that’s the mind I’m interested in. So the skill for me is then learning how to raid that underneath mind and then, when you do pick up a pen, you’re listening just hard enough so that you don’t use your surface mind. You get down to the mind that has taken everything in.
Instead of the underneath mind, the underwater mind, or the just beneath the surface mind? The water-logged mind?
swim: 3 loops (? cedar loops*) 75 minutes cedar lake open swim 85 degrees
*a strange course set-up: the first buoy was halfway out in the lake, the second was close to shore and to the right of hidden beach, so I’m not sure of the distance. Judging my time and effort, I’m guessing that I did 3 nokomis loops.
note: I didn’t have time to write this entry right after my swim, so I’m writing it the next morning.
Another wonderful night with hardly any wind. Beautiful light. Warm water, except for when I stopped swimming to tread water and extend my feet as far below as I could. Then it was cold. Crowded tonight: the last free night of the season. The water was fast, flat, opaque. My goggles were fogged for a lap or two until I licked the inside, then they were clear. I wasn’t sure if that would work, but it did.
My favorite image: on the second half of the loop, heading back to the beginning, breathing to my right and seeing a line of swimmers in the distance heading towards hidden beach. What did I actually see? the rare flash of an arm, a pink cap, churned up water.
After 3.5 loops, I stopped to take a quick break and check my time. Oops, the workout never started. I remember pressing start on my watch, but sometimes this happens. Oh well. Even without the data, I swam for 30 minutes before turning on my workout.
After finishing the swim, drying off in the grass, I encountered another swimmer who had a strange request. A fish bit my mole, could you check to make sure it’s not bleeding? The other day, a fish bit me and when I got home I had a scab.
The fish bite? What? I can’t remember if I’ve written about it this summer, but I haven’t noticed any fish. Not one sighting of a silver flash, definitely no encounters. The other swimmer continued, I’m just so slow out there and they’re attracted to my moles. Yikes!
She joked that she was going to ask her roommate to make fish for dinner so she could get some revenge. With each bite she’d say, I’m not food, YOU’RE food!
5 loops (9 cedar loops) 95 minutes cedar lake open swim 77 degrees
A fabulous evening: no wind, sun, calm water. I felt so strong and buoyant for much of the swim. High on the water, a steady kick, strong arms. The light around 7 was that great late summer evening light. The sun setting earlier than in July — a chance to see a different sort of sparkle on the surface. Point beach was shallower than usual. I was able to stand up farther out than I ever have before — or, was I just standing in a different spot? The floor of this beach is very uneven. Lots of prickly vines, single strands passing slowly over my legs, clusters or clumps or knots almost getting tangled with my kicking feet.
before the swim
Continuing to read and think about Endi Bogue Hartigan’s on orchid o’clock as I experiment with what it could mean to swim one day in august. In process note #27, Hartigan writes this about the process of working on the book:
I dove into reading about the history of horology, clock systems, and theories/philosophies of time and my mind wandered through these histories for years, clock history being an incredible palimpsest of histories: religious, industrial, scientific, astronomical, governmental, economic, natural, more. The history of clocks and time measure includes everything from the capitalist puppetry of measuring industrial time to drive efficiency, to the synchronization with atomic clocks from computers where real time headline bleed into our screens and consciousness, to medieval monks creating mechanisms to wake for morning prayers. Time itself as a concept has no one definition. And while clock measure is cultural it is also so personal, is used to keep us close to our beloved ones and moments. I wrote from this interlay, and the more I wrote the more I wrestled with how we inherit these interwoven histories and constraints, but also fight against them and can slip boundless out of them.
The mechanization and measurement of time. I’m thinking of the second verse of Oliver’s poem:
Something had pestered me so much I thought my heart would break. I mean, the mechanical part.
The mechanical part. The clock! That twelve-figured moon skull, that white spider belly! Regular. Ordering disorderly life. Ordinary (Oliver, Upstream). the hours on their rounds, twelve white collar workers who manage the schedules of water (A Oswald, Dart).
Precise. Neat little boxes. Nothing approximate about it, exact. The closest I can get to precision when measuring my encounter with lake water. The next closest is arm strokes, but only because I’m steady with my strokes and rarely stop or vary it. My Apple watch records this data. It even distinguishes breast stroke from freestyle. How?
Where does an Apple watch fit into the study of clocks? To my swimming one day in August?
Later in her process notes, Hartigan describes the three forms she uses in her book:
The forms I arrived at became a way of moving with different paces in time, moving in primarily three different forms/paces: hour entries which are prose-like and which move at a slower loosely-shadowed mental pace that allows for sentences; second entries which are like little insect legs notching forward with alliteration and gap-jumping nonlinear narratives; and a variety of lyrics that often use the slash as an entrance. They work together and of course the forms mix and disrupt their own boundaries too. The slash was important to my mental movement.
Very cool. I’m thinking about my own forms and how to express different modes of swimming in the lake. Inklings, which is the chapbook I’m working on, are short 5 syllable, 5 line, flash encounters with the lake. Brief glimpses, approximations, things witnessed in the midst of motion. Then I have some shortened sonnets — 5 syllable 14 line poems represent more sustained encounters. What other form to use, and what does it represent?
hour entry: “calendaring” is a verb/ Endi Bogue Hartigan
“Calendaring” is a verb. You can “clock yourself in.” These terms like rows of hothouse orchids living in some God-forsaken pre-purchase interval steam. New verbs for new measures, new signs of transaction as home, this moon hour spent “off the clock,” but tracked, this noon hour packed in screen-time and foam, this stem of the orchid holding itself up as an orchid. you can even check off “orchid,” you can list for Tuesday, “unnatural hothouse mixture of purple and green.”
clock yourself in / measuring data / transactor or transacted or transaction? / tracked / tricked / off the clock / on the clock / in the clock
calendar / 7 days / every day / any day / a certain day / day after day / all day / once a day / 30 days has september
orchids in rows / hothouse / swimmers doing loops / a dredged-out lake / unnatural green / fertilizer run-off / blue-green algae o-clock / an exchange — a perfect lawn for an unswimmable lake
during the swim
Thought about days and remembered my “On This Day” practice. I should use that in my thinking and writing about one day in August. Also thought about another way, in addition to minutes, strokes, and distance, that I use to measure duration: active calories. Finally, as I counted my strokes between breaths — 1 2 3 4 5 breathe right 1 2 3 4 5 breathe left — I thought about counting as a comforting practice and about counting and accumulation (minutes/hours accrued) versus counting as a repeating of numbers with no accumulation (1 2 3 4 5 breathe). Of course, there is accumulation with these strokes and I keep track of it on my watch: total number of strokes. But, the act of counting in the water over and over is different.
4 loops (8 cedar loops) 95 minutes cedar lake open swim 69 degrees
Would it rain? Would they cancel the swim? It seemed uncertain when I woke up to gloom, but the storm stayed south and the water was great. Smooth, mostly calm, not too crowded, easy to see. The first 3 and a half loops felt so easy and fast. I stopped at hidden beach for a quick break and a chance to see the lake from above the water for more than a brief flash every 5 strokes. The beach was quiet, empty. I could hear wind in the trees, then some bugs. I think I saw a few people getting ready to do open swim. They were up in the grass putting on wetsuits. Started swimming again and did another 3 loops before taking a minute or two break at hidden beach again. swam 1.5 more loops before deciding I was done — my legs decided for us. Nearing the first buoy, my legs felt like they were about to cramp, so I stopped kicking and dragged myself in for the last 50 feet or so.
strange vision
Several times, something strange happened with my color vision. Looking up quickly to sight, I noticed the lifeguard’s kayak. Instead of red in looked white and (almost) robin’s egg blue. Later, getting closer to more than one swimmer, their swim cap was white and the same blue instead of bright pink. Both with the kayak and the caps, when I got closer they returned to normal — red and pink.
10+ Things
white sky — sometimes I could see the sun through the clouds, but it never emerged
a swirl of vines, passing over my head, shoulders, torso, lingering near my ankles
the swimming area at hidden beach was wide and long and almost empty — at least one other open swimmer was standing in the shallow water
for the first 4 loops, the water was all smooth, during loop 5 it was much choppier heading to hidden beach
a bird in the air — was it big or small? I couldn’t quite tell. I’m thinking small
opaque water
a scratchy vine, pricking my arm
noticing the surface above the water from my vantage point: submerged, only my eyes out of the water, like an alligator
stopping at the little beach: a dog barking, a collar clanging
making note of the procession of swimmers on the other side of the course, heading to hidden beach when I was heading from it — a slow and steady line of swimmer
after the swim, walking past a big puddle on the dirt/gravel road, its surface had scales on it from the wind
I never got completely lost in the swim, although I had moments where I wasn’t thinking about my stroke or breathing or sighting.
Thinking about time, last night I started reading Endi Bogue Hartigan’s on orchid o’clock. Here’s the opening poem, which I think will be a great inspiration for me in playing around with “one day in august.”
I’m talking about the rotation/ Endi Bogue Hartigan
—The predictable commencement of annual flooding of the Nile River is said to have formed the foundation of the ancient Egyptian calendar. Calculations were made using nilometers, vertical water-measurement devices, influencing taxation, crop planning, and more.
I’m talking about the black cows in the pasture along the highway between here and the office: some days the black cows’ snouts are pointed in the same direction in the morning and the opposite direction in the evening, all 200-300 or so, parallel dipping their snouts: some days they are helter-skelter; some days the shadows are crisp some days the shadows are swallowed but they have shadows on all days; and the wet eyes of the cows have an angle with which they lean into the wet grass, so they are a kind of dials to themselves and their light, visible to themselves or not. I might be comforted driving by saying cow shadow o’clock, saying east black cow o’clock, I might be comforted by talking about their rotation.
/it is child eyelash o’clock /it is having to look o’clock it is Nile flood o’clock /it is percolate o’clock
/it is morning birds plus socket sound of car closing / 21st century pastoral o’clock it is flashflood fear o’clock /it is TV van at the shooting site rim
/it is miscount of the dead o’clock /it is remember to call remember to call find a corner to make a call o’clock
/it is the blue jay screech o’clock /it is having to look o’clock /it is innocent eyelash o’clock /it is the clock continuing despite
o’clock /people emptying from their eyes /it is yesterday’s rose-dew o’clock
/it is tearing the work blouse off its hanger o’clock/ it is tearing and not /it is that blouse again that headline again it is
everything I forgot creeping up in tides /it is people split and swelled
confiding overflow o’clock /it is the shadow of a gun / the shadow of the cow o’clock /it is what is allowed in the shadow
/it is the president’s turned up o’clock it is America’s deadliness and dailiness o’clock /it is glued to the headline o’clock
it is lunchhour-beeline o’clock /it is it’s only Tuesday o’clock another curbside memorial o’clock another caterpillar miracle o’clock another
people emptying from their lives o’clock or into their lives o’clock the Nile floods every hotspell in this week
/it is child-wake, it is flood of what’s at stake o’clock, /it is the morning rupture the American rupture that
shadow-bleeds and swells /it is the felling of the shadow o’clock /I’m talking about the black cows.
3.1 miles trestle turn around 75 degrees humidity: 89% / dew point: 71
Ran in-between raindrops. It started raining yesterday afternoon and kept going, off and on, all morning. Then, right before my run, the sun came out. Now that I’m done, it’s dark again. More rain coming.
Everything wet. Slick, too. Mud, puddles, crushed acorns: dangerous. I slipped once but barely. So thick out there! No rowers or roller skiers or regulars. Some bikers, walkers, other runners. Stopped at the sliding bench — the only view was dark green. Then stopped north of the trestle to check out how the crack was doing. The trail is still blocked off with tape and orange cones, the crack has grass where there used to be dirt and is opening up again.
the persistent crack / 16 aug 2025
Listened to my “Doin’ Time” playlist on shuffle and was inspired when “Once in a Lifetime” came on, especially this refrain about water
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again, after the money’s gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground.
Except, as I was running, I heard the line not as after the money’s gone but after the BODY’S gone, which really fit in with my thinking about time, water, and selfhood and started a train of thought about the I above ground returning to the not-I underground/underwater — or the not-water self above returning to the water self below.
The body’s gone also fit with a reoccurring theme in the playlist: the limits of time and death. “Out of Time” and “Closing Time.” Instead of reading death/body gone as running out of time or no longer having any time, I thought about it as something other than a possession — time flows through us and we flow through time. We don’t spend it or own it, we live in it and with it and through it.
It is time now, I said
In my “On This Day” practice this morning, I encountered a series of lines and ideas about time from 16 aug 2021. I stopped at this entry, not reading any more of the aug 16 entries, and decided that today would be about time. Later I realized how fitting it was to study time in the midst of my attempt at living within Mary Oliver’s poem, “Swimming, One Day in August.” It is time now, I said/ for the deepening and quieting of the spirit/ among the flux of happenings. It is time.
During a swim, I lose track of time, have no idea what time it is, as I swim continuously around the buoys. If time is measured at all, it is in loops. And often, I lose track of those too. Was that 3 loops or 4? I can’t recall.
Maybe time is measured in location? Near one shore or the other, one buoy or the next? Here then there then here again
If there’s something gimmicky about trying to swim the equivalent of one day in August, it’s also a great goal for me: not impossible, but requiring some commitment and swimming more than I would otherwise swim. And it’s concrete and straightforward: be in the water, moving, for a total of 24 hours. And it’s satisfying, watching the minutes increase.
And it does something strange to time and it’s passing. Technically I understand a day to be 24 hours, but I don’t usually think about (or count) some of those hours — like the ones in which I’m sleeping, or the ones in which I’m lost in writing or in reading a book. I don’t think I can quite articulate it right now, but accumulating these minutes is a different type of living in time.
It’s a delightful waste of time. No great accomplishment, just a fun experiment. Of course, it’s only a waste in terms of productive time. I am not achieving anything big here that you might put on a resume. It’s not making money, and it’s not creating a product. It is, I think, making me faster and stronger, but not in the most efficient ways.
An idea: what about a chapbook titled, Swimming One Day in August, that plays around with different understandings of a day and its relation to time? I could write about this goal, where 1 day = 24 hours. But I could also write about a day = a random day of swimming in august or a collage of days swimming in august from just 2025, or from all of the days I’ve written about since 2017?
For Mary Oliver, a day is the day before in which the narrator went in the afternoon/to the sea/which held me until I grew easy. It is also today, now — It is time now, I said. And it is tomorrow (and the tomorrow after that?) — About tomorrow, who knows anything./ Except it will be time again/for the deepening and quieting of the spirit. Here day is a daily habit. (Another approach to this challenge could be: swimming every day in august. This might be difficult, since I don’t have reliable access to water to swim in.)
I like how Oliver sets up time in this poem. She’s talking about yesterday, today, and tomorrow but without beginning or end. When did this habit start? Was it yesterday, when she was pestered, or was it some other yesterday before that? And when will it end? It is also not linear, involving progress. With its repeated habit, it’s circular, a loop, going to the same place day after day: the sea to be held. Is it the same time every afternoon, or just, vaguely, “afternoon.” And, what counts as afternoon, how late does it go? To me, afternoon is before 5, but to Scott it’s before 6.
4 loops (8 cedar loops) 100 minutes cedar lake open swim 77 degrees
A great swim. I think I’ve only ever swum at cedar lake in the morning one other time, in august of 2019 when lake nokomis was closed for the rest of the season because a few kids pooped near the big beach and the e-coli was crazy high. I liked it, although it took some adjusting. In the late afternoon, the sun is always in my eyes on the back half of the loop. This time, in the morning, it was in my eyes during the front half. The first loop felt great, the second a little harder as I worked on my stroke and breathing properly, but by the third loop I had locked into a steady rhythm. I wasn’t paying attention to my stroke or breath, I was just moving through the water.
10 Things
an orange glow on the water just below the orange buoy
orange at the edge of my vision as I swam
something big and white through the trees and on the shore. When I was swimming, it just looked white, but when I stopped to study it, I realized it was a house
a vine landed on my shoulder and I was able to whip it off with my hand mid-stroke
a small bird flying fast above me
someone with a bright pink safety buoy, swimming wide around the course
the surface of the water: blue with soft ripples
only a few clouds
lifeguard as landmark: on the edge of the course
lifeguard as obstacle: too close to the orange buoy
In the later loops, I started reciting the Alice Oswald lines I’d memorized last month. Struggled a little, but managed to remember most of them. Even as I struggled with the lines, the act of reciting them distracted me — or, did it focus me? — and I entered the flow –everything water and motion. In my head, as I stroked 1 2 3 4 5 breathe left 1 2 3 a slight head lift to sight 4 5 breathe right, I linked this flow state with some sentences from Anne Carson’s “1=1”:
And then the (she searches for the right word) instruction of balancing along in the water, the ten thousand adjustments of vivid action, the staining together of mind and time so that she is no longer miles and miles apart from her life, watching it differently unfold, but in it, as it, it. Not at all like meditation—an analogy often thoughtlessly adduced—but, rather, almost forensic, as an application of attention, while at the same time, to some degree, autonomic.
Oh yes, for much of that 100 minute swim, I was in it, in the water, in my life, in motion, where motion = the ten thousand adjustments of vivid action.
Speaking of motion, I found this from Susan Tichy this afternoon:
All I wanted for the poem was openness, a merging of muscle-memory with the skittering of words down the page, to know as a process of motion.
Does muscle-memory = those ten thousand adjustments? In the early loops, my adjustments — of my head for better breathing, elbows for better power, hips for more buoyancy — were conscious and took me out of myself, but in the later loops, I didn’t think about how I was stroking or breathing and sighting, I just did it.
In her mention of skittering of words down the page, Tichy is talking about her efforts to write about mountains. How to describe it in terms of today’s lake water? Bobbing on the page? Gliding across the page, directed by currents, re-routed by waves or lifeguards or other swimmers?
Another hard run. Hot! Lots of sweating and stopping to take walk breaks. Ran to the bottom of locks and dam #1 for a great view of the river. I can’t remember its color — blue, I think — but I remember the small waves on it and the faint wake from a long gone boat. Oh, and the single white buoy and the roar of rushing water one way and the ford bridge the other.
At the bottom of the locks and dam, I noticed some bright orange leaves:
fall is coming / 14 aug 2025
Not the greatest picture, but I’ll post it anyway. So orange! Too soon!
Saw someone emerge from the trail that dips below the road to cross the path and wondered if they had just come up from the new trail that descends deeper into the gorge. Encountered 2, maybe 3, roller skiers, walkers, runners, a few bikers. Below the road I stopped to walk and listen to the acorns falling from the tree and thumping on the ground. Then started running again over acorn shells.
I thought about my Swimming, One Day in August project and had an idea: what if I tried swimming in bde maka ska and lake harriet? Or, some other lakes nearby? Or, one of the clearest lakes in the state, Square Lake, in Stillwater?
a few hours later: Hooray! Just received an email that all future open swims will be at Cedar! So as long as Scott can drive me over there, I don’t have to miss a single one.
a ramble on lake water testing
A revelation just last week. Minneapolis Parks tests the lake water weekly, and testing the water is better than not testing the water. But the slow and rigid system of testing only on Mondays and getting results on Tuesdays (e-coli) and Wednesdays (algae blooms) combined with the fickle changes in quality based on weather and other environmental factors, means the testing is not very accurate for what the conditions are at any given time. On an abstract level, it seems obvious to me that you can’t rely on tests to guarantee safe water, but on an experiential level — that is, being in the water swimming for over an hour at a time roughly 6 times a week for 11 summers — I needed an unquestioned faith in those tests and the park’s ability to let me know when it was/wasn’t safe to swim in order to get in the water.
And, mostly it is safe in the water. And it is clean. I get very irritated when someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about says to me, eww, how can you swim in that dirty water!? Minneapolis Park workers and volunteers do an amazing job of keeping the water quality high. And this is partly due to their regular testing. But, these tests can’t guarantee anything.
What am I trying to do here? I’m not blaming the parks department; these tests are expensive and it would be difficult to test regularly enough to keep up with the quick shifts in wind and rain and the groundwater problems (like unstable sewer systems) that have existed from the beginning of the lake’s modern shape in the 1920s when workers excavated peat and used it to build up the surrounding neighborhood. Not to mention climate change and erratic weather and an excess of nutrients getting into the water from lawn fertilizers. And people feeding ducks who poop in the water which increases the amount of e-coli. No, I think Minneapolis Parks, especially Minneapolis Aquatics, are amazing.
All of this is complicated and messy with no easy answers. And it’s scary. I’ve been wondering for a few years when it’s going to happen — because it seems inevitable that it will happen — that lakes will no longer be safe to swim in, unfiltered outside air will no longer be safe to breathe. And this is how it happens, I think. Not all of sudden, but slowly. More days with bad test results and beach closures. Or inaccurate test results and water that is pea-soup green and slimy and that might get you sick.
I suppose this last paragraph sounds depressing, and it is, and also it isn’t. I love swimming in lake nokomis, and I would do a tremendous amount to keep swimming in it. Maybe it’s time to figure out what I can do to help keep it safe.
bike: 8.6 miles lake nokomis and back 68 degrees / 73 degrees
Ahhh! What a morning! A relaxed ride. Again, no worries about what I could and couldn’t see. On the way there, I thought about metaphors (inspired by the lines below). An idea, which is not new, but is good to remind myself of: in poetry, it’s not all about meaning with words, but the movement and shifting they create. Thoughts, experiences, ideas flow freely until they bump into words. Words direct the movement (from encounter to revelation or understanding).
The most memorable thing on the bike back. Climbing the hill near the rec center and where bikes cross the parkway, I heard — HEY ASSHOLE WATCH OUT! — a car and a biker stopped in the road, the biker yelling at the driver for not stopping, the driver apologizing. Then — you’re a Minnesota driver, that’s what YOU are! I didn’t really see what happened, but I know it’s hard to see all the bikers when you’re driving. I also know that drivers don’t always look. The driver’s apology seemed sincere; the biker’s yelling was very loud and aggressive. And what’s up with insulting Minnesotans?
earlier today
Heard from an open window, a woman talking to someone, presumably a young kid: it‘s actually a t — saTurday
Returning to some lines from a poem I posted a few days ago, Difference/ Mark Doty:
nothing but something forming itself into figures then refiguring,
sheer ectoplasm recognizable only as the stuff of metaphor.
swim: 2 loops (8 mini loops) 50 minutes lake nokomis main beach 73 degrees
Wow wow wow! What a swim. This might be one of the top swims of the summer, and the one that fits best with Mary Oliver’s words in Swimming, One Day in August:
it is time now, I said, for the deepening and quieting of the spirit among the flux of happenings.
…
I went down in the afternoon to the sea which held me, until I grew easy.
I think I swam 8 loops. I stopped a lot to tread water and listen to the silence. So quiet! I was all alone, but not. So relaxing. I felt completely at ease, which is not a feeling I have that often. No wind, no waves, the surface flat and still except for the bubbles I was creating that popped on the surface. A few seagulls perched on the white buoys — hello friends! A few clouds in the blue sky. My fingers frequently got caught on milfoil reaching up from the bottom, but it was almost like we were high-fiving or greeting each other — nothing menacing about the vines today. There were 2 metal detector dudes chatting and detecting. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, so no idea about what they found. Neither of them yelled out excitedly, I got it!
10 Things
seagulls — in the sky, on the buoy
water like velvet
a thin skin of something on the surface in the swimming area
the contrast between the sloshing as I swam freestyle and the silence as I tread water and bobbed
the only thing I could see under water were bubbles
the surface: almost a mirror, flat, blue
the roar of one plane overhead
workers fixing the picnic tables — they pulled off the tops and the seats earlier in the week — having fun and listening to country music
standing in the swimming area, facing the sun, closing my eyes and still seeing the reflection of the light on the surface
thinking it was almost too silent — why was there no noise? — then hearing the pounding of a hammer from the workers near Painted Turtle
NOOOOOOOOO!! Got an email this afternoon that both beaches at Lake Nokois are closed immediately due to blue-green algae. They test the water every Monday and, as I just learned, the results for e-coli come in on Tuesday, but blue-green algae comes in on Wednesday. It might clear up before next week, but they won’t test again until Monday, and won’t have the results until Wednesday. So the earliest they can open up the lake is next Wednesday. I’ll miss 4 open swims. Then Thursday will be the last open swim of the season. Such a bummer, but at least I got my magical morning, and I didn’t encounter any algae. I saw it on Monday, but I think it’s already cleared up.
swim: 3 loops (6 mini loops) 65 minutes cedar lake open swim 79 degrees
Other than the abundance of scratchy, clingy vines, the water was perfect. Calm, smooth, not too cold (or too warm). So relaxing! The water was a little greener than usual, but no algae blooms. Hopefully it will stay that way. There were a few pockets of very cold water near the far buoy. The sun was making the water sparkle. I stopped a few times to enjoy the silence out in the middle of the lake. Encountered a kayak and a paddle boarder who seemed extra tall standing straight up and above me. A strange sight — a giant walking on water.
Only 2 more cedar lake swims this season and no swimming at all until next Monday. Boo.
Hot! As usual, I should have gone out before 9:30, but I slept in. When I was in the shade, it wasn’t too bad. Wore my bright yellow shoes. They were fun for the first 3 minutes — very bouncy — but I started to feel both of my calves cramping up. I stopped to avoid anything worse and walked for a few minutes before starting up again. Is it the shoes? Possibly. My calves have been fine and then I started wearing these shoes again and now my calves are cramping occasionally. Last week, I woke up early in the morning to a charley horse just starting to happen. Was able to stop it before it turned into a knot. Whew.
Even though it was hot, I’m glad I got out by the gorge. Beautiful. Fall is coming. Leaves drifting down in the soft wind. Half-crushed acorns all over the sidewalk. A deep green everywhere. The winchell trail was cooler in the shade. Tricking water near the ravines (3 — 44th, 42nd, and 36th). Decided for the first time in a long time to take the dirt path past the 38th street steps and visit the oak savanna. It was dark and overgrown. Branches reaching across the trail, the dirt path that leads to the ravine narrowing to almost nothing.
10 Things
at least 2 or 3 benches occupied, including the one near folwell
a runner accompanied by a biker discussing how much mileage someone else was doing — marathon training?
the river: sparkling, blue, empty
a bird — cheeseburger cheeseburger
another bird: me me me
the fallen tree on winchell: still there, still blocking 2/3 of the path, still holding browned leaves
squeak squeak a swing across the road at minnehaha academy
movement — a bird? a squirrel? the wind moving a single leaf
loud noises in the bushes — a bird? a squirrel?
the worn wooden steps leading to the ravine — still cracked on a few boards — noticed that the steps are rectangular boards placed on the slope with a handrail, and some sort of wedge at the top
swim: 6 loops 90 minutes lake nokomis open swim 78 degrees
Wonderful! The water was a little rough, but nothing too bad. No waves crashing into me. The course the lifeguards set up with how they positioned the buoys was off today. It didn’t fit with any of my strategies for sighting. The lifeguards were too close to the buoys heading out to the little beach, and the fourth buoy was much farther south than it usually is. The final buoy was too close to the orange buoy and too far from the beach. No triangle today. Not sure what shape it was. I’m almost positive I swam 6 loops, but the distance was so much shorter that it seemed more like 5. I’ll still count it as 6.
Lots of vines. Setting sun. Bubbles. Menacing swans and sailboats. Strange flashes underwater. Seeing orange. A roaring plane. Thin shafts of light. Not as many sparkle friends.
bike: 8.6 miles lake nokomis and back 69 degrees (there) / 72 (back)
I’m getting serious about my 24 hours of swimming in a month this week. Decided to bike over the lake for a short morning swim. The bike ride was great. I only had to pass one person! I didn’t have any moments of panic when everything seemed a little fuzzy. As usual, the bike ride back was easier and seemed to go by much faster. Biking down the hill between Lake Nokomis and Lake Hiawatha, I noticed another redone path leading down to the dock. Someday I’ll run over here and check it out.
5 Bike Things
a group of kids congregating at the bike safety course that used to be a tennis court
creek water rushing by near the spot where kids like to swim
some sort of rock music that I couldn’t identify coming from a bike
the marsh area near my favorite part of the creek path didn’t have any water, just mud
passing my the wooden bridge at lake nokomis — an intensely sour rotten fishy smell — yuck!
swim: 6 mini loops / 1.5 lake nokomis loops 35 minutes main beach lake nokomis 70 degrees
A wonderful morning for a swim. Calm, empty water. There were a few kayaks and swan boats, but otherwise, I was the only human in the water, at least near the bench. Plenty of vines and fish below me, ducks nearby, planes and seagulls above. I’m swimming again tonight, so I didn’t want to do too much this morning.
5 Swim Things
a plane flying directly overhead, looking like a shark
swooping seagulls
a kayak crossing in front of me
ghost vines reaching up
thin strips of light extending below, diagonally
I recited Mary Oliver’s “Swimming, One Day in August” and felt the deepening and quieting of my body. Had to give myself a little pep talk during loop 2 — no, there are NOT any giant turtles or things with sharp teeth lurking below, waiting to dart up and drag me down. I rarely have these fears, and they don’t make me panic, but occasionally when I’m swimming alone, off of the main beach, a what-if thought creeps in. What if there is something down there waiting for me?
The lake was great. After I finished, I stood in the swimming area and took it all in. At the edge of the shore, I noticed the water was a bright green — uh-oh, hope there aren’t algae blooms!
swim: 3.5 loops 70 minutes cedar lake open swim 79 degrees
Double swims today. The water at cedar was choppy. Mostly, I loved it. The only parts I didn’t like: having to breathe on only one side more often and the stretch where the water seemed to be pulling me down. It was harder to stroke. Otherwise, it was great. Oh — except for all of the vines. Lots of full body scans today, with a vine traveling down my body as I swam over it.
5 Cedar Things
a young kid hiding in the buoy near point beach
a lifeguard in a kayak near hidden beach, close to the far buoy — part red blur, part dark silhouette
the idea of orange in the distance as I tried to sight — only a tiny orange dot
cloudless sky
2 girls laughing and swimming at the beach
added the next morning: Just remembered something I really didn’t want to forget about last night’s swim. Standing in the shallow water, preparing to start my swim, I overheard parents with their 2 young boys — 5 or 6 or 7? They were trying to get them back into their kayaks.
mom: we talked about this. we can’t take the kayaks unless you paddle all the way back. get in the kayak.
kid 1: I’ll get in the kayak if you buy me a nintendo. kid 2: yeah, a nintendo.
Damn. . . .I didn’t stick around to see what happened, but I’m betting the mom wasn’t falling for this shit.
2.1 miles to falls coffee 75 degrees / humidity: 91% dew point: 70
Maybe because it was overcast, it didn’t feel as bad as the numbers would suggest. Still sweat a lot, but didn’t feel miserable. Ran with Scott to Falls Coffee. Ran on edmund, parallel to the YWCA tri racers biking on the river road. I remember doing this race — three times, in 2013, 2014, and 2015. I can’t remember why I didn’t sign up for it in 2016 — maybe because my favorite part, the swim, was too short and the bike was too long. In 2017, I was signed up, with RJP, to do a mother-daughter super sprint, but then I got injured. After that, I didn’t do it because my vision was too bad to go that fast and be that close to other bikers (and, because I never really liked the biking part). I love watching professional triathlons — Ironmans, T100s, WTCS Olympic distance races, and Super-tris, but I don’t like racing them.
Scott and I didn’t talk much as we ran; I think we were both too warm. Heard cicadas and birds and people calling out, good job! you got this!, way to go ladies!, to the racers. A steady stream of bikers on the road, some heading out, others returning.
We got coffee at Falls Coffee then walked back through the neighborhood, including through the playground at FWA and RJP’s elementary school. My favorite thing: little birds — sparrows? — lifting off from the pavement, like little bubbles bursting up in the air. Another thing: hearing cicadas buzzing and birds chirping at the same time — not a duet, I said to Scott, but two songs being sung at the same time that almost, but not quite, fit together.
3.25 miles trestle turn around 75 degrees thunder – drizzle – rain
Dark out there this morning. My weather app and the radar said 0% chance of rain. Ha! I didn’t hear any thunder until I had already turned around and was heading back. I didn’t feel the rain until I was running a treeless stretch of the trail. Greeted Mr. Morning! Heard water rushing in the ravine. Smelled onions as a group of male runners — a big pack of cross country runners? — ran by. Forgot to look down at the river but did remember to glance at the sliding bench. Noticed that the crack in the path north of the trestle is still blocked off and still cracked — are they waiting until fall to fix it? Will they fix it? Saw dogs and runners and walkers and 4 bikes going by much faster than the 10 mph speed limit and 2 guys talking at the edge of the path that I think were rowers who just finished a session on the river.
What did I think about? I can’t remember. I wasn’t working through any ideas for a poem or the chapbook I’m putting together. I wasn’t thinking about anything I read this morning or worried about the news. Can I remember even one thought I had? Oh, here’s one: when it thundered, a flash of concern — do I need to find shelter? can I make it home before the storm begins? (I did.)
This morning before my run, I found out that 4 of my poems, including my purple hour poem, that were accepted at the beginning of the summer went live today on Trampoline Poetry! Very exciting! I also learned a few days ago that another one of my mood rings — Incurable — will be published later this month. Nice.
Another great swim, even if my goggles kept leaking. I had to stop several times to fix them. The water was not too rough but wasn’t still either. It offered a gentle rocking. My sparkle friends were abundant today and coming at me, like swimming through stars or light like it looks in a time lapse video. Mostly it was cloudy, but sometimes the sun came out and the surface of the water sparkled. From a bird’s view above, I imagine they were able to watch it turn from pewter to silver to pewter again.
The buoys near the main beach were in close, which I like. It means the course is longer. Was it? I’ll compare these different days, all swimming 4 loops:
8 aug: 2010 strokes / 1.78 miles 22 july: 2347 / 2.29 miles 17 july: 2660 / 2.64 miles 11 july: 2020 / 1.89 miles
Okay. I was wrong. Today’s four loops was the shortest 4 loops out of this sample of 4 4 loop swims.
10 Things
a sloshing sound of water — was it my arms piercing the water that made this sound, or my head turning to breathe or my torso being rocked by the water?
a plane
opaque water
bubbles around my hands
my feet feeling like rudders
the sky, white and thick with clouds
later the sky, split open, the sun peeking through
sparkles on the water
the far off dot of the green buoy not looking green but white
the area around the white buoys thick with milfoil
Took a screen shot of my path today. The off-course lines are when I went to the swimming area at the big beach to fix my googles.
4 loops at lake nokomis / 8 aug 2025
A scalene triangle, almost an isosceles.
Today I’m working on adding to my inklings (inkling poems / 5 line, 5 syllable small poems that spread rumors, drop hints, whisper, are approximate/vague/rough in their descriptions). Today’s inklings are about sketching different points on the course. One of the inklings, which serves as an intro to the larger goal of describing my course is title, “Plotting the course.” As I swam, I realized that this has a double meaning. Plotting as in identifying/marking points on the course and plotting as in create a story/plot for my experience swimming around the course. With that in mind, I’d like to write more about the story/stories I want to tell. Of course, plotting also means secret planning to do something/hatching a scheme. Will that meaning factor in too?
5 loops 90 minutes lake nokomis open swim 86 degrees
Yes! A wonderful swim, and another hour and a half to add to my goal of reaching 34 hours by the end of the month. The water was choppy, which I liked, except for when it made it hard to get a stroke in and I felt like I was sinking. The water was thick and filled with my sparkle friends. Several times it felt like the buoy kept getting farther and farther away, until I broke the spell and suddenly had reached it. I saw some menacing sailboats and 1 or 2 paddle boarders. The light during the last loop was very cool — why? I guess because it was giving very chill twilight vibes. Noticed a few planes flying low and lots of seagulls and ducks. A few flashes down below — fish?
I felt strong and can tell that I’m getting stronger as I do more longer swims. A thought — could I possibly manage 7 loops in 2 hours? That would be amazing!
A few lines from two poems discovered this morning:
There is the clarity of a shore And shadow, mostly, brilliance
The clarity of a shore and shadow. Not sure about the shore, but I like the idea of shadows bringing clarity. They do for me.
2
I am pointless. This I come to know by pressing ear to night’s machinery. Outside, the words rub each other until they are dull: calibrate, resurface, surface, invest, investigate, snowy, open, environ, woman, wooden, system. I look where little nodes of language cling, lichen-like, to what will have them. (from “Rose-crowned Night Girl”/ Emily Skillings
I read this line about being pointless and it helped me to think about pointless meaning more than useful or not worthwhile. To be pointless is to not have points, to be smooth instead of rough, nothing sharp about you. My vision is point-less but not pointless. Everything softens with my fuzzy gaze.
added after the swim: During loop 4 or 5, I started thinking about pointless again as a way to indicate a dot — it’s a star without points. Earlier today I was working on a poem that describes a dot as a distant star. After thinking about pointless I thought about how the star/point, which was the far-off buoy, wasn’t always there — it flickered.
added 8 aug 2025: Just remembered a few more things. After the swim, I met Scott at Painted Turtle for a beer. We watched the ducks in the water, bobbing and floating and almost getting into fights with seagulls. We also watched the final swimmer being escorted into shore by 3 lifeguards. I told Scott that being the last swimmer, that is, staying until the very end of open swim, is a goal every year. I think I’ve done it once. Then we watched the green buoys heading in for the night, looking so much smaller than they do in the water when you’re right next to them.
Humid. It rained last night — everything is wet — but there must been wind, too, because small branches and leaves were scattered over parts of the path. No big trees.
10 Sounds
Bird
the coxswains speaking through their bullhorns
a faint radio with someone singing, some vibrato
the steady trickle out of the sewer pipe near 42nd
good morning, excuse me / morning! no, excuse me (passing a walker)
morning! a greeting from Mr. Morning!
good morning / good morning (greeted by an older runner)
the whirr of a motor on an e-bike zooming by
another runner’s music coming from her phone as she ran by — some poppy upbeat song that I can’t remember
who run the world? girls! Beyoncé from my headphones and my mood: Energy playlist
Listened to the poem I wrote yesterday before I headed out for my run. This is my tentative ending:
tethers us to each other — swimmer and vision, buoy and body, to sight and to rarely see
swim: 3 loops (6 cedar loops) 60 minutes cedar lake open swim 81 degrees
Choppy today. Sometimes hard to stay high on the water. Lots of vines. Saw some planes and birds above, no fish below. The surface looked silvery. Sometimes the sun was out, sometimes it was behind a cloud. Once a big, hulking cloud, looking like something other than a cloud from my perspective half-submerged in the water — a monster, like godzilla?
Forgot to recite Mary Oliver or think about the deepening and quieting of the spirit, but I felt it. Relaxed, happy, strong. Swimming for an hour wasn’t difficult.
Found this description of how we are both part of and separate from water saved on my reading list:
Nature—the non-built environment, creatures—is a realm of supreme “otherness” with which we are already always in strange relation. We plead for communion with this nature; it cannot answer us; so we project that onto it, that feeling of harmony and oneness at a shore or a vista. We are both a part of that natural sphere and stand distinctly apart within it, in our creaturely and industrial/technological dominance over it. You are both part of that sphere, and stand painfully apart, with your consciousness, language, cumbersome car and computer.
Now I’m thinking about Anne Carson and her definition of anthropology (as in, “Anthropology of Water”). I wrote about it on 13 july:
encounter with that which you cannot contain, control, that is not You — the not-I.
added on 8 aug 2025: I forgot to mention a delightful thing that happened on the way over to cedar lake: a vee of geese — 20? — flying low over Bde Maka Ska then just above us — and, lucky me, I had the moon roof open to watch! — then heading towards Lake Harriet.
a few hours before my swim: just got word, finally, that lake nokomis is reopening after a week of being closed. not because the e-coli was that bad all week, but because they only test it once a week.
5 loops 100 minutes lake nokomis open swim 80 degrees
A wonderful night for a swim! The water was choppy, but gentle, and never forcing me to alter the side I breathed on. 1 2 3 4 5 right 1 2 3 4 5 left. Before the swim began, I encountered an older man and we talked about how much we love open swim. We agreed: it’s our favorite thing to do. As I started my swim, I thought about this wonderful exchange and this swimmer who loved what he was doing and I was happy.
10 Things
a plane parallel to the water, flying low but not too low
a dragonfly just above the surface
a distant swan boat
my sparkle friends were moving fast and into me as I swam
thick, murky water
seagulls
ducks — quack quack
the long, low light heading back to the big beach
the alert on my watch beep beep beeping underwater at the end of a loop — was it a reminder about the amber alert we got earlier today — did other people hear it under water?
more ghostly vines, one wrapping around my foot
I recited Mary Oliver’s, “Swimming, One Day in August” and felt the deepening and quieting of my spirit. Peaceful, calm, relaxed, in my element.
This entire poem is fire, but for the sake of space I’ll just the pertinent section in today’s entry:
from Swimming Chenango Lake/ Charles Tomlinson
There is a geometry of water, for this Squares off the clouds’ redundancies And sets them floating in a nether atmosphere All angles and elongations: every tree Appears a cypress as it stretches there And every bush that shows the season, A shaft of fire. It is a geometry and not A fantasia of distorting forms, but each Liquid variation answerable to the theme It makes away from, plays before: It is a consistency, the grain of the pulsating flow.
geometry: the shape and relative arrangement of the parts of something / relationship of points, lines, surfaces, angles
geometry and not distorting form — angles and points and lines off due to water and unreliable vision
Thinking about geometries of water and Anne Carson’s anthropology of water and the relationship of points, lines, surfaces, angles. Suddenly remembered a reference to geometry that I’d like to experiment with:
“Closed because geometric mean of E. coli exceeds 126 MPN/100 mL“
It’s the message on the parks lake water quality map, explaining why the beach is closed. Will it reopen in time for tonight’s open swim? I hope so!
Geometric mean, what’s that? While Minneapolis Parks doesn’t explain, I found another site with some helpful information: E-coli Open Water Data
tests take 24 hours to process, that’s why I’m still waiting for the results to show up now, even though they tested yesterday (could this 24 hours be another example of swimming, one day in august?)
MPN = most probable number
this site is out of Toronto so it gives the acceptable rates for Canada. In Canada, it’s under 200 MPN, which is higher than here in Minneapolis: 126
I asked FWA — my science guy — what the geometric in geometric mean means and he explained it this way: they make an imaginary grid for the lake and then take samples from different sections of the grid, then they average those samples to get the MPN/ML number. So geometric = grid
The grid makes me think of my vision and the visual field test and the amsler grid and imagining the lake as a grid with different sections of it muted or extinguished or replaced with other sections of the grid that I can actually see.
And now I’m thinking about the geometric ways in which I approach swimming in the lake:
angles
trajectories
following a line, working to understand that relationship between points and surfaces (swimmers’ hands piercing the water and plotting my course with glitter)
lines and angles (wider angles to achieve distance from other swimmers, to find the buoy without seeing it)
lines and surfaces (try to follow a line that cuts across a wave/swelled surface instead of directly into it)
the line of the rope tethered to the buoy and a weight, anchoring the buoy
the angle of that rope line
how the angle of the sun and the angle of the buoy determine how likely I am to see it and how much orange is reflected on the surface of the water
the angle of the lifeguards in relation to the angle of my projected path, how the difference between these angles affects how straight I swim
same with the angle of other swimmers’ paths
the sharp angles of prickly vines
parallel lines: water and airplane, kicking feet, body and bottom, body and big beach
perpendicular lines: water and light pole
buoys as balls, spheres, orbs
buoys as cylinders
buoys as equilateral triangles
angles of elbow, the arc of an elbow’s path from out of the water to back in
grid quadrants: 1. from big beach to little beach, 2. from little beach to middle green buoy, 3. from middle green to final green buoy, 4. from final green buoy to first orange buoy
rounding the buoy vs. cutting a sharp angle
coordinate points: hand/water, a swimmer/another swimmer’s toe, orange buoy/surface
More on geometry . . . searched geometry on Poetry Foundation and this was the first result:
All the roofs sloped at the same angle. The distance between the houses was the same. There were so many feet from each front door to the curb. My father mowed the lawn straight up and down and then diagonally. And then he lined up beer bottles on the kitchen table.
We knew them only in summer when the air passed through the screens. The neighbor girls talked to us across the great divide: attic window to attic window. We started with our names. Our whispers wobbled along a tightrope, and below was the rest of our lives.
slopes angles
distance = feet
lines straight diagonally
screens = grid divide line bar
We knew them only in summer when the air passed through the screens. The neighbor girls talked to us across the great divide: attic window to attic window. We started with our names. Our whispers wobbled along a tightrope, and below was the rest of our lives.
All of this geometry talk has inspired me to craft a sonnet about grids and seeing and the grid in my eye tethered to the grid in the water. I have a first draft that needs a little work. The poem is about how I’ve been using sighting buoys during open swim to learn how to see in new ways, or to function without needing to see things clearly or often. Or, is it about the parallel paths that learning to sight and learning to rarely or unreliably see have taken and how that’s shaped my experiences with vision loss? or, are both of those conclusions too heavy-handed? Should it be stranger?
1
tethers us to each other — swimming and vision, buoy and body, to sight but rarely see
2
tethers us to each other — swimming and vision, buoy and body, to use sight to learn how to see
Typing up both of these endings, I like the first one better. I’ll keep thinking about it.
Better air! Well, less smoky air. Also, humid air. Heavy air. I checked the weather for rain. Nope. Leaving the house, I was greeted (or threatened or warned) by my next door neighbor, the bluejay. Screech! Screech! I admired the beautiful flowers — dark and light purple, orange, yellow — of the neighbor who lives with Matt the Cat. On the paved path, I glanced down at the oak savanna — dark green — and over at the leaning, almost twisted, fence. Heard the coxswain giving rowers their workout, something about 75ers, and wishing she had a micro-stop on her watch (at least, I think that’s what she said). Also heard rustling in the leaves, sounding bigger than a squirrel. A dog? A turkey? Heading down the hill at the Cleveland overlook, the river looked green and still through the trees. Someone was sitting on the bench in the grass near the stone wall. It was dark enough that the cars and bikes had their headlights on.
Because it’s cooler than the air is better, I have the windows open. Several squirrels are rooting around in the bushes. The sound is irritating me as I write this entry.
Listened to the cars and the rowers and the birds running south and on the Winchell Trail, then a few songs by Lawrence for the last stretch from the 38th street steps to home.
Swimming One Day in August
Because the big beach at Lake Nokomis has been closed due to high levels of e-coli, I haven’t had a chance to swim yet in August. Finally today, at Cedar Lake, I will start working towards my goal of swimming a total of 24 hours (= 1 day) in August. As part of that project, I’m devoting time out of the water to swimming in Minneapolis lakes, too by reading, researching, reflecting, and writing on water. Today, I’m reviewing the history of Cedar Lake, thanks to a masters thesis I found a few years ago.
Already today, I’ve been reading about the dredging of the lakes. 2.5 million cubic yards of peat and sand and wetland were dredged out of nokomis; it took 4 non-stop years. The sand went to the beach, the peat and wetland to making the park bigger and building a neighborhood. Why dredge? Not just because it would make a lake I could swim in a century and a half later. Original Park Board Superintendent Theodore Wirth was thinking about economic growth and the future of a city:
Wirth is outspoken in his belief in the utility of taming nature to increase land value and develop the city’s natural resources. By dredging and creating more shoreline, the park board could improve the parkland, thereby making the property surrounding the parkland a more desirable place to live. The increased value of the private property could provide a greater tax base for the city and for the Park Board, which could use the revenue to continue to acquire and improve park space.
Cedar Lake History/ Neil Trembley
swim: 4 loops 75 minutes cedar lake open swim 77 degrees
Wonderful night for a swim! Calm water, not too warm or too cold. Not too crowded. And even with fogged up goggles (I haven’t treated them in a few weeks), I didn’t get too far off course.
The water felt a little sluggish — not buoyant. There were tons of sharp and scratchy vines, some individual strands, others in clumps. The water was opaque — no fish sightings tonight.
The sky was white; no clouds to notice. I think I remember seeing one bird. Oh — every so often the sky would break open and there was sun. It didn’t last that long.
I wanted to think about Mary Oliver’s “deepening and quieting” but there was none of that tonight. I was swimming hard — not all out, but not stopping either.
Another short run today. The air quality is still bad, but it didn’t bother me — or, I’m so used to it bothering me that I didn’t notice. Wore my bright yellow shoes again and felt bouncy. Listened to my “Slappin’ Shadows” playlist running south, the gorge running north: trickling water, laughing kids, someone talking about walking on a boardwalk, a beeping/ringing noise on repeat somewhere below. Noticed a haze above the river, everything washed out, pale. The tree that fell a few weeks ago is still there, unmoved. The benches were empty, the trails were thick with bikes. No more mud. Acorn shells on the sidewalk.
Walking back after the run, I thought about my inkling poems and how I like to/have to try and guess what something is based on very little data. Some lines came to me —
It’s a game, really — Name that Tune but for forms. I can name that form in 2 curves . . .
Searching for “inkling” on poets.org, I found these great lines:
For what is prophecy but the first inkling of what we ourselves must call into being? The call need not be large. No voice in thunder.
It’s not so much what’s spoken as what’s heard— and recognized, of course. The gift is listening and hearing what is only meant for you. (from Prophecy/ Dana Gioia)
And now I’m thinking about inklings as creatures, and not just hunches or ideas or guesses or a call/prophecy to listen to. An inkling is the tiny creature that speaks to us — not a little man, but a spirit or an insect or Dante’s spiriti visivi.
The wild fire smoke is still here. Mostly it didn’t bother me, but it did make running a little harder. The worst smoke moment was when I came off the lake street bridge and turned onto the river road — not hard to breathe so much as hazy. There weren’t too many runners out there, some walkers, a few bikers, a family of hikers and shadow falls.
10 Things
graffiti on the lake street bridge steps: STOP HATE
a fancy water fountain, bubbling, in the grand yard of the U of M President’s house that Gov. Walz rented while his mansion was being renovated
someone asleep on a hard stone bench by the Monument — in the hot sun, wearing long pants, a long-sleeved shirt, and a stocking cap
the bells of St. Thomas — ding dong ding dong / ding dong ding dong / ding dong ding dong / — the time, 10:45
an orange flash on the sidewalk — the smoky light or spray paint?
a boat speeding up the river, leaving streaks on the water’s surface
no kids outside at the church preschool — were they staying inside because of the smoke, or was it not recess?
the graceful curve of the bridge’s arch — I checked if anyone was climbing on it (nope) — my daughter told me about how kids do that (her included, but only once and only halfway across)
the soft trickle of water near Shadow Falls
a stone wall above the ravine, leaning — it had a sign on it that I couldn’t read, so I took a picture of it to study later
Furnished to the city of St. Paul by the Kettle River Co.
I could mostly read it when I looked at the photograph, but I had to doublecheck with Scott.
I wish the lake was open so I could have gone to open swim for the first day of my “Swimming One Day in August” project, but at least I was able to run. I am almost didn’t go out because of the smoke. Glad I decided to!
The smoke doesn’t seem that bad so, for the first time in weeks, we have the windows open! I like the relief that air conditioning brings, but I hate how it makes me feel trapped in the house. As I sit at my desk writing this, I just heard the feebee call of the black-capped chickadee through the open window!
Today I’m working on more swimming sonnets and Inklings. Some subjects: water quality, blue-green algae, milfoil, water as the medium, loops at lake nokomis are actually triangles, the color of the water, Alice Oswald seeing self in water, again and more darkly, Mary Oliver and the deepening and quieting of the spirit
a little later: I almost forgot about the mushrooms! Walking north before my run, I saw some HUGE mushrooms in a neighbor’s yard. The first one I noticed had lost its cap and I thought it was a newly cut tree trunk. I think there were a cluster of 4 or 5 mushrooms. I started reciting Sylvia Plath’s Mushrooms in my head. I thought about mushrooms as the fruit of fungi and little explosions and expressions of the self (like through poetry) as emerging like mushrooms. For the rest of the run I checked the grass for more mushrooms, but don’t recall seeing any more.
a lot later: RJP checked out a book for me, Mary Oliver’s Blue Pastures, so I could read some of Oliver’s sand dabs and the chapter, “Pen and Paper and Breath of Air.” I’m on the second page and I already needed to stop and archive some of her ideas:
First, in describing her practice of keeping a notebook, she writes that she doesn’t write in it from front to back, but just opens a page and writes anywhere and everywhere. She uses “private shorthand” to record phrases and feelings.
The words do not take me to the reason I made the entry, but back to the felt experience, whatever it was. this is important. I can, then, think forward again to the idea—that is, the significance of the event—rather than back upon it. It is the instant I try to catch in the notebooks, not the comment, not the thought. And, of course, this is so often what I am aiming to do in the finished poems themselves.
“Pen and Paper and Breath of Air” in Blue Pastures/ Mary Oliver
And here’s one of the phrases she put in a notebook:
A fact: one picks it up and reads it, and puts it down, and there is an end to it. But an idea! That one may pick up, and reflect upon, and oppose, and expand, and so pass a delightful afternoon altogether.
“Pen and Paper and Breath of Air” in Blue Pastures/ Mary Oliver
4.5 miles minnehaha falls and back 59 degrees AQI*: 157
*Air Quality Index
Cooler! Smoky, again. Ran on the dirt trail on the other side of the river road heading south. Noticed how the trail didn’t seem quite as wide as it did a few years ago during the pandemic when more people were using it. Wondered how many feet have to tread over the same spot to make a trail, and how long it takes for a forgotten trail to revert to grass. Crossed over to the paved path by Becketwood and stayed on it to the falls, then past the falls, then over the Veterans bridge then down the steep hill to the very bottom of the ford bridge then north thenhome.
Listened to cars and birds and voices as I ran south. Put in my “Remember to Forget” playlist returning north. Tried to forget that I was hot and wanted to stop as I listened to Peter Gabriel and Michael McDonald singing about forgetting.
10 Things
orange light dotting the path
turkeys! 4 female turkeys (hens) bobbing their necks and moving slowly, 1 male (a tom) following behind — the hens ignored me as I stopped to look, but the tom turned and stare
the rush of minnehaha creek below me as I ran over the veterans bridge
standing on the bridge above the falls, watching it tumble down to the creek below
a man and a little kid sitting at the bench near the boulder
the path blocked off near Godfrey by 2 trucks and some cones — not sure what they were working on
the path blocked off near folwell by cones: park workers repainting the biking and walk signs
a new person painted on the paved path — glowing white, I checked to see if anyone had drawn in a face yet (nope)
my shadow — I could see my pony tail bobbing as I moved
fake bells x 2: the ding-ding-ding of the light rail pulling out of the station and the chiming of the st. thomas bells at 7:45
Such as the lobster cracking loose from its exoskeleton after moons of moulting, or the viper that squeezes out of the skin of its remembrance, this oracle invites you to rewild yourself, to unbox, detox, and de- clutter your blood.
Hazy and smoky this morning. Canadian wild fires again. A present from the wind. It looked bad, but didn’t bother my breathing too much. Inspired by the wind, I listened to my “Beaufort Scale” playlist until I reached the old stone steps near the south entrance of the Winchell Trail. Then I listened to the water falling out of the sewer pipe and splashing on the rocks down to the river.
WPA 1938
I took this picture of a stone wall built by the WPA, and possibly by grandfather, on the stone steps at the edge of the 44th street parking lot. 1938 was four years before my mom was born. Was my grandfather working for the WPA then?
At the bottom of the steps is the Winchell Trail and the 44th street sewer pipe/ravine. Also, the curved wall that I like to admire from above as I run by and the spot in the trail that transitions from crumbled asphalt to cracked. Yesterday I wrote about the sound of the water falling. I decided to stop and record it today:
water falling at the 44th street ravine
10 Things
a section of the fence on the edge, missing a slat
something on the asphalt ahead — a big puddle? no spots of light shining through a gap in the trees — a pool of light!
smoke on the water (waTER — Deep Purple/Pat Boone reference) — my view from the Winchell trail through the trees, light blue looking fuzzy and faded through the smoke
the faint voices of kids on playground
the blending of car wheels above with wind in the trees and water falling down the ravine
an older couple walking fast and with purpose, especially the woman who was leading the charge, seen twice
a small bird flittering by, a flash of yellow — was it yellow, or was it a trick of the light, or was it my unreliable vision?
the 38th street steps are still rainbow colored — well, at least, a few steps are — the yellow and orange and purple ones
glancing across the road and doing a double-take: is that a turkey or a young tree with its trunk covered in black plastic?
empty benches
swim: 2.5 loops (5 cedar loops) cedar lake open swim 77 degrees
Very glad Cedar Lake is okay so that open swim could happen. It was windy and choppy and smoky. At first I thought my goggles were fogged up, but then I realized it was the smoke in the air. Air quality was bad: 168, which is unhealthy. With the choppy water, it took a few loops to get into a rhythm. Lots of breathing on one side, or breathing every 2 or 3 strokes.
I’ve been working on a new poem form today. I’m calling it inkling. It’s inspired by an Alice Oswald line from Dart: the inkling of a fish. Inkling as vague, the idea of, a whisper, unproven, a rumor. My little poems — 3-5 lines, I think — are about describing or evoking the feeling or idea of something that you can’t quite see, or that you feel more than anything else. My first one will be about fish.
Another hot and hazy morning. I remembered to notice the river and it looked . . . thirsty? Trying to think of the best word that conveys the opposite of refreshing and cool. Uninviting? Thick? Stuck? Inert? By the Cleveland Overlook it was green and dull and thick. Below the Winchell Trail near the south entrance it was a pale blue with a soft haze hovering above it. Farther north on the trail it was bright blue with a few spots of sparkle through the trees.
Because of the intense thunder storm last night, there was water everywhere — puddles, gushing sewers, squishy mud. The puddles were small but filled with the reflections of trees and flat, still. The mud was slick and slippery. Two distinctive sewer sounds/movements: 1. below 44th street, the water was pulsing, coming in waves — a moment of steady flow, then nothing, then water flowing again. I stopped to lean over the railing and watch it. 2. below 42nd street, the water was rushing out of the pipe, making a small waterfall on the rocks below — a continuous dropping of water.
With all the wind and rain last night, I expected there to be more trees or branches down than there were. Was there any new debris? I don’t think so.
The weather is strange this week: very hot and humid and sunny during the day — we’ve had several heat advisories, then violent storms move in quickly at night. Last night, it started with the wind. I opened the front door and watched the trees bending, twisting, waving. Very unsettling to watch. Then the sky unzipped and rain came down in sheets. Will it happen again tonight? I hope not.
For future Sara: Scott and I discovered a new sport to watch during the Aquatic World Championships — men’s 27 meter (that’s 9 stories!) and women’s 20 meter diving. Why can’t the men and women dive from the same height? Anyway, I’d never heard of this before. An extremely HIGH platform is created outside with a small circular pool at the bottom — don’t worry, the water is deep. Divers jump — they enter feet first — from high up, doing flips and twists and somersaults as they plummet. It’s so dangerous that they have 4 first-responders in the pool waiting to rescue them if they need it. And the first thing they do after surfacing is alert the responders with a thumbs up. What? Wow. Like other diving competitions, a lot of the score is determined by how much splash they make entering the water. I can’t see the splash, because of my bad vision, but I still enjoy watching it. After the dive, they show several slow-motion replays, including one from below. You watch as the diver nears the water; Scott says it reminds him of seeing someone falling to their death.
I am alone but for this vein splitting the earth open and we are silent, the stream and I
far away from our mouths. The stream folds over itself, my hand speculating under the surface.
The stippled faces of orioles sail by slowly, their dark wings working hard as tired men pulling oars
in a landscape painting, their lantern chests dotting a modest pattern across the sky, over this brook
a mile from your house—from you who are alone but for your sons and your sons’ refusal to recognize
you cloaked under a sadness, the color of whose cloth is muted as these late-afternoon birds.
The stream sluices crawdads and stones, carefully takes its bend like a tongue spackled with canker sores. I still expect it to speak. I’ve come to listen to this slow unfurling, hoping I’ll fall
asleep as it turns like a lullaby a child promises he will strain to hear, to memorize. I make sense
of smudged pastoral visions. Gone, the birds long gone. Palms, I cup water with bent palms.
run: 3 miles trestle turn around 86 degrees
I was supposed to go to open swim, but the beach has been closed for a week because of e-coli. Not sure why, but I’m guessing it’s because of the storm. What a bummer! I’m supposed to start my “swimming one day in august” project on 1 august. It will be more difficult to do it now that I’m missing august 1 and 3. Thankfully Cedar Lake is open so at least I can swim there tomorrow.
Since I couldn’t swim, I decided to do another run. It was hot, but the humidity was lower so it seemed less terrible than this morning’s run.
10 Things
I think I heard the rowers; I know I saw a few of them heading down the hill to the dock
traffic was backed up — so many cars trying to turn onto lake street
a mini peloton — a dozen bikers — whirred by me on the river road
someone in a strange t-shirt with lots of words or logos or symbols that I couldn’t make sense of was sitting on the ledge under the trestle listening to heavy metal on their phone
a walker, dressed in brown shorts and a brown shirt, passing me twice, their head titled to the side
the sliding bench was a cool, dark green
the spray paint on the ancient boulder looked extra orange today — did someone touch it up recently?
a lime scooter parked in the middle of the walking path under the bridge
the big crack north of the trestle looks about the same as it did last week — not bigger — but the path is blocked off with caution tape, orange cones, and a warning spray-painted on the asphalt
as I neared them, someone was emerging from the old stone steps
Cooler than last week, but still too warm for me. Felt drained and my feet were sore from my shoes — the Saucony Rides strike again. Even so, happy to be out beside the gorge with my friends — the boulders, benches, trees, shadows, walkers, runners, river. But not the bikers — too many of them, and too many close calls.
Last night, we had some intense wind and thunderstorms. Eveidence of it is everywhere: leaves, twigs, branches, whole trees scattered near the trail, gushing sewer pipes, muddy paths. The water from the 44th street pipe gushed out in spurts, almost like a bucket filling up then dumping over. The water from the 42nd street sewer pipe rushed with a steady flow of water, like a waterfall.
I ran closer to the river and I remember looking at it, but I don’t remember what it looked like. Was it smooth? scaled? blue? gray? brown? I don’t recall. I do remember not hearing any rowers.
I didn’t have any deep thoughts about water or swimming or life or, if I did, they didn’t stick around. Instead, I thought about how my feet were sore and my legs felt sluggish, how I wanted to stop, and how I had some unfinished business and needed to get to a bathroom soon.
swim: 3 loops (6 cedar loops) cedar lake open swim 88 degrees
The water was warm but calm and more greenish than usual. Lots of scratchy vines and swimmers swimming in the middle. Also, a giant rubber ducky inner tube floating beside the course. The safety buoy of the day was a clunky, lumpy orange one. Lots of other yellow and pink buoys too. The sky had a few clouds but was mostly blue. Made sure to notice the bubbles around my hands. At the end of the swim, near shore, I went a little deeper in the water — it was cool, which felt nice.
As Scott and I left the beach I noticed an older woman waving at someone, than a little kid yelling excitedly, Grandma!
No bathroom stop in the one port-a-potty today. Someone puked on the floor right next to the toilet. Yuck!
3 loops, long* lake nokomis open swim 80 degrees humidity: 80%
*there are no set locations for the buoys, so each swim the distance is a little different. Sometimes shorter than usual, today longer. I usually compare by number of strokes. 3 loops last Thursday was 1, 700 strokes, 3 loops today was 2000 loops.
Hot! The few times I stopped mid-lake to adjust by nose plug or googles I was overheated. That doesn’t happen often when I’m in the water! The first loop was choppy with swells. Not rough, but active, and difficult to breathe on my right side. The choppiest part of the loop was the last segment back toward the big beach. Loops 2 and 3 were calm. I guess the wind died down. No sign of blue-green algae blooms.
10 Things
a pale yellow something below me in the water — a leaf? a fish? a vine?
blue sky with puffy white clouds
sloshing sounds as water lapped over me
a plane flying low and parallel to the water
squeaks from my leaking nose plug
spots of sparkling water in the distance
sparkle friends moving fast
below the surface, the water was a greenish-yellow
rounding the buoy, noticing the angle of the rope as it disappeared into deeper, darker water
swimming into a few vines — thin, not scratchy or slippery
I thought about doing 4 loops, but at the end of the third I could tell that my body was done. Hours later, writing this and feeling tired, I’m glad I listened and stopped.
Returned home and watched Tadej Pogacar win the tour and Wout Van Aert win the stage. Excellent.
No open swim today. It wasn’t canceled, but I wanted to watch the tour stage live and the air quality was very bad this morning — wild fires from Canada. Hours later, I might be regretting missing it a little — and if it rains Sunday morning or they close the lake, I’ll be regretting it a lot. Oh well. I walked to the library instead. Hot with bright sun, hardly any shade.
10 Things
leaving the house, a sudden swarm of bzzzzzbzzzzz — bees? nope, a drone hovering above the house. Google earth? Images for a nearby house for sale? Something else, more sinister?
2 people on bikes in bright yellow vests
an older man walking by the church just behind the library, hunched, his head tilted to the side awkwardly, wearing a rumpled suit
passing by a different church — in the courtyard, heard not seen: a fountain/water feature bubbling
same church: a sign for “little sparks” (preschool?) and silver mushroom shaped lights lining the sidewalk in front of the door
a woman on the public phone in the library — no I don’t have that, but I can tell you my social security number, my address, or mydate of birth, which she then did, loudly
someone sitting on a front stoop of a duplex, the front doors separated by 2 garages, listening to BBC news, 5 bodies were recovered, or something equally gruesome
2 people behind me, walking slightly faster, slowly gaining — not seen, heard: the occasional footstep sliding on sand or dirt or gravel
as I walked past a car parked in a driveway, I heard a noise — sort of like an alert or an alarm or a ring tone. returning later, heard it again when I passed
(noticed many times before) a free library at the edge of a yard, under it 4 or 5 stones, one of them with eyes, positioned to resemble a (book) worm
As I walked, I thought about water and being immersed in it, then I imagined being immersed in the air that surrounded me, not separating me from the world but connecting me to it, in a soft haze of togetherness, hearing all the other sounds, feeling a part of them. I thought about something I read the other day in Darby Nelson’s For Love of Lakes:
Sight insists on separation; hearing, like touch or taste or smell insist on connection.
Scott Russell Sanders, cited in For Love of Lakes
Sight insists on separation. To me, very little feels separate with its blurred lines and fuzzy forms, and sounds are often difficult to isolate and find their source.
Then, another thought: to be present in a moment requires soft absorption: not focused attention on what you are hearing, but an openness to taking in what’s happening now and only reflecting on it later.
Here are the 2 books I picked up from the library:
Pawnbroker’s Daughter: A Memoir/ Maxine Kumin
It is Almost Than: A Collection of Images + Text by Women Artists & Writers/ Lisa Pearson, ed.
Anne Carson, Water, and You
Found this passage from Anne Carson which I think fits with a conversation of immersion and being reminded of the self mid-swim.
There is a moment you are swimming in the pool, stroking forward strongly and down across the fingers of your right hand as you press it through the water, comes a hair. You feel this hair as a jolt of what should not happen. Just a single hair, so slight a sensation you could think you imagined it except, pushed against your fingers by the pressure of the water as you continue to thrust, it clings an instant, it will not go its way, you may have to shake your fingers sideways in the water spoiling your stroke and then it slides off, this hair that has no business there, someone else’s hair, this little nightmare of a hair whose touch has suddenly startled you out of the sleep of self-containment that swimming induces into the fact of dirt. Other people’s dirt. Other people. Your own dirt, you. Not this pure noncontingent forward motion unmarred by agent or accountability but you, a person, a person known all too well, a person in a swamp of others and others’ dirt, hair, skin, fluids, anger, who knows. You in all this. You utterly violable. Of course everyone is aware swimming pools are full of dirt but there is no reason to think of this now. The thought in fact is canceled by swimming by its sound aspect – both deaf and cavernous – that separates you from normal perception; by its blue aspect, an immaterial blue that reminds you vaguely of laundry ads or other planets; by its water aspect, which cannot help but evoke the whole history of purification and lustral joy not to say ritual rightness; and above all by its heroic, streaming, organized, forward motion. What could dirt have to do with this motion?
Carson’s hair and dirt remind me of the “friends” I’ve written about in the YWCA pool (a few years ago), my sparkle friends in Lake Nokomis, and the floating vines I encounter in the middle of Lake Nokomis or Cedar Lake that wrap around my head or shoulders or slide (like a full body scan) down my torso and legs.
run: 4 miles the monument and back 73 degrees dew point: 69
Thought about going out for a run around 6:30 am but watched Pogacar defend his yellow jersey in the alps instead. Excellent. Finally made it out for a run at 10:30. Not as bad as yesterday, but too warm, especially in the direct sun.
Chanted in triple berries. Admired the reflections of clouds on the river. Heard the kids on the playground at the church preschool. Put in the soundtrack to “Operation Mincemeat” for the second half.
I thought briefly about fields — visual and of tall grass and open vistas — and buoys and dots and simple forms.
Walking home after the run, I noticed someone stopped on the corner with a dog. I wondered why they were stopped — was there a car coming? should I not cross? Got to the other side and realized that it was my son, FWA, and our dog, Delia. It’s happened before — just last week — but it’s always upsetting when I don’t recognize my kids or my husband or my dog. For a moment, they’re only strangers.
Crossing back over the lake street bridge, I took a few pictures of the clouds reflected on the river:
clouds reflected on riverriver clouds
note: I had to crop out my finger from the left hand corner. Even with the cropping, I think these are cool pictures.
visual fields, landscapes, meadows
1
At the end of yesterday’s entry I wondered what sighting buoys and swimming in the lake had to do with the visual field test. I’m still thinking about it. On a literal level, the way I’ve trained myself to sight a buoy, lining up its path, then trusting myself to swim straight to it even when I can’t see it, is how I took the visual field test last month: I fixed on the center dot and looked straight at it, or where I knew it to be when I couldn’t see it. My eyes didn’t wander. Another connection: at a distance, the buoy doesn’t look like the shape that it is — a triangle — it looks like a small dot in the center of my vision.
2
Yesterday, reviewing early july entries, I encountered this definition of visual field: “that portion of space in which objects are visible at the same moment during steady fixation of the gaze in one direction.”
It reminded me of definitions of landscape I came across yesterday in the OED: “A view or prospect of natural inland scenery, such as can be taken in at a glance from one point of view.”
the space in which objects are visible at the same time, what all can be taken in (simultaneously) with one glance
3
as though there swung at the end of a tunnel, a passage dotted with endless points of arrival, as though our gaze started just outside our faces and corkscrewed its way toward the horizon, processual, as if looking took time to happen and weren’t instantaneous, offered whole in one gesture before we ask, before our will, as if the far Sonoma mountains weren’t equally ready to be beheld as the dead fly on the sill) (Pastoral/ Forrest Gander)
What I remember of better eyesight is how the world assembled all at once, an effortless gestalt—the light, the distance, the dappled detail of shade, exact crinkles of a facial expression through a car windshield, the lift of a single finger from a steering wheel, sunlight bouncing off a waxed hood. (Naomi Cohn)
4
A quick glance — my eyes emerge from the water like an alligator to look ahead for the buoy. Often all I see is a green mass of trees and empty water. Occasionally, a bright dot, far off. I don’t see it every time I look, but enough times to keep steadily swimming towards it. No time to think, not enough data to be certain, but I believe it’s the buoy, and usually I’m right. A few times I’ve mistaken a bright swim cap or a car’s headlight or a sailboat for the buoy.
5
“A field is used more often to describe an area managed by people. The field before you was once an orchard and pasture belonging to a farmer. A meadow is used to describe a wild area.”
“Fields and meadows start when trees have been removed from an area. This can occur naturally with a forest fire or flood, or humans may cut down a forest. Seeds from grasses and weeds take root shortly after and a meadow is born.
As the trees within my macula disappear, my forest meadows. here I’m thinking about my classic memory from science class with the inverted tree in the back of the eye.
bike: 8 miles lake nokomis and back 82 degrees / 79 degrees
Biked to the lake! No worries, felt relaxed and able to see well enough, or if I couldn’t see, able to navigate well enough. No moments of panic. Biking back was the best. Long shadows, cooler, people biking/walking/running and enjoying the calm evening. I admired the shadow of me on a bike, looking larger than life.
swim: 3 loops lake nokomis open swim 82 degrees
Yesterday, open swim sent out a warning about blue-green algae. They weren’t closing the lake, just encouraging people to be cautious. I didn’t see any algae blooms, although I noticed that the water was a more vivid, electric green. The water was warm and calm and wonderful. With the sun, it was difficult to see — I could see dots, which I trusted were buoys as I swam towards the little beach, but swimming back towards the big beach, barely anything other than bright sun, sparkling water. I managed to see the buoys at least once and trusted my shoulders to guide me across. I don’t think I’ll ever not be amazed that this works, that I swim straight to the buoys when I can’t (or barely can) see them.
I tried something new as a I swam. Each time I tilted my head to breathe, I thought a word, usually 1 syllable but occasionally 2: squish flash flit fly flush flare zip zap bird tree cloud blue girl ghost gorge life death bliss breath bubbles bike run float lift shut jump black red orange feet toe hand face field grass give take spirit sprite light dark
There were many other words, but I don’t remember them all. I might try this again. Maybe some great words/images will burst out?!
images collected in consciousness like a tree alone on the horizon (Crows/ Marilyn Nelson)
So warm already at 8 am! Decided to do a quick run anyway. Felt better than I thought especially on no coffee or food, but it was still hard. Listened to the new Lorde (recommended by RJP) while I ran south to the entrance of the Winchell Trail. Listened to turkeys and trucks and coxswains while I ran north.
10 Things
a coxswain below giving instructions through a bullhorn — take a drink before class begins . . . today we’ll start with some stroke work: 22/22/22/24
the distant gobble of turkeys
the rumble of a truck
a roller skier
a biker in a bright yellow shirt working on their aero position, back bent low and straight over the bike
the tree that fell and blocked 3/4 of the trail is still there, its leaves now brittle and brown
empty benches
voices above me, approaching steadily — bikers or runners?
another coxswain — difficult to hear over my music
cracked pavement below — some small and shallow, others deeper and slanted, all waiting to twist ankles
a few hours later: a steady rain
Returning to this log entry to wander with a question I posted yesterday:
What kind of landscape even exists in the absence of vision?
Darby Nelson is referring to lakes and how little can be seen below the surface. Landscape is a strange word choice here. Landscape refers to a view/tract of land that’s inland. What’s the word for a water view? Waterscape? Beyond that, the OED definition of landscape is about a view, a portrait, a picture. What is the experience/perception of a space — land or water — called that doesn’t prioritize or exclusively rely on vision?
I’m also thinking about how a landscape is scenery, an object to gaze at, the background. What if we made the lake the subject? How would we understand and name our relationship to it? Ecosystems popped into my head — maybe not the right word, but another way to think about what the water we’re observing, especially when we’re in it, is. And, what if we (you, me) are not individuals separate from the lake as observers but ecosystems too?
It is becoming increasingly clear that there is no such thing as a biological individual. All organisms are intricately nested collectives: networks of relationships between cells and microbes that make it impossible to say where one “individual” starts and stops. Humans are no exception: We carry around more microbial cells than we do our own.
In the same entry I posted the above quotation (8 april 2022), I also posted and discussed Arthur Sze’s poem “Entanglements.” I especially like these lines:
your field of vision tears, and an underlying landscape reveals a radiating moment in time.
“(during my run) I reflected on the underlying landscape as layers that can’t be seen with your eyes, only smelled or felt or imagined. And I delighted in the idea of so much happening, so much present beneath me that I couldn’t see, that I didn’t need to see, for it to exist or to affect me or to be connected to me.”
Field of vision? Suddenly I thought about my interest in writing a poem/s about taking the visual field test (see 1 july 2025). And I’m thinking about landscapes and fields and meadows (see 2 may 2025). A line popped into my head: a meadow of moments — no, a moment meadows.
What does the visual field test have to do with the lake or my experiences swimming in it? A lot, I think. Somehow I want to bring together the visual field test with my swimming and sighting buoys. How? Not sure yet.
swim: 4 loops lake nokomis open swim 89 degrees choppy
A great swim, but choppy! Lots of breathing on one side to avoid waves. Sighting buoys (and other swimmers) was harder, everything lost in the waves. The first loop was the toughest. Got into a groove after it and managed to do 2 more loops before pausing to tread water at a white buoy and then beginning the final loop. It was crowded in the water — kids wading at the beach, adults taking advantage of the free night at open swim. Because of the crowds and the choppy water, it was difficult to give attention to the water or the bubbles or anything else. Did I manage to notice 10 things?
10 Things
sparkle friends — particles floating, churning in the water
so many vines reaching up from the bottom, wrapping around my wrist or ankles — it didn’t bother me, but I could imagine that freaking out some other swimmer
a plane flying low, parallel to the water
hot pink safety buoys tethered to torsos
the pale foot of a breaststroker under the water
the silhouette of an upright lifeguard on a kayak, marking the edge of the course
someone swimming at the edge of my vision — far off to the left
3 swimmers with yellow safety buoys clustered together, treading water and talking
mostly blue sky, a few clouds
paused at the buoy, witnessing a strange sight: the way a swimmer was breathing and sighting in the choppy water, jerking their head high up and out of the water — at first I thought they were doing a double-take when they noticed me, but nope, that’s just the way they swim
before the swim
Each summer of swimming builds on the last. I get stronger, able to swim for longer without stopping. It’s not a deliberate choice or part of a training plan — I have no training plan for swimming; I just swim until I am too tired or I have to go to the bathroom or I’ve run out of time. I have loose goals: 100 miles for the summer or a 5k or 6 loops or the full 2 hours in one session. This year: swimming cumulatively for a day, or 24 hours, in August. It’s a goal inspired by the title of a Mary Oliver poem: Swimming, One Day in August. It’s possible, but it will take some planning and pushing myself to achieve.
In July, I’m finding myself thinking about how much time I’m spending above the surface versus below it. This year, I’m below much more than above. In past summers, I’ve done less loops and more stops at shore in-between. This year, I might occasionally pause mid-lake for 5-10 seconds, or take a 30 second break at the beach between the 3rd and 4th loop, but mostly I’m swimming freestyle without stopping. 60-90 minutes of 1 2 3 4 5 breathe right 1 2 3 4 5 breathe left. That’s a lot of time submerged and becoming acquainted with the underwater world!
Below, my thoughts are the bubbles that surround me. Above, they become words that hover above the water or travel across the lake — maybe they get lost beyond the horizon, or maybe they linger, later taking the form of words on a page. Last night, swimming the stretch from hidden beach back to point beach, I imagined each breath as one word bursting into the air: 1 2 3 4 5 BLUE 1 2 3 4 5 GRAY. I didn’t get very far with my words before I was distracted by something — another person? a scratchy vine? trying to sight an invisible buoy? I’d like to play around with this some more while I’m swimming tonight. Does each breath have to be only one word?
My ideas about thoughts below and above the water are partly inspired by the lines from Alice Oswald that I’ve memorized and have been reciting in my head:
dived again and surfaced and smelt all the longings of grass-flower smells and bird-flower sounds and vaporous poems that hang in the chills above rivers (Nobody/ Alice Oswald)
the vaporous poems as my thoughts bursting into the air and hanging above the surface?
and thoughts escaping to the surface to move beyond the self
I wish I was there or there he thinks and his mind immediately
as if passing its beam through cables flashes through all that water and lands less than a second later on the horizon and someone with a telescope can see his tiny thought-forms floating on the sea surface wondering what next
*
like spirits of sight whose work is on the water where the massless mind undulates the intervening air shading it blue and thinking
I wish I was there
or there
All the time in the water, the front half of me submerged except for my quick breathe every 5 strokes, has me wondering about which world is real, which a dream. On 3 July, I posted a quotation from Anne Carson that ended with, Could we be exactly wrong about such things as—he rotates again—which way is up? High above him he can feel the clouds watching his back, waiting for him to fall toward them. Which way is up, which down?
I’m thinking of May Swenson’s “Water Picture” and her vivid description of a water world as the world above water in reverse:
Treetops deploy a haze of cherry bloom for roots, where birds coast belly-up in the glass bowl of a hill
The first line of her poem — In the pond in the park all things are doubled — reminds me of something Alice Oswald said in her “Interview with Water” lecture: when you look at water, it allows you to exist twice but more darkly (see full quote from 20 june 2024)
And that line reminds me of part of Oswald’s Nobody:
I lost track of the underneath of things everything became my mirror once I stood up to look over the side I sat down again terrified it was myself I saw thronged and pitch-green spilling over the top of the earth the same soft dust-sheets over my hands as the clouds the same thick curtain across the horizon
Above and below the surface is not just reversal, the same backwards, symmetry, but something else. In her lecture, the lines before the bit about twice darkly, Oswald says:
but the surface of water is complicated by transparency, and its transparency is complicated by refraction. Water is never the same as itself. Rivers can only exist as similarities, lakes reflect more than their own volume
The surface offers the illusion of reversal, one way up, the other down. Below the surface, beyond its mirror, another world waits to be witnessed. And not with eyes — the visibility in lake nokomis is currently 6.6 feet. In the middle of the lake, all I see below me are particles, stray vines, an occasional flash, and murky green-blue-yellow. Not so much dark, as Nothing.
I’m fascinated by surfaces, or what Oswald calls the waterlid. What does the surface look like from below looking up? I should make note of it today. Also, from above, looking down?
Looked up some notes, and found this great quotation from Darby Nelson in his book, For the Love of Lakes:
Human understandings rely heavily on the endless flood of messages from our eyes. But with a lake, the laws of optics work against us. Its reflective surface and the water’s rapid absorption of light with increasing depth conspire to keep much of a lake hidden from view. At a lake, open your eyes and you don’t see half of it. Nearly all the visual input from a lake comes as surface reflections, mere superficialities. Thoreau reveled in reflections. He felt because they were constantly changing they could present previously known truths from new points of view. But those truths don’t penetrate into the world of the lake below, a truth with which he seems unconcerned. What kind of landscape even exists in the absence of vision? How can we fully perceive what we cannot see?
For the Love of Lakes/ Darby Nelson
during the swim
I wanted to think about these things and recite some lines as I swam, but I was distracted by the effort of choppy, crowded water, always looking out for waves crashing over me and making it hard to breathe, or random slow or stopped swimmers. Near the end of the swim, I decided to dip lower in the water so that I could see the surface from below — a wavy, slightly distorted version of the sky and clouds. Cool!
run: 1.75 miles from minnehaha falls to home 73 degrees / dew point: 64
A quick run with Scott from the falls back home before the rain started. We made it! Checked the weather on my watch after we finished — 95% chance of rain in 8 minutes. Ran at 1 pm, which might be my least favorite time to run. It felt hard. Still, I’m glad we did it. (It never rained.)
We stopped to walk where the trail dips below the road so I could point out the new trail they’ve created that winds down to the river. I can’t wait until they’re finished. It looks cool. Speaking of cool, I was trying to convey to Scott how I felt about the air and what the impending storm was doing to the sky and the air and green of the gorge. First I said “cool,” but it’s not cool (temperature), so I started to clarify, I mean the atmosphere, but realized that atmosphere could be related to temp so I said, I mean the vibe is cool. Cool is such a strange word — both full of meaning and history and empty too. For 35 years, I’ve been trying to expand my vocabulary beyond it, but it never works. How many times a day do I use this word?
I know that there is a rich history of the term within African American culture and jazz and that it’s been appropriated by white culture, but I don’t know the history that well. In poetry, my immediate thought about cool is Gwendlyn Brooks amazing, “We Real Cool.” I also think about Beatnik poetry and the Pia Zadora/Ric Ocasek scene in Hairspray:
“your hair is really uncool”
swim: 3 loops (6 cedar loops) cedar lake open swim 79 degrees rain
Overcast, gray. Calm water, warm-enough air. A great night for a swim. As I swam, I monitored the sky, noticing it getting darker and thicker. Wondered if it would start raining. During loop 4, it did. It’s always difficult to tell if it’s raining when I’m swimming. Today I felt a drop on my check and then paused to lift my head out of the water — a steady rain. I think I heard it underwater, but I couldn’t see it, and barely felt it. No thunder, so open swim kept going. Hooray!
10 Things
a graying sky
a big canoe moving fast across the swim course
even as I tried to stay on the edge of the course, the current pushed me toward the center
pale green, opaque water
bubbles encasing my hands
attacks from floating vines
a party with a campfire and barking dogs at hidden beach
buoyant, feeling held by the water
after: itchy skin
standing up in the sand after the last loop — a final look at the buoys and the water
Remembered the first line from the A Oswald poem fragment that I forgot several times last week: this disintegrating certainty
Thought about the bubbles and imagined that they were holding me up, like some sort of raft or inner tube.
My legs felt like rudders, my torso rocked rhythmically, my shoulders rose and fell.
Wow! What a morning for a swim. Sunny and not too windy. I couldn’t see the green buoys heading towards the little beach, but I didn’t care. I’m used to my eyes not seeing the buoys and trusting that some part of me has seen them and is leading me the right way, and I use other things to keep on course — sparkles on the water, which mean other swimmers are around, the lifeguard kayaks on the edge of the course, buildings.
10 Things
a swirled glob of vines
orange safety buoys tethered to torsos
cloudless blue sky
pale green water
a young kid calling out to another kid — look at the little fish!
a swim clinic for people doing the Y-tri — the instructor encouraging people to take breaks if they needed to — of course it’s hard! it’s okay to take a break
little specks: swan boats in the distance
little specks: green buoys looking like far off white dots
sparkle friends
a paddle boarder crossing the path, then a kayak
Recited my Alice Oswald lines: He dives. He shuts himself in a deep soft-bottomed silence . . . Underwater, the silence was more than a lack of sound, not empty but still — the same view with no variations: the pale green water studded with particles. No shafts or light, no fish.
Recited some lines of my own, too: I go to the lake/to beholldto be/ held by thewater
a return to EXAQUA
“Water is the medium, the texture, the weight, the space, the motion/emotion or your writing/thinking. Would you agree? Is that too tidy? Your work is attuned to water and being close to it (or, better, being inside it) is important to you” (EXAQUA/ Jan-Henry Gray).
What might it look like to have water be the medium, the texture, the weight space motion emotion of my writing/thinking?
medium = way in which the writing is delivered — print, digital, audio, visual water as medium = delivered with water = the bubbles sparkles wound on the water my piercing hands leave
Giving water the weight and size of myself in order to imagine it, water with my bones water with my mouth and my understanding
weight and size of myself = swimming in the lake, again and again, a full immersion — without wetsuit or raft — more time below the surface than above, my full devotion and attention
4 miles river road, north/south 72 degrees humidity: 85%
Because I waited until after today’s tour stage — the last one in the Pyrenees — it was humid and hot out by the gorge! Other than the heat, the run was not too bad. I chanted in triples for about a mile and tried to keep my chest up, shoulders relaxed, arms in a controlled swing. I don’t remember hearing the rowers or seeing the river.
10 Things
the entrance to a steep dirt path above the rowing club on the other side of the path that goes under the lake street bridge
a runner behind me, coming fast, slapping his feet on the paved path
a biker sternly telling the runner, you’re on the bike path!
the runner not reacting because he was wearing headphones
the fence panel that they were redoing yesterday was in place and its new, unpainted wood stood out against the other brown panels
a wooden slat of the fence jutting out by the ravine because of a leaning tree — watch out!
2 older women sitting on a bench — one to the other: not bad, 2 miles in 2 hours
a flash of orange in the peripheral — a hidden tree trunk marked for removal
slightly more of a view at the sliding bench — I think park workers trimmed the trees
the crack north of the trestle looks like it might have grown some more
bike: 8.6 miles lake nokomis and back 61 degrees (there) / 68 (back)
It’s great to bike! Independence! Not having to rely on someone else to get me to the lake. And, being on a bike is much more fun than being in a car.
Overcast and cool. Some wind as I biked south and west. I might have glimpsed the river through the trees, looking almost white, but I don’t remember. Heard the rush of the light rail going past on the other side of the barricade. Also heard the rush of the creek, moving past the spot where all the kids like to swim. Heard the rhythmic thwack of the pickle ball hitting the racket. The pickle ball courts by the lake nokomis rec center are always full. And, as I neared the big beach, I heard a shrill sound on repeat. Scott and I had heard it last night and thought it was a person whistling. Nope. Was it a bird? What else could it have been?
swim: 3 loops lake nokomis open swim 64 degrees
A little tired today after last night’s swim. Otherwise, I felt good, buoyant, high up on the surface of the water. My sparkle friends were coming right at me as I swam across to the little beach. The sky was covered in clouds. The positioning of the buoys was closer today than last nigh, so a much shorter course. Two things: the green buoy closest to the little beach was farther away this morning than last night and the middle green buoys were closer together — a tighter angle. According to my watch, I swam a mile and 1000 less strokes today.
I had trouble keeping my nose plug on; it was leaking air which made a funny nose underwater. I wondered if other swimmers could hear it. Have I heard the noises of other swimmer’s underwater before? Not in lake, but I’ve heard clicking elbows in the pool.
Mostly my stroke pattern was: 1 2 3 4 5 breathe right 1 2 3 4 5 breathe left Occasionally: 1 2 3 4 5 6 or 1 2 3 breathe right 1 2 3 4 breathe right 1 2 3 left 1 2 3 4 left
I recited Alice Oswald, mostly the one about microscopic insects that catch pigment on their shivering hair-like receptors. I wanted to recite the new lines I tried to memorize last night, but I got stuck on the first line. I couldn’t remember disintegrating certainty.
Yesterday I watched a little of the 5k open water swim world championships from Singapore. The competitors were swimming in a shipping lane with an over-sized lane line on one side. This lane line was enormous, much bigger proportionately than a pool lane line. It looked strange and unreal.
10 Colors
orange buoy
red lifeguard kayak
white swan
an occasional dot of robin’s egg blue — the green buoy getting closer
lime green buoy
yellow safety buoy
pink cap
green vine, floating
pale greenish-brown vine from milfoil reaching up from the bottom
a smear of green so dark it almost looked black near the ford bridge: a dark dirt trail that winds through the woods
EXAQUA
Last week, I returned to a poem I posted on this log a few years back: EXAQUA / Jan-Henry Gray. So many good lines about water. I decided to request it from the library — it’s in Gray’s collection, Documents. Yesterday RJP and I went and picked it up. Exaqua is several pages long, with multiple sections. Today I’ll start reading it more closely.
I wondered about the title. What does it mean? In a note, Gray writes that the title comes from the “Notanda” section of M.NourbeSe Philip’s Zong. I’ve heard of Zong! before. JJJJJermoe Ellis writes about it in Aster of Ceremonies. I had to do a little more digging to find out what it means in Zong! Found a masters thesis with an explanation:
When Morrison writes, “By and by all trace is gone, and what is forgotten is not only the footsteps but the water too and what is down there,” she gestures toward the material remains of the enslaved who we know to have been drowned by those waters—the “Sixty Million and more” to whom Beloved (324). It is in an attempt to remember “the water and what is down there” that NourbeSe attempts to do the work of recovering, reclaiming, or exhuming those bodies from their liquid graves. The term NourbeSe uses to describe this process is exaqua: that is, to exhume the bodies of the Zong’s victims from the water. In lieu of the enslaved’s literal, material remains—their scoured bones— Zong! orients itself toward creating a textual space where their voices may sound out. When we have observed that a voice is singular, this observation has rested on the embodiedness of our voices. As sound, our voices are constituted by the materialities of our bodies that produces them, thereby carrying something of our bodies outside of ourselves and spacing it out into the material world. For NourbeSe, then, Zong! as a material object is like the surface from which the sound of the captives’ voices reemerge.
This definition is fascinating. I want to keep thinking about it as I do a close reading of the different sections of the poem. An immediate thought: the idea of surface here is interesting — surface as where what is inside us travels outside.
immersion
The only way to know a song is to sing it. The only way to know an ocean is to swim it. (from Across the Pacific Ocean/ Jan-Henry Gray)
These lines are from an earlier poem in the collection, but I’ve been thinking about them and I think they can be put into conversation with EXQUA. I’d also like to put them into conversation with my own thoughts on being in the water as opposed to being near it or beside it or above it (like I am with the river).
I think about all that I know or understand or am familiar with because of the time I’ve been in lake nokomis over the last 12 years. The quality of the water, its currents, its colors, its buoyancy, its temperatures. The sediments, the ducks, seagulls, loons, dragonflies, the vegetation.
In the water, you feel the ripples, the swells, the rocking of the waves, the wind. Out of the water, you might see a textured surface or a whitecap, but you might only see flat, calm water.
4 miles river road, north/south 57 degrees humidity: 80%
In the 50s! What a beautiful morning. Sunny, calm, cool. My gait felt strange, awkward, for the first 1/2 mile. Was it the shoes? I wore Brooks instead of Sauconys. The humidity was high — lots of sweat, not dripping but pooling near my nose. Chanted in triples for the first mile.
10 Things
rowers! heard 2 different coxswains
after 5 or 6 months, they’re finally replacing the fallen fence panel above the northern end of longfellow flats
the dirt they put in the crack north of the trestle has settled and the crack is back and as big as before — at one point will this be unfixable?
good morning! / good morning! — exchanged greetings with a runner with a dog
good morning! — Mr. Holiday wished me a good morning
click click thought it was a roller skier, but it was a biker changing gears
a circle of light below the sliding bench — have they cleared some branches for more of a view here?
smell of cigarette smoke
the dark dirt of a steep trail leading down to the river
the loud slap of a runner’s shoes as he passed me, running fast, or at least much faster than me
I was watching the tour as I compiled the 10 Things list, but had to put my computer away when they reached the last climb — a tough HC. Pogacar went for it near the bottom and Vingegaard couldn’t follow. Wow!
this disintegrating certainty this water whatever it is whatever anything is under these veils and veils of vision which the light cuts but it remains
unbroken (Nobody/ Alice Oswald)
while I’m swimming today: recite this bit and the others from Dart and Nobody:
swim: 4 loops lake nokomis open swim 71 degrees
Open swim is back and I did 4 loops! A wonderful night, in and out of the water. The water was smooth and fast and not too warm or too cold or too crowded. Entering the lake, I watched as a motorized paddle board zoomed by, then another. What? As I swam toward and then past the orange buoy I heard a metallic buzz in the water. Was it because of these paddle boards? I am very grateful that motorized boats aren’t allowed on nokomis. If they were, would I be hearing this buzzing sound all of the time?
I was off course in the first loop; the sun made it very difficult to see the green buoys. But it wasn’t a big deal. On the second loop, I figured it out.
I marveled at the contrast between above and below the surface. Above was a smooth blue, below a glittering green. Checked out my bubbles. Felt the water darken when the sun went behind a cloud. Was attacked by a few stray vines.
Thought about how much I love the water and how confident I am in it, and then about how dangerous and scary and deadly it can be.
Recited Alice Oswald lines — not the new ones I just memorized, but the ones I’d already been reciting in my head.
