Author: Sara Puotinen

feb 9/RUN

1 mile
mississippi river road path, south/north
8 degrees/feels like -5
100% snow-covered

feels like: my face is burning off, the wind is coming from every direction, more snow might be coming, colder than it is

Ran a mile with Scott this afternoon. It felt colder out there this afternoon than it did yesterday. Was it because it was later in the day? No sun? More wind? I’m glad we did it. It felt easy, like we could have run a few more miles. Noticed the river. Running south, I see more of the river than running north. Scott suggested that it’s because further north, there’s more land between the top of the gorge and the riverbank. I agree. Everything was white and gray and cold-looking. A little winter wonderland. Nice to be in it instead of just watching it through the window. Windows I watched it through today/what I watched: the writing desk in my bedroom/the snow-covered branch of the tree in my front yard; living room/snowy back yard; car window/river road, minnehaha parkway, south Minneapolis; the 3 story huge picture windows at Minneapolis Institute of Arts/Stevens Square Park.

feb 8/RUN

3.4 miles
mississippi river road path, north/south
0/feels like -15
100% snow-covered

feels like: victory, the inside of an ice cube

Wow, that sky. The brightest blue. Noticed it when I saw a bird flying in my peripheral vision and tried to track it in my central vision. So sunny and white. Thick slabs of snow on the side of the path. The trees coming up from the floodplain forest had snow slabs too. Bare brown branches, outlined in white, holding up the sky. Amazing. It was cold, I guess. Didn’t really bother me. My fingers were warm because I wore a pair of gloves and mittens. My toes were cold for the first mile. I think my butt was cold at some point too. Everything else was warm. Saw one other runner, a few walkers, no bikers, no skiers. Ran under the lake street bridge at the same time as the plows. The first plow hit a bump–such a loud noise. I flinched. Listened to my feet striking the snow. A constant, sharp crunch. Much quicker than when I walk.

layers: 2 pairs of running tights, a green shirt, orange shirt, black jacket, gray jacket, buff, balaclava, hood, sunglasses, 2 pairs of socks, 1 pair of mittens, 1 pair of gloves

Why do I like running in this weather? I like being (almost) the only one on the path. I like testing the limits of how cold is too cold. Mostly, though, I like running in the cold. Being out in the snow. Hearing it crunch. Admiring how it decorates the trees and the forest floor. Breathing in the winter air. I think I also like how there’s no pressure to run fast when it feels like 15 below. Just being outside is an accomplishment.

feb 7/XT

bike 30 min/shovel 30 min
bike stand/driveway, sidewalk, deck
5 or 6 inches, I think

No running today. It’s been snowing since early this morning. Waking up before sunrise, I looked out the window and it was a beautiful blueish white. Now this is the kind of snow that I love! It snowed last night too, but then stopped overnight. Leaning my head outside around 7 pm, I smelled it–fresh, quiet, pure cold. I love that smell and the feel of the cold on my face. This morning, the snow was falling in big fluffy flakes and I was happy to be inside watching it. Although I did enjoy shoveling it too. A nice, light snow. Not heavy at all.

Here are 2 poems I wrote last winter that seem to fit my thoughts about the snow today:

This morning’s view

a white so white 
it’s almost blue
or the slight feeling of blue.
Is that what happens when 
snow is new
pure still perfect?
No sun yet or ever today
but the hint of blue blinds

what a snow!

feb 6/RUN

3.4 miles
mississippi river road, north/south
15 degrees/feels like 8
100% snow-covered

Also feels like: too warm for double gloves, an ice rink, a winter wonderland, I’m the only one not in a car, yaktrax

I ran today! It snowed 4 inches last night. The path had been plowed, which was helpful, but the ice was still there. I think this is the most slippery path I’ve ever run on. Wore my yaktrax and that helped, but only a little. I wasn’t worried about falling, just about twisting an ankle or a knee. Harder to run. My legs will be sore soon. Still, it was beautiful and there was hardly any wind and I had the path almost all to myself. One or two walkers, a runner, and an actual cross country skier! Not a roller skier, but a skier with skis! I think this is the first time I have ever encountered a skier on the river road. I loved listening to the sharp crackling of their skis on the crusty path. Glanced quickly at the river and noticed it was covered with snow. Everything is white today, the river, the roads, the path, even the sky.

layers: 2 pairs of running tights, a green base shirt, orange thicker shirt, thin black jacket with hood, gray jacket, 1 pair of gloves, 1 pair of mittens, a running belt with my phone and key in it, a buff, a visor, no headphones. Slightly too warm. Mittens came off after a mile, sleeves rolled up/hood off by the turn around at the railroad trestle, the buff turned into a headband by mile 2.

I don’t remember thinking about anything except for: this is slippery, ouch! (when my right knee shot out a quick flash of pain), I am running slow, how far should I run?, this is slippery, is that the Daily Walker? (no it wasn’t), I like the crusty snow the best because my yaktrax can grip it, I wonder what people driving by think of me running in this?, I hope no car slides off the road and hits me. No big insights or nagging worries. All wonderfully mundane.

feb 5/BIKE

30 minutes
bike on stand in basement

Boo. It’s not too cold outside for me (although it does feel like it’s below 0), but too icy. Not even yaktrax work. So I’m keeping safe inside. Riding my bike in the basement. Then watching the snow–which is now very rudely hiding the ice–from my window. Not sure when I’ll be able to run. The last couple of weeks have sucked. Too cold to run, now too icy. Hope next week is better. I suppose taking some time off of running before really getting into training is not the worst thing. I’ve been doing yoga and trying to figure out the best way to make sure both of my legs (and hips) have recovered from my injury last year. Seems like my left hip is stiffer than my right. Saw some exercises today for strengthening the hips on YouTube, including squatting on one leg. Will I ever be able to do such a bad ass thing as squatting on one leg? Is it wise for me to even try?

feb 2/RUN

4.75 miles
stone arch bridge to home
28 degrees
50% snow-covered
feels like: spring, sun, dripping eaves

One way runs are the best. No loops or turn arounds or thoughts about how I’ll have to run back up the hill I just ran down. Ran from downtown, right by the Stone Arch bridge, through the flats, up Franklin, under Lake Street, above the gorge, to the 36th street parking lot on the river road.

9 things I remember noticing:

  1. my striking feet sinking into soft mushy snow
  2. very bright, warm sun but no shadow
  3. running into the sun, I was blinded. All I could see were the sparkling spots of bare pavement on the path that the sun was illuminating
  4. spots of slick but not slippery snow in the shade
  5. passing under the light rail on the washington ave bridge, hearing it rumble then honk
  6. water trickling off of eaves, bridges, down rocks in the flats
  7. a dog’s collar clanging off to the side, turning and seeing it walking with its human right above the gorge
  8. river was covered with snow and ice, no black holes today
  9. heard voices coming from the hill up the U of M’s Wilson Library. Were they biking? Running? Walking? Not sure.

layers

two pairs of tights, green base shirt, orange warmer shirt, black vest, buff, hat, gloves, sunglasses. Today, the gloves came off, around mile 3, probably right after running up the franklin hill.

chants while breathing

I can’t remember when it happened but sometime in the 3rd or 4th mile, I started rhythmic breathing (in 3 out 2) and creating chants to match. I tried to remember them, but now I can’t. Except: raspberry/custard. mystery/is solved. who could it/be now? it could be/nothing. why is it/ something? These chants really helped by distracting me. I’ll have to remember to do these again.

Sadly, I spent a lot of mental energy paying attention to the path and thinking about which side I should run on. In the middle with the bare pavement but in the way of others? On the soft snow but out of the way of approaching bikers? Right next to the walking path? Close to the cars, on the edge?

feb 1/RUN

4.15 miles
mississippi river road path, north/south
8 degrees/feels like -3
100% snow-covered

Finally I get to run outside again. A balmy 8 degrees. Ran without headphones and listened. My feet on the crunching snow in quick, sharp snaps. A woodpecker rapidly pecking a tree. Some other random birds chirping. A dog barking in a truck driving by under the lake street bridge (is this the same truck, the same dog as last week?). Park workers starting up their chainsaws, clearing out dead branches. Brittle branches breaking–such creaking and cracking!

Layers: two pairs of running tights, a black tech shirt, orange thick cotton shirt, thin black jacket with hood, gray outer jacket, a buff, a visor, 1 pair of gloves, 2 pairs of socks. Again, almost too warm, except for my fingers which were cold for a mile. Unzipped my jackets a little at the end of mile 1, took off my hood at the end of mile 2, put it back on I turned around and faced the wind at mile 2.5, zipped up jackets to my chin at mile 3. Kept my gloves on the entire time.

Wind: Running north it felt easy which meant, of course, that the wind was tricking me. Hiding behind my back, slightly nudging me along without me noticing. Encountered a runner running south, bundled up with their face covered and I knew I was in for it in the second half. Yep. Turned around into a cold wind. Just read yesterday that you should always run into the wind at the beginning of your run before you get too warm and sweaty. Running into wind with a sweaty face makes you get colder faster. Oh well. It wasn’t too bad. Wind doesn’t bother me anymore.

The Path: Totally covered with snow. Not icy or slippery but slick enough that I was sliding slightly. Now, an hour later, my legs are more sore than usual….A few times I noticed how the path suddenly felt different–more absorbent, soft, gentle on my striking foot. Then I realized the Minneapolis parks crew had dropped dirt on the edges of the path. Mostly it was already covered in snow but in a few spots the dirt was still exposed. What a relief it was to run on those few, fleeting stretches!

jan 30/BIKE

30 minutes
bike stand, basement
50 degrees inside?
-20 degrees/feels like -50 outside

Yes, it actually is an arctic hellscape out there today. School has been canceled for the kids almost all week–not sure about Friday yet. Stores, restaurants, the post office are closed. No running outside for me. Maybe tomorrow if it warms up in the afternoon. Today, biking in the basement. So glad I have a stand for my bike so my restless body can get some exercise. After biking spent some time researching the difference between wind chill and “feels like.” So, the wind chill, which was developed by 2 scientists in Antarctica in the 70s, is “how cold it actually feels on your skin when the wind is factored in.” I like the rhyme here. The feels like temperature considers other factors too: humidity, location, metabolism, time of year, type of ground cover. Not sure how it all works but, according to wikipedia (I think), it measures these in terms of how it would feel for an adult walking outdoors in the shade. Researching all of this makes me want to develop my own system for determining/describing the feels like temperature. Maybe a goal for this winter? Not today. To do it, I need to be outside running and figuring out what feels like what. For now, I’m trapped inside. Restlessness is creeping in slowly. Will it accelerate if I can’t go outside tomorrow? Would it be wise to read poems/articles about restlessness or better to avoid thinking about it?

Last week I posed the question: How cold is too cold to run outside? Here’s my response:

I have found it

the answer to the question–
how cold is too cold to run outside?
it is today
and tomorrow
wind chills reaching down to 50 below
maybe I shouldn’t have asked the question
maybe I shouldn’t have provoked winter’s curiosity
making them wonder just how cold cold would have to be
for me to declare, “this is too cold!”
maybe next time
I should keep my mouth shut.

jan 28/SHOVEL

49 minutes
4+ inches off deck, driveway, sidewalk
5 degrees/feels like 15 below

Okay, 4 inches is nothing in Minneapolis. But it might be the most we’ve gotten this winter and, combined with really cold temperatures that felt really cold, there was no way I was running. So I shoveled instead. I guess I shoveled slowly because we don’t have much of a driveway or a deck or a sidewalk and it took me almost 50 minutes. The only part of me that was cold were my fingers. I wore 3 pairs of gloves and still, they were cold. Had to stop halfway through to go inside and thaw them out under the faucet. Warming up, they burned. Stung sharply. Spent about a minute just chanting, “ow ow ow ow ow.” The snow was powdery and dry. Not heavy at all. Sliding easily under my sad, small shovel. We own a snow blower but it’s awkward and easier to just shovel. Plus, I like doing this kind of manual labor. Just a little bit of thinking–planning the best way to clear the path–and a lot of physical work. It’s very satisfying to clear a path. Shoveled the back first, then the side before heading to the front. Noticed that our neighbor had done it again–cleared their path by pushing all the snow into a mound at the end of their part of the sidewalk and the beginning of mine instead of shoveling it off to the side. Who does this? In fairness to my neighbors who are very nice, I don’t think they actually did it. Whoever they hired is responsible. This thoughtlessness bothers me a lot. Too much. I am bothered by how bothered I get by it. My brain almost melts as I try to find a logical reason for why someone would pile up a bunch of their snow on someone else’s sidewalk. I am trying hard to focus on other things, like how the neighbors on the other side always shovel beyond their sidewalk, sometimes shoveling almost half of mine. I would like to write a poem or an essay or something about the sidewalk and my (potentially) overblown outrage. Maybe I’ll add in a few lines about how bothered I am by my inability to confront my neighbors. O to have the skill to handle these situations without losing my temper, the ability to form coherent, generous sentences, and the temperament to not notice or care when something annoying like this happens!

jan 27/RUN

3.25 miles
mississippi river road path, north/south
4 degrees/feels like -14
100% snow-covered

Today it was cold. I have run in colder weather at least once (jan 2, 2018) when it was 0 and felt like 20 below, but today’s feels like 14 below has to rank as one of the coldest runs. Mostly, I enjoyed it. I didn’t feel too cold. Started loosening my layers about a mile in. Was fine with only one pair of gloves. Listened to headphones and felt disconnected. Also felt distracted by layers covering my ears–headphones, music, a buff, a hood, a thick hat–and layers of concern clouding my mood–was my knee okay or was it a mistake to run today? I think my left knee is okay but I’m planning to take a few days off from running. Conveniently, we are expecting a big winter storm and dangerous wind chills until Thursday so even if I wanted to run, I couldn’t.  The path was totally covered with snow and a little slick. I didn’t slip but it was harder to get traction. Encountered a few runners, walkers and dogs. No fat tires. No squirrels. No sleds or skis. Don’t think I looked at the river even once. Too busy trying to stay warm and upright. When I started running, there were patches of blue sky but by the time I was done, it was all gray. A snow storm moving in. Barely noticed the snow crunching under my feet. Instead I heard Beck and Lizzo and Ke$ha.

Speaking of layers, which I’m doing a lot these days, I found a great poem about onions:

Monologue for an Onion
Suji Kwock Kim

I don’t mean to make you cry.
I mean nothing, but this has not kept you
From peeling away my body, layer by layer,

The tears clouding your eyes as the table fills
With husks, cut flesh, all the debris of pursuit.
Poor deluded human: you seek my heart.

Hunt all you want. Beneath each skin of mine
Lies another skin: I am pure onion–pure union
Of outside and in, surface and secret core.

Look at you, chopping and weeping. Idiot.
Is this the way you go through life, your mind
A stopless knife, driven by your fantasy of truth,

Of lasting union–slashing away skin after skin
From things, ruin and tears your only signs
Of progress? Enough is enough.

You must not grieve that the world is glimpsed
Through veils. How else can it be seen?
How will you rip away the veil of the eye, the veil

That you are, you who want to grasp the heart
Of things, hungry to know where meaning
Lies. Taste what you hold in your hands: onion-juice,

Yellow peels, my stinging shreds. You are the one
In pieces. Whatever you meant to love, in meaning to
You changed yourself: you are not who you are,

Your soul cut moment to moment by a blade
Of fresh desire, the ground sown with abandoned skins.
And at your inmost circle, what? A core that is

Not one. Poor fool, you are divided at the heart,
Lost in its maze of chambers, blood, and love,
A heart that will one day beat you to death